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couldn't find
Couldn't find an old thread that I started to add this post on because this isn't worth a new thread but here goes.
Just wanted to get this off my chest.
Visited my sister in Minnesota. She has a lot and I mean a lot of psychological issues, Spending 4 days with her talking about crazy stuff is tough, with people out to get her, a lot of strange stuff. She was assulted several years ago and things have been different since then. Everyone has abandoned her except me. Don't blame them with all her hospital stays, police involvment etc. Part of the reason I moved was because of this. But unlike the rest of my family and friends, I still stay in touch with her and help her when I can, but at a distance. I'd cut off my right arm if that would make a difference for her.
I got back last night and have been drinking since, but I know me and no that will stop soon. I know how bad things will get if I don't stop soon.
Like I said, I wish I could of figured out how to included this post on an old forum because from past experiences, nobody will care about this issue, so I just wanted to add on to an old thread. If I brought this up at an AA meeting, it would just be looked at as another mundane issue, and they would of been right, but mundane to one person is not mundane to another. People die over mundane things.
Don't expect any responses to this post. Just feels good to put it out there. John
Just wanted to get this off my chest.
Visited my sister in Minnesota. She has a lot and I mean a lot of psychological issues, Spending 4 days with her talking about crazy stuff is tough, with people out to get her, a lot of strange stuff. She was assulted several years ago and things have been different since then. Everyone has abandoned her except me. Don't blame them with all her hospital stays, police involvment etc. Part of the reason I moved was because of this. But unlike the rest of my family and friends, I still stay in touch with her and help her when I can, but at a distance. I'd cut off my right arm if that would make a difference for her.
I got back last night and have been drinking since, but I know me and no that will stop soon. I know how bad things will get if I don't stop soon.
Like I said, I wish I could of figured out how to included this post on an old forum because from past experiences, nobody will care about this issue, so I just wanted to add on to an old thread. If I brought this up at an AA meeting, it would just be looked at as another mundane issue, and they would of been right, but mundane to one person is not mundane to another. People die over mundane things.
Don't expect any responses to this post. Just feels good to put it out there. John
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear you are drinking again John, although I'm not exactly sure what you are referring to by your old post.
It's very considerate of you to help your sister, but you need to help yourself before you can do that. Can you get rid of the alcohol you have and let us help you get back on track?
It's very considerate of you to help your sister, but you need to help yourself before you can do that. Can you get rid of the alcohol you have and let us help you get back on track?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi John,
Your sister's issues, as bad as they are, aren't your issues. I'm sure that you realize that somewhere, and that drinking over them won't make your sister better, nor will it help make you feel better.
It's great that you are standing by your sister. But to help her best, you have to help yourself.
Your sister's issues, as bad as they are, aren't your issues. I'm sure that you realize that somewhere, and that drinking over them won't make your sister better, nor will it help make you feel better.
It's great that you are standing by your sister. But to help her best, you have to help yourself.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm really sorry for your sister. Assault is horrible, truly. I hope she is getting the appropriate treatment. She may have PTSD from the event. Hopefully she doesn't drink because that makes PTSD truly explosive and dangerous.
It is good of you to support her, but not at the expense of your own health. I would suggest really maintaining your boundaries so as not to get sucked into a spiral of drama. Hang in there.
It is good of you to support her, but not at the expense of your own health. I would suggest really maintaining your boundaries so as not to get sucked into a spiral of drama. Hang in there.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Thanks guys for your responses. Not sure why I'm feeling this way, but feel pain for her and pain for me. She's worked hard all her life. She deserves much better. For her family and friends to desert her although understandable makes sense because her situation takes so much time and patience, I just can't leave her. She has nobody else. In a way, if she dies, I die. I have nobody else that cares about me. My mother died several years ago. If my sister dies, what's left. John
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Location: Dancing in the Light
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I'm sorry for what happened to your sister. I can imagine it's very hard to be with her under those circumstances. But, you know it's helpful to you or to her that you end up drinking. I hope that your sister will seek help for her issues and I'm glad you're here and posting.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by 2muchpain 
Couldn't find an old thread that I started to add this post on because this isn't worth a new thread but here goes.
Just wanted to get this off my chest.
Visited my sister in Minnesota. She has a lot and I mean a lot of psychological issues, Spending 4 days with her talking about crazy stuff is tough, with people out to get her, a lot of strange stuff. She was assulted several years ago and things have been different since then. Everyone has abandoned her except me. Don't blame them with all her hospital stays, police involvment etc. Part of the reason I moved was because of this. But unlike the rest of my family and friends, I still stay in touch with her and help her when I can, but at a distance. I'd cut off my right arm if that would make a difference for her.
I got back last night and have been drinking since, but I know me and no that will stop soon. I know how bad things will get if I don't stop soon.
Like I said, I wish I could of figured out how to included this post on an old forum because from past experiences, nobody will care about this issue, so I just wanted to add on to an old thread. If I brought this up at an AA meeting, it would just be looked at as another mundane issue, and they would of been right, but mundane to one person is not mundane to another. People die over mundane things.
Don't expect any responses to this post. Just feels good to put it out there. John
Just wanted to get this off my chest.
