back2thegoodME

my apartment lease is up in December. I live right near the beach, its really nice (but expensive!) and right near a main street where I can walk to a ton of bars where all my drunk friends meet, where we sit all day on the weekends. Im trying to get sober but afraid it will be too tempting to be so close to all the drunken friends that call after me every weekend. Im thinking I should find an apartment in a different town away from my "bar friends" . Do you think that is at least a good start? I dont want to make a drastic move away change though, I'm afraid I will be so lonely, isolated and so sad to see all the "fun" party facebook pics that my drunk friends post all the time that I will no longer be a part of. I love the beach but it is getting very very expensive. and the bars constantly call my name

Soberwolf

A new move is up to you every end has a new beginning I guess

LBrain

If the bar keeps calling your name and you answer... Do you think the bars in your new location won't be calling your name. They don't know your name yet, but as you find yourself 'lonely' a bar seemed to be your out from that. Maybe take a break from the social media influence and look for something more positive?

It's difficult to do this alone. And even more difficult when those around have no idea of how you struggle. Perhaps slowly introduce your friends to the idea that drinking for you is a bad idea. If they are true friends, they will honor that. If they still try to entice you to drink, they aren't your friends. They're drinking buddies.
But you have to let them know how serious this is and how serious you are.

Moving may be a solution, but it could also be nothing more than relocating your problem with drinking. Best wishes.

Dee74

I got sober in the same house I got drunk in so it's very much possible to get sober in the old neighbourhood.

I think there are a number of valid reasons for moving away but trying to outrun your addiction isn't really one of them.

Like Lbrain said there are bars everywhere and if you were to move and then feel lonely, who's to say those new bars or liquor stores won't call out to you?

If your addiction is the only reason you're moving I think you need to think about that some more?

thomas11

I've spent a fair amount of time in those southern California beach towns and I can see how this could easily happen. Work all week to pay for that (likely small) and expensive apartment, and when the weekend comes you have the ocean one block in one direction and the bars one block the other direction. What a great life! But in reality, for someone who is easily lured to the booze, I can fully understand how dangerous and habitual it could become. I have no advice to offer, but I understand. I'm sure with the great minds on this site someone will offer up a pretty solid solution.

Carlotta

This is what is often called doing a geographic.

Wherever you go, there will be alcohol and temptation and even if there are no bars around, alcoholics are a creative bunch when we are in our addiction. Someone just posted about drinking hand sanitizer... where there is a will for self destruction, there is a way.

I still live in the same house I quit at. There is a 24 hours convenience store 2 blocks down which sells alcohol and when in a few minutes I go to Safeway, there will be beer and wine in the same aisle as the meat and well stocked liquor shelves in front of me as I wait in line at the register.

Recovery takes inner strength and it starts right here, within you. Wherever you move, you will still have to take yourself with you.
I have known people who could not sober up despite having access to rehabs , therapists, f2f support groups and a supportive environment and I have also known people who have sobered up in homeless encampments.
Ultimately, it's up to you and how much you want it.

You can do it and we are here to support you

least

Wherever you go, there you are. Our problems don't stay behind when we move, they just come along with us.

Don't look at it as giving something up. Look at it as gaining a much better life.

Carlotta

Least nailed it

ast1

Well since your lease is up you have a choice. What to do hmmm. Move to some where less expensive or stay. The question really is what do you want to do. Temptation will always be around you, you know that.

I'd say look around you might find something better and be able to same money. Beach life is great until the storms come. Heck maybe buy your own house and land. You have until Dec to decide. The choice is yours. What do you want to do?

DirtyHippie

I think your change will need to come from within. External influence will always be there to some degree or another. I don't believe you can physically run from it.

Take myself, for instance. My cabinet is still stocked with whiskey. I don't drink it, but I'm not afraid to have it in the house. Way I figure, if I'm ever ready to accept failure, it won't matter where I get the booze. The store, my cabinet, what's the difference?

(Btw, I only choose not to dump it out because I have occasional guests to whom I'd like the option of offering a drink.)

Temptation is everywhere, I need to learn to live with it. Like I said, no physical limitation would keep me from it, anyway, if I chose to take it.

Ruby2

Everyone has pointed out that alcohol is everywhere. Your expensive apartment would be far more affordable if you weren't spending so much money and time on alcohol. You can use the beach as a recovery tool. Long walks on the beach clear my head and are relaxing.

Ignore Facebook for a while.

tomsteve

tell the drunken friends your getting sober. they will eventually show how good of friends they are by disappearing.
i got sober in the same town i drank in. drove by the same bars i drank in. shopped at the same stores i bought booze in. ran into people i drank with.
idk. maybe i was worse off. after i got sober i didnt see any fun when i was drinking. days/nights may have started out like that but they didnt end that way.

you can delete or block the drunk friends from social media.
you can build a new life for yourself where youre at(and prolly one you could never have dreamed of) with new friends. its posdible as many here have shown they did it.


is sitting at the bar all weekend really fun? idk. i did it, but i was lieing to myself about it being fun.

Anna

I think the change you need is within you. I moved early on in recovery because of my husband's joband, for me, it worked really, so well.

There will always be bars and other temptations to drink. Personally I find the beach to be a place that fills me with positive energy, so for that reason I would want to stay there. Of course, if it causes financial problems, then moving somewhere less expensive is a good idea.

juppe

I think it's more or less about surrounding yourself with people that support your decision to not drink. Ideally, these would be people that don't drink as well! For me I HAD to move to get sober. I was living alone and drinking everyday. Once I moved into a "dry house" with others that weren't drinking I knew I was going to quit once and for all. So should you move? Not necessarily but you should surround yourself with people who support you in not drinking. Once you're comfortable with yourself and feel confident that you won't pick up another drink then you can always go visit your other friends at the bar or wherever. Sounds like they're always there you know where to find them! That's at least how it worked for me

teatreeoil007

I've never been much of a facebooker...I mainly use it to keep in some touch with relatives. I appreciate some of pics others put on it but I don't put any pics on it myself.

My thinking is if there is something on social media that might be a trigger, try to limit it or stay away. And, REMEMBER...you really are NOT missing ANYTHING by staying away from bars and the alcohol influence. So many other fun, enriching, rewarding things to do that don't involve drinking.

I was advised not to make too many changes in early sobriety as change can be stressful and for most folks stress is a trigger.

If you love the beach and the beach is healthy I would say it would be a SHAME to lose something you love like that! I used to like to pack my favorite cooler with ETOH and go to the beach..now I pack it with other beverages and good food...and love walking and walking on the beach!

Best of luck...

Blessed Be...

keeppushing

There is a flip side. What if you move and become bitter at leaving, giving your AV a new excuse to use?

I really agree with everyone else, but I'll say this. Break habits. Come home at a different time. Use a different route. Eat different food. Pick new hobbies. MAke new friends. I don't see why that isn't any more powerful than changing where you live.

KP

asdf72

I agree with many posters that the change is within you not geographical per se. I get the same feeling, that i want to start fresh somewhere else but that's really so because i'm embarrassed of what i might have done in the local neighbourhood while drinking. I also want to throw away clothes i've worn after a bad night because they remind me of my weakness. But i think confronting is better than running away because the risk is there to fall into old denial patterns. And yes the beach can be such a lovely calming place to find peace and a clear head. That being said, if the stress of high rents is too much, a move might be very helpful in the long run. Either way you are making positive changes in your life! Good luck!