If I was a drunk, I wouldn't have to deal with this.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
I'm standing in the hallway with tears pouring out. I so badly do not want to give up my sobriety.
D
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
So much incredible advice here. Thank you all. So much.
I'm all of the HALT. Every bit of it. And I'm hungry BC I'm on a damn diet. But I decided to hit the brownies. Hard.
It's the lesser of two evils.
I'll try again to eat better tomorrow.
Now, we feast. I'm eating my emotions and I'll deal with that later.
XO AO
I'm all of the HALT. Every bit of it. And I'm hungry BC I'm on a damn diet. But I decided to hit the brownies. Hard.
It's the lesser of two evils.
I'll try again to eat better tomorrow.
Now, we feast. I'm eating my emotions and I'll deal with that later.
XO AO
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,122
Originally Posted by alphaomega
This is also an awful week for me. My sisters anniversary is 10:12. And my fathers was yesterday.
So I'm pretty broken.
So I'm pretty broken.
What you are feeling right now, just proves how human you really are. Without sadness we wouldn't know what happiness feels like and would be unable to appreciate all the sweet and wonderful things life has to offer.
We are here for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
This is also an awful week for me. My sisters anniversary is 10:12. And my fathers was yesterday."
Oh honey I feel you. My moms anniversary (od) was last month. I try to honor her every day by being sober. I almost ended up just like her, but thankfully found recovery.
You can honor them by staying sober. They would be so proud of you!
Oh honey I feel you. My moms anniversary (od) was last month. I try to honor her every day by being sober. I almost ended up just like her, but thankfully found recovery.
You can honor them by staying sober. They would be so proud of you!
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I knew I had no choice. If I was going to get through this intense sorrow, I had to come home where I knew you guys would help me.
And hold me up through it.
And you pulled me through.
Crying again. Thank you all so much Thank you.
And hold me up through it.
And you pulled me through.
Crying again. Thank you all so much Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
You're a loyal friend to our community, AO, and have been there many times for those in need.
Lean on us as much as you need. You've fought too hard and come too far not to. You have done more than enough in the dutiful daughter department.
DId you know Elton John publicly celebrated his 25th year of sobriety a few months ago? Lots of demons cast out in his world.
In one of his songs, he wrote:
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
You're a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye bye
Lean on us as much as you need. You've fought too hard and come too far not to. You have done more than enough in the dutiful daughter department.
DId you know Elton John publicly celebrated his 25th year of sobriety a few months ago? Lots of demons cast out in his world.
In one of his songs, he wrote:
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear
You're a butterfly
And butterflies are free to fly
Fly away, high away, bye bye
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
AO, we have been on this forum a long time. You have always been one of my inspirations, and you were always so encouraging to me. Don't give up now. I know how it feels to be drained by other people. I live with it on a daily basis. But although the drink looks seductive and comforting, you know where it will lead. Hang tough, my friend. You got this. You know what to do. Just do it. You have come too far to let the demon suck you back in for just some momentary comfort. Praying for you.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I'm hanging on tight to this Mary Oliver poem.
Poetry
By
Mary Oliver
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Poetry
By
Mary Oliver
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Still I rise.
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Oh Canada!
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by alphaomega
I'm hanging on tight to this Mary Oliver poem.
Poetry
By
Mary Oliver
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Poetry
By
Mary Oliver
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
And I also LOVE that you pulled through this. You're been an amazing source of support for myself and so many, so lean on us during these rough times to return the favour.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by alphaomega
i'm hanging on tight to this mary oliver poem.
Poetry
by
mary oliver
the journey
one day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Poetry
by
mary oliver
the journey
one day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 437
Dear AO.
I watched my father drink to death too. He had a extremely toxic relation with his mother. He died in our house, in a pool of his own blood, before the rescue arrived. It was very sad and still is to this very day, and probably will never pass.
As sad as it is, I learned from that. I like to think of myself like an enhanced version of my father. As that, I avoid repeating his mistakes in life. I think his main mistake was not walking away from his mother. He felt responsible for her, despite of all the evil and insanity that lives inside that sick woman. It did not work for him. At all.
Well, after he died, my grandma turned the cannon on my direction. She made my life miserable for some years. Then I did what my father couldn't do: I walked away from that sick lady. It really works.
It's simple but not too easy though, it's a kind of art I guess. I do not abandon the person, but I walk away and let go. I care about her, I worry, but I realized I just do not have the power to solve all that crap and insanity, you know. I just can't. It's like “know your limits”, you know. So I wash my hands and take care of myself. It seems selfish but it's just about self-preservation. Even survival.
Stay strong.
I watched my father drink to death too. He had a extremely toxic relation with his mother. He died in our house, in a pool of his own blood, before the rescue arrived. It was very sad and still is to this very day, and probably will never pass.
As sad as it is, I learned from that. I like to think of myself like an enhanced version of my father. As that, I avoid repeating his mistakes in life. I think his main mistake was not walking away from his mother. He felt responsible for her, despite of all the evil and insanity that lives inside that sick woman. It did not work for him. At all.
Well, after he died, my grandma turned the cannon on my direction. She made my life miserable for some years. Then I did what my father couldn't do: I walked away from that sick lady. It really works.
It's simple but not too easy though, it's a kind of art I guess. I do not abandon the person, but I walk away and let go. I care about her, I worry, but I realized I just do not have the power to solve all that crap and insanity, you know. I just can't. It's like “know your limits”, you know. So I wash my hands and take care of myself. It seems selfish but it's just about self-preservation. Even survival.
Stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by alphaomega
warning : Enter at your own risk.
Guess who is sick again ? Mothers back went out. Bedridden again. Her last two care takers she drove away because of her relenting nastiness. So it was like she was just waiting for me to get my daughter off and finish my commitment so she could get me allllll to herself.
So here she expecting me to come to her aid. Cook, clean and care for her. Only problem is that it drives me to drink. Literally.
So here i'm sitting, and thinking (uh oh) if i was a **** up, and a drunk and an addict like she made me when she drank profusely while pregnant with me, who would play mother to her then ? I mean, after all, that's how she made me. And shaped me. And formed me growing up.
Then she drove my sister to overdose and my father to drink himself to death.
And i'm bitter as all hell.
And i'm flirting with......well.....you know.
Screaming f it.
F it all.
I'm in a seriously scarey place and begging for guidance.
Thanks.
Guess who is sick again ? Mothers back went out. Bedridden again. Her last two care takers she drove away because of her relenting nastiness. So it was like she was just waiting for me to get my daughter off and finish my commitment so she could get me allllll to herself.
So here she expecting me to come to her aid. Cook, clean and care for her. Only problem is that it drives me to drink. Literally.
So here i'm sitting, and thinking (uh oh) if i was a **** up, and a drunk and an addict like she made me when she drank profusely while pregnant with me, who would play mother to her then ? I mean, after all, that's how she made me. And shaped me. And formed me growing up.
Then she drove my sister to overdose and my father to drink himself to death.
And i'm bitter as all hell.
And i'm flirting with......well.....you know.
Screaming f it.
F it all.
I'm in a seriously scarey place and begging for guidance.
Thanks.
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