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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by 2muchpain 
Really don't understand why you guys care so much but it's nice you do. John
Nice save.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
John, your sister's problems may be significant, but you are not responsible for her well-being - I hope you know that. Yes, it's nice that you care about her and are worried about her, but if she is having delusions, my guess is that she isn't compliant with doctors' orders or medication. There is only so much you can do and if she isn't willing to help herself I think you have a right to limit your contact. Anything that causes me to feel like drinking I have to seriously manage. In other words, when she becomes delusional and goes on for hours, I would suggest taking her to the doctor. If she won't go, I would say, "I love you but I can't be around you when you are like this, I need to step back."
I did this with my mother for a couple years until she stopped dumping her "stuff" on me. John, no one is worth losing your sobriety over. Even if it is your only family. I had to step away from my mother when she would go down these dark winding places in her mind. She eventually got better, but I couldn't be part of it - I had my own issues with which to deal.
Have you spent any time on the Friends and Family section of this site? Yes, it is about loved ones with addiction problems, but it is also about loved ones with mental health issues. How to step back, how to protect yourself, how to stay on your side of the street. Some people need way more help than I am qualified to give them, and it sounds like your sister needs to find the help - somehow. If it means she becomes unable to care for herself, then maybe she'll listen to health care providers. There are medications that can help her, but she has to be willing. She is lost in her own mind right now and you can't save her all on your own. I hope you'll take care of yourself and accept that this isn't your fault, and you likely can't do much to cure it other than show up as a healthy example.
I did this with my mother for a couple years until she stopped dumping her "stuff" on me. John, no one is worth losing your sobriety over. Even if it is your only family. I had to step away from my mother when she would go down these dark winding places in her mind. She eventually got better, but I couldn't be part of it - I had my own issues with which to deal.
Have you spent any time on the Friends and Family section of this site? Yes, it is about loved ones with addiction problems, but it is also about loved ones with mental health issues. How to step back, how to protect yourself, how to stay on your side of the street. Some people need way more help than I am qualified to give them, and it sounds like your sister needs to find the help - somehow. If it means she becomes unable to care for herself, then maybe she'll listen to health care providers. There are medications that can help her, but she has to be willing. She is lost in her own mind right now and you can't save her all on your own. I hope you'll take care of yourself and accept that this isn't your fault, and you likely can't do much to cure it other than show up as a healthy example.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Hang in there, John. Do what you can for her but don't forget to take care of yourself. I think I understand a little of what you're going through. By my ex-wife and my last GF both suffered from depression. The former denied it and wouldn't get treatment. The latter was well educated and was under a doctor's care, but the problem was that she would either feel better and quit the meds or get burnt out from being a "medicated zombie" all the time and quit. Once she was on vacation in her parents cabin in the mountains, all alone, just her and her dog. A very bad bout of depression set in and she called me, saying she felt like killing herself. Never in my entire life have I felt that kind of fear and helplessness. I've been afraid for myself but it doesn't compare with the fear of knowing there's nothing you can do. I may as well have been on the moon for all the good I could do her. Luckily she didn't do anything rash, and she's doing great today.
Like so many have said- including myself- you can't help her if you don't take care of yourself.
Life can be so hard at times, and yet so often you find your way. It's corny I know but I've seen many times when that miracle comes along if you just wait for it and don't give up.
Like so many have said- including myself- you can't help her if you don't take care of yourself.
Life can be so hard at times, and yet so often you find your way. It's corny I know but I've seen many times when that miracle comes along if you just wait for it and don't give up.
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