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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New Bedford
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Hi my name is Nick i'm new to talking on forums. I'm not new to recovery I have tried it many times and relapsed. I'm in methadone treatment and on a low dose of 35mg. I don't know but this time something just changed in my brain and i just said to myself it's time to grow up i'm 33 years old and have been getting high and drinking since i was 15 and i have no craving to doing anything now its been 56 days i know its now much time. Because of my usage my girlfriend of 6 years and also the mother of my daughter of 4 has kicked me out in late July. I now live at my parents. My girlfriend said she does want to be in a relationship and she doesn't want to look for someone else. So my goal has been to prove to her i can change and show her i can be like we was when we first meet. Now when we first meet i was going to the clinic and after about 2 months or so i got off the methadone and i was clean for 3 years. And then I meet up with a childhood friend and ended up using. So she found out after a year of me lying and all that that goes with using. So i started take suboxen and i was clean for a year and then relapsed again. And this time I was using on and off until now. I even used when i got to my parents and the big thing that got my girlfriend to call it quits was i was doing a job for her brothers girlfriend friend's mother. And i did something i have been really beating my self up with and is not me at all i stole jewelry from her house. As soon as i did i was so upset that i did i was thinking how i could give it back without them knowing but did it too late everyone found out and i gave it back anyway. And the owner of the jewelry too advantage and said everything wasn't there. And did give everything back. So when my girlfriend found out she said "i cant believe you would ever do that and i don't think we should be together anymore" now this happened in sometime in the first week of Aug. and i was still taking the subs but i wouldn't take them some days and get high so i ended up getting dirty urins at the place i was getting the subs and they kicked me off. And that was when i switched to the methadone it was a hard transfer when i did all the paper work she told me i can take subs until 24 hours of me starting so i that place that gave me the subs just gave me a few after they kicked me out so i was trying to make them last till i started the program and then found out i can't have subs in my system at all but i can have heroin. So i used till the day before i went on the program and I've been clean ever since. So now my goal is to get a job and stay clean and prove to my ex i can change and be like I was when we first meet. Now here is the other big problem on Sept. 2 her father past away. And she just push me away, i kept telling her i'm there for her but nothing. We talked but not much. Now about a month after that we started talking regularly. She texts me every morning when she goes to work, talks to me a little while she works but she works a very busy job. She is a scheduler for Nestle Waters witch is Poland Spring. She works insane hours she starts from 9:30 am to 7:00 pm sometimes more depends on how busy it is and she is very bad in the mornings cause i was there most of the time getting the stuff done so now sometimes she wont go in till 10:00-10:30. Also at night now everyday we talk from when she gets out of work till about 12:00 1:00 am. She says she is not ready for us to hangout much so when we are together its not long an hour at the most. But its getting better everyday. She tells me now to just give it time and prove to her and her family i can do the right thing. When i ask her when i do change if we can get back together, she says she can't tell me or she does't know. But she assures that she is not looking for anyone else and she isn't the type of person to just have a one night stand. Now i believe her one of her big traits that i love about her was she never done drugs and barely drank and she is very honest even in our relationship she was very honest with me and open about everything. Sorry this thing is so long one my problems and i am only everyday and don't have any friends now and noone to talk to. So pretty much my day is i'm on the computer a lot just looking for jobs. And amazing in my process of looking for work i went to do an application and it had me call this number and it took me to this company that helps you get a job. And i told the person i was talking to that i wanted to go to college so she transferred me to a college specialist. Now this person look up a ton of colleges for me and since i have no transportation she found me an online school. And i talked to someone from the school and she gave me a bunch of information about the school and what they have to offer and how it works. so to make a long story short i got financial aid to pay for everything and i just made the signup for this semester and i start on Monday. i think i'm finally done talking i can't think of anything else to say.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 302
Welcome to the forums Nick. Sometimes we need that harsh push from something in the world to get us to take action, in your case your significant other. Its rough for a while but there is light at the end of the tunnel. SR is a great place for help, glad you found it
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome Nick - you find a lot of support here.
I agree with sao - don't push your gf - my loved ones heard me say I was changed a million times...they needed to see action - soon enough the change was apparent to them without me having to say anything at all.
good luck with the college stuff
D
I agree with sao - don't push your gf - my loved ones heard me say I was changed a million times...they needed to see action - soon enough the change was apparent to them without me having to say anything at all.
good luck with the college stuff
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: New Bedford
Posts: 5
thanx dee
yea im defiantly trying not to push her away i wait for to text me first all the time and i have the feeling she still loves me and is thinking about me she texts me first every morning to say good morning and sometimes at work if it aint busy and on her ride home she talks to me then every night we talk till 11-1
yea im defiantly trying not to push her away i wait for to text me first all the time and i have the feeling she still loves me and is thinking about me she texts me first every morning to say good morning and sometimes at work if it aint busy and on her ride home she talks to me then every night we talk till 11-1
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