Visited my sister in Minnesota. She has a lot and I mean a lot of psychological issues, Spending 4 days with her talking about crazy stuff is tough, with people out to get her, a lot of strange stuff. She was assulted several years ago and things have been different since then. Everyone has abandoned her except me. Don't blame them with all her hospital stays, police involvment etc. Part of the reason I moved was because of this. But unlike the rest of my family and friends, I still stay in touch with her and help her when I can, but at a distance. I'd cut off my right arm if that would make a difference for her.
I got back last night and have been drinking since, but I know me and no that will stop soon. I know how bad things will get if I don't stop soon.
Like I said, I wish I could of figured out how to included this post on an old forum because from past experiences, nobody will care about this issue, so I just wanted to add on to an old thread. If I brought this up at an AA meeting, it would just be looked at as another mundane issue, and they would of been right, but mundane to one person is not mundane to another. People die over mundane things.
Don't expect any responses to this post. Just feels good to put it out there. John
My mum is very negative and draining too.. And I feel a lot of guilt when I engage with her. I'm not exactly sure why, but I feel that I'm not helping her enough or not able to save her from herself. However, I remind myself that everyone has choices and everyone can choose to save themselves from their misery.
I hope you can strike a balance of support, but also kindness and support to yourself first
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I dunno John, being clear headed and being able to offer support to your sister at any time may be a better way forward rather than drinking over it.
Don't go back and open that door to alcohol once again, draw that line in the sand, and get back to Sobriety!!
You know it's the better way forward!!
Don't go back and open that door to alcohol once again, draw that line in the sand, and get back to Sobriety!!
You know it's the better way forward!!
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
John, of course it's worth a new thread.
I'm sorry for you both - and I understand the need for relief. I fell back on my old ways a few times in an attempt to cope. As we already know, drinking does nothing to soothe or calm us - and just adds to the anxiety we're already feeling. That's why we know you'll stop soon - as you said in your post. I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened. We're all here with you, John. You're not alone.
I'm sorry for you both - and I understand the need for relief. I fell back on my old ways a few times in an attempt to cope. As we already know, drinking does nothing to soothe or calm us - and just adds to the anxiety we're already feeling. That's why we know you'll stop soon - as you said in your post. I'm glad you wanted to talk about what happened. We're all here with you, John. You're not alone.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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I don't where to go but SR. I have nobody to go to but SR, I am toast. bye. I have a plot payed for me next to my mothers plot. All I need to do is pay for my sisters plot then its done. Finally peace. John
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by 2muchpain
I have nobody to go to but SR, I am toast. bye. I have a plot payed for me next to my mothers plot. All I need to do is pay for my sisters plot then its done. Finally peace. John
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Newtown, CT USA
Posts: 58
John, you can surrender today to the pain, get some sleep, start new tomorrow. Today was for the pain, and getting over the tri a ls of your visit with your sister. Make tomorrow for you. You deserve something good.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi john
you have a lot of people here who care for you and answer every thread you start.
I really hope you put the bottle down - it really sscrews with our head.
You're a long way off being 'toast' John - I hope I don't offend if I say I'll pray for both you and your sister.
Be good to yourself John - you deserve better just like your sister -stop drinking
D
you have a lot of people here who care for you and answer every thread you start.
I really hope you put the bottle down - it really sscrews with our head.
You're a long way off being 'toast' John - I hope I don't offend if I say I'll pray for both you and your sister.
Be good to yourself John - you deserve better just like your sister -stop drinking
D
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
I hear a couple of things in your thread: really sorry to hear about your sister and her psychological issues. When you said that, I heard trigger.
We are always, always going to be in contact with, in a relationship with, work with or have a loved with with psychological problems. It is just a part of life.
And, it is really important to identify how their issues can so easily be used by our drinking mind as an excuse to pick up. I also hear a little co-dependency going on: it is not at all unusual for alcoholics to be codependent. Your sister may be isolated and left by her friends, but you have limits in how much you can do to help. We do our best, but it is really important to avoid taking on extra anxiety.
I hear: "no one will care about this issue". "If I brought this up in AA, it would be treated just like another mundane issue".
On the contrary, it's an important issue, and from my experience people here on SR and people in the rooms care about issues, big and small!
I struggled a LOT with codependency in early recovery and had to learn to establish boundaries. I struggled a lot with feeling like my issues were trivial. I also have loved one's with psychological issues. So, I can relate to your post and it is definitely not mundane.
Please post again!
We are always, always going to be in contact with, in a relationship with, work with or have a loved with with psychological problems. It is just a part of life.
And, it is really important to identify how their issues can so easily be used by our drinking mind as an excuse to pick up. I also hear a little co-dependency going on: it is not at all unusual for alcoholics to be codependent. Your sister may be isolated and left by her friends, but you have limits in how much you can do to help. We do our best, but it is really important to avoid taking on extra anxiety.
I hear: "no one will care about this issue". "If I brought this up in AA, it would be treated just like another mundane issue".
On the contrary, it's an important issue, and from my experience people here on SR and people in the rooms care about issues, big and small!
I struggled a LOT with codependency in early recovery and had to learn to establish boundaries. I struggled a lot with feeling like my issues were trivial. I also have loved one's with psychological issues. So, I can relate to your post and it is definitely not mundane.
Please post again!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
John I am sorry to read that you are drinking. I am also sorry about your sister and that you are suffering as well. I totally agree with PurpleKnight, if you really want to be there for your sister, you need to remain sober and clear headed. If she is "talking crazy stuff" about "people out to get her" she probably needs professional help that you alone are not qualified to give her. Take care of yourself first then you can help her find the help she needs.
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