Zufrieden

Hi all,
I got sober with the support of this site in May and again in August. Not sober the past couple of months. Really disappointed in myself. I haven't been as bad as possible but I see the writing on the wall. Why is it so hard to do something so clearly important to my health and the health of my life, my family etc...

I am trying to be kind to myself by saying that there have been lessons learned but I still haven't made it past the first few weeks of sobriety.

What is odd is how good I felt sober...... so incredibly good. Walking with my head up, exercising, staying up talking with my wife, homework with the kids......all in all the life I want. I don't want to be a drinker and would really prefer to not end up in legal or medical trouble before things came to a head.

Hubris is my enemy. Every time I decide that it is okay to drink and that it will be different this time...... It never is.

I came onto this site in the early summer with lots of proclamations, lots of excitement and full of good advice to others (with my couple of days sobriety....). There will be none of that this time. I feel humbled and desperate to stop this in its tracks. I am not even drinking right now, still at work, but the pull is still there and I need to write this to gain the upper hand on tonight. There has to come a time!

I haven't been on the site regularly for quite a while other than the occasional peek and I see that most of my "classmates" are not showing up. I am hoping that they got the help that they needed and are moving on with their lives and that they didn't fall back into habits as i have. I think it is really important for me to stay on this site beyond a couple of weeks off the bottle, both for me and as a way to give back. I am thankful to Wolf, Dee, Ann and quite a few others who are here regularly trying to help. By the way Wolf.... your current quote about recovery is great. Recovery is bad #%#% and I want to experience it long term.

Hats off to each of you and I look forward to rejoining the community.

Jonathan

Della1968

Welcome back

Hevyn

It's good to see you again, Jonathan. I'm so glad you made your way back.

I went on for many years insisting it would be 'different this time'. The only thing different was that each time found me closer to chaos and death. It feels so good to get free of it. You can do it.

JD

Welcome back. As long as you keep coming back you're on the right path. I hope I've finally learned that I can't ever drink again. I've tried that moderation stuff and it doesn't work. I say "I hope" because I'm only 39 days into this this time. And I've been in further when the av starts trying to convince me that maybe my problem isn't really that big. But I'm older and wiser now. Keep plugging away and never give up.

nogard

Welcome back, glad you made it

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, Zufrieden.

Anna

Jonathan, I hope that you do stick around.

Soberwolf

Welcome bk

Dee74

Hi Jonathan

I think hubris is what brings many of us down.

I genuinely believed, time and again, that this time would be different for me and drinking, but it never was.

The day I finally and fully accepted the toxic relationship I had with alcohol, my real recovery began

It may not be the best of circumstances but I'm glad to see you back

D

thomas11

Great post Jonathon, very honest and humble. You've got the upper hand on this thing because you are still trying, you clearly see the benefits. I don't have any advice really, but I support your efforts and always will. Keep at it, its the honorable thing to do.

PurpleKnight

Welcome back Jonathan!!

Zufrieden

I genuinely believed, time and again, that this time would be different for me and drinking, but it never was.

The day I finally and fully accepted the toxic relationship I had with alcohol, my real recovery began

Thanks Dee.....it is a toxic relationship! I'm hoping that I have crushed any hopes otherwise. Day 2.....