Hevyn

I also agree with the others AO. I hope you won't decide to seek comfort in drinking - because you know that's not how it works. A bit of numbness, and then horrible repercussions to deal with. Praying for you and glad you are posting.

Venecia

AO, you're a smart, talented woman, as evidenced by your post just a couple days ago. C'mon. Drinking at a problem just makes the problem worse.

Hold on tight to your sobriety.

Debbie329

Have you thought about placing her into an assisted living facility.......She'll get all the care she needs there. As an ACOA........I identify with your need to remain loyal to her but that's one of the symptoms of ACOA......we remain loyal even though we have tons of evidence to the contrary. Maybe an ACOA group would help you.......I tried to find one in Pennsylvania myself......there are two .......both in the same town. 2 hours from my house. I'm gonna do more research on it.....anyway take care of yourself and your sobriety......it's the most important thing in your life.

Anna

AO, step away. You do not owe your mother this caretaking. You do not. You are not her and you are not going to end up like her. You have made different, better, healthy choices. You are a good mother and a good person. You don't need to risk it for her.

cardoon

Stay focused on not drinking. Dwell on that if you have to.
Maybe whatever she trained you for do the opposite?

Lenina

AO, back away, you are not obligated to risk your life to carefor your mother. Hire a caregiver and be done with it. I wish I had learned this lesson earlier too. She has her issues that she herself must solve. Or not. She does not get to take you hostage.

There's no need for guilt. Turn her over to trained professionals who can deliver her the care she needs. I wish I had done this sooner with my mom. Assisted living is an option, in home nursing is another; sacrificing your own self on the altar of Insanity is not an option, OK?

Love to you dear (((((AO)))))

Lenina

alphaomega

She *is in assisted living. Best one too. But she makes all the people cry there so they conveniently don't have open rooms at the care center when she needs them.

And we go through care givers like water. Because she makes them nuts too.

And I'm not kidding when I say this - she brings all these ailments on herself because she's so nasty and pissed off all the time. Just this year alone - she fell when drunk and broke her arm, had surgery for a blocked common bile duct, had pneumonia 3 different Times, had a hundred blood clots, blood poisoning, and now we are playing fun with severe spinal stenosis.

She's was in the care center for 5 months for her arm but they learned their lesson and now there's no room at the inn.

biminiblue

What? Then she is their responsibility. Let her grouse. She has care, if they refuse to take care of it, tell her to call her lawyer. Just deal with them, not her.

alphaomega

Oh - and when I told her today - mom I can NOT continue to do this and remain sober her response was

I have been so good to you and you can't even come over and make me a god damned ham sandwich ?

biminiblue

"Gotta go, Mom."

Lenina

Well, I guess it's in home care givers. She must understand that's it. You are not a hostage. Do not let the Addictive Voice overrule your sobriety, Do not do this. You deserve better. Your mom, much like mine, earned her predicament. You can be sympathetic but don't be suicidal, ok? Drinking again will be suicide. You know this.

Stick to your guns. Make the doctor tell her this news.

Much much love from Lenina

Meals on Wheels can bring her food. GrubHub delivers. Sign her up and geta stack of the menus.

Soberpotamus

I really hope you don't do it, AO Please don't drink, and don't put up with her manipulation.

I had a lunatic drunk for a mom. I know what kind of craziness this must feel like to you, and the guilt trips.

Please take care of you, and don't let her talk you into this.

xoxo

Dee74

She's already in assisted living and screwed it up? Then you've already done more than more daughters would do for a difficult, even abusive parent.

I know parents really know which buttons to push - I've been with mine for a few days - but that doesn't mean what they say is true, and it doesn't mean we have to respond in a way that causes us harm.

C'mon AO - you're better than this.

D

newhope01

I think you got a lot of fantastic advice AO. I think reaching out to SR to vent is a good thing. Better than bottling it up and going back out there.

I hope after reading everyone's comments and you sharing your frustrations with us has helped you feel a bit better.

alphaomega

I'm standing in the hallway with tears pouring out. I so badly do not want to give up my sobriety.

I'm trying so hard.

Anna

Step away from her...and save yourself.

Dharma33

(((((((AO)))))))

Wonderful, wise advice here! Please stay sober- you are doing so well.

thomas11

AO, I have a certain someone in my life who is very VERY similar. My own mother. I could bore you with the details, but I'll spare you. Trust me, the situation is similar. My mother is nasty, a user, and is always the first one to bring up "how much I've done for you". She doesn't realize that she's made my life miserable, is currently trying to ruin my marriage and will somehow squander the family's fortune to my other sibling (the golden child) to leave me with nothing. That's her leverage, (or so she thinks). You know what I did? Nothing. I can't be around her. Its tough, but once you take a stand, it gets easier. Furthermore, it drives her NUTS. So in an effort to keep her meat hooks in me, she goes to the other end of the spectrum and starts giving me all kinds of meaningless sh*t. The ship sailed, I'm done with her. I think maybe you need to take that step. It will be hard, but can't be hard as getting sober again. Take care.

PennyLane76

No I can't Mom

silentrun

Please don't drink AO.

The Codie training I got ended up being "the problem" my drinking was distracting me from. Don't you think you are over the line sticking your neck out here? I didn't have a normal model to check myself against so I used my own mothering as a benchmark. Ask yourself if you were the old lady and your daughter were you what would you want her to do. Don't put yourself in danger of having it be that way 40 years down the line, Deep breath, say Goodnight Gracie and go buy yourself a $12 oatmeal cookie at whole foods.

XXOO