Now on my third "day 3" in 2 weeks.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 748
Now on my third "day 3" in 2 weeks.
Seen the film Groundhog Day?
I am now on my third "day 3" in 2 weeks. Not going well. I can't seem to get past day 4. And even worse on day 3 or 4 I don't just slip up, I drink excessively for a night, even more than before, major hangover then have to start the whole damn process again.
Does everyone here stop completely? Or have some of you opted for, and maintained, moderate social drinking? Or not drinking weekdays for example and just enjoying a drink on the weekends, or never ever drinking alone etc..
I went to a party Friday. I could not have avoided going it was a close family do. Loads of champagne, ambiance, laughs and dancing. My absolute total unshakeable resolve not to have a drink lasted about 4 minutes. And then we I got home I took another bottle of wine into the bedroom with me whilst I surfed silly songs on the internet.
This "one day at a time" business is not really doing it for me. I feel as if I am counting my days until I fail not counting up to the rest of my life.
Am feeling very annoyed, disappointed and frustrated with myself. This is going to be so much harder than I imagined.
I have got to get my xxxx together. Rehab is not a viable option for me.
I am now on my third "day 3" in 2 weeks. Not going well. I can't seem to get past day 4. And even worse on day 3 or 4 I don't just slip up, I drink excessively for a night, even more than before, major hangover then have to start the whole damn process again.
Does everyone here stop completely? Or have some of you opted for, and maintained, moderate social drinking? Or not drinking weekdays for example and just enjoying a drink on the weekends, or never ever drinking alone etc..
I went to a party Friday. I could not have avoided going it was a close family do. Loads of champagne, ambiance, laughs and dancing. My absolute total unshakeable resolve not to have a drink lasted about 4 minutes. And then we I got home I took another bottle of wine into the bedroom with me whilst I surfed silly songs on the internet.
This "one day at a time" business is not really doing it for me. I feel as if I am counting my days until I fail not counting up to the rest of my life.
Am feeling very annoyed, disappointed and frustrated with myself. This is going to be so much harder than I imagined.
I have got to get my xxxx together. Rehab is not a viable option for me.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 39
Hi Fabat.
Disclaimer: I am clearly not an authority on sobriety with only 4 days sober, but for what it's worth...
Our stories are similar, but I am more a one day on, one day off person - sometimes with lots of resolve to quit, and other times tricking myself into believing that I can drink responsibly.
This time feels different and I believe it is because I have a plan. (I read that suggestion from lots of the folks here who have been sober a long time.) So for me, it's been four meetings in four days (a first), and lots of visits here. So far it is working amazingly well.
Just my thoughts, you will get more valuable advice from others, but you can start with this. :-)
You can do it!
Disclaimer: I am clearly not an authority on sobriety with only 4 days sober, but for what it's worth...
Our stories are similar, but I am more a one day on, one day off person - sometimes with lots of resolve to quit, and other times tricking myself into believing that I can drink responsibly.
This time feels different and I believe it is because I have a plan. (I read that suggestion from lots of the folks here who have been sober a long time.) So for me, it's been four meetings in four days (a first), and lots of visits here. So far it is working amazingly well.
Just my thoughts, you will get more valuable advice from others, but you can start with this. :-)
You can do it!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Most of us here have tried to moderate our drinking, and I can assure you, it does not work. Alcoholics cannot control/moderate their drinking. Oh, I would do well for a week or two, and then off I'd go with Asno control. It is far easier to stop drinking for good when you are an alcoholic, rather than try to control your drinking.
I would also say that I tried going to a party early on with disastrous results and I knew I would have to avoid those situations if recovery was going to be a priority in my life. It was probably 10 months or so before I allowed myself to be around alcohol and people drinking.
I would also say that I tried going to a party early on with disastrous results and I knew I would have to avoid those situations if recovery was going to be a priority in my life. It was probably 10 months or so before I allowed myself to be around alcohol and people drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,837
I don't want this to sound at all encouraging, but I did that cycle for a year, it was exhausting, you have to stop at some point, try to do it now before its too late.
I can moderate for a little while, but it always goes back to binges, also, if I moderate I can't sleep, I think I need the massive amount of wine to pass out, otherwise alcohol just keeps me awake.
I can moderate for a little while, but it always goes back to binges, also, if I moderate I can't sleep, I think I need the massive amount of wine to pass out, otherwise alcohol just keeps me awake.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Fabat, good job on not giving up. This isn't an easy battle by any means. You've got to dig deep and when the temptation arises, have a plan to squash the thought. Realize the voice in your head trying to get you to drink, is just a thought. Realize you don't have to act on those thoughts and you can wake up tomorrow after not drinking today. You've got the power to re-define your life the way you want.
For me, after years of trying to find a way I could keep drinking, I finally realized it was all or nothing. I had to give it up for good. There was no in between, because my in between turned into a full out drink feast every day, non stop for 21 years.
You can do this, but you've got to push yourself to get what you want.
Once you realize and accept your problem, you can find a solution. Bottom line, you've got to want to be sober more than you want to drink.
Hang in there, you can make this your last day 3 ever.
For me, after years of trying to find a way I could keep drinking, I finally realized it was all or nothing. I had to give it up for good. There was no in between, because my in between turned into a full out drink feast every day, non stop for 21 years.
You can do this, but you've got to push yourself to get what you want.
Once you realize and accept your problem, you can find a solution. Bottom line, you've got to want to be sober more than you want to drink.
Hang in there, you can make this your last day 3 ever.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Ga
Posts: 251
My guess is if your resolve to not drink at all lasted 4 minutes, your resolve to moderate your drinking will end similarly. I never considered myself a "knee walking drunk" I just like to have a few drinks. I always went to bed at a decent hour, have a good job, no real issues. But I was drinking every single night come hell or high water- and I would go to extremes to make sure I had what I needed- making up excuses to run to the store for something. Hiding my drinking, etc. drinking just because something that controlled me- rather than me controlling it. That and it just became more of a grind than a lot of fun. I tried the "only on weekends" thing. Only on special occassions, etc. Guess what- a hard days work became a f-it day, and within a week or so, it was back to the same old thing. Staying away from it completely is the only way I can manage it successfully.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
None of us are able to drink "socially" fabat, mostly because most of us are alcoholics. That means that we cannot moderate our drinking in anyway...not socially, not "just on weekends" or "just a few". Total and complete abstinence is the only option if sobriety is what you seek.
And you are correct - it isn't going to be easy, it wasn't easy for any of us. In fact it's probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do in your life if you do choose to quit and get sober. But the result is life long and well worth it.
You most likely won't be able to go to parties for a while. And even if rehab "isn't an option", you'll need to still find some kind of plan to follow. And you will have to do things you don't want to do ( stop drinking for one ! ).
The good news is you can do this, anyone can if they really want it enough. And we're all here to help if you choose.
And you are correct - it isn't going to be easy, it wasn't easy for any of us. In fact it's probably one of the hardest things you'll ever do in your life if you do choose to quit and get sober. But the result is life long and well worth it.
You most likely won't be able to go to parties for a while. And even if rehab "isn't an option", you'll need to still find some kind of plan to follow. And you will have to do things you don't want to do ( stop drinking for one ! ).
The good news is you can do this, anyone can if they really want it enough. And we're all here to help if you choose.
Sober since 1st January 2016
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 58
Just got to echo what most people have said here. I've read most of the books, practised mindfulness, developed plans for moderation etc. Every time it's failed though, and I drink to blackout at least twice a week.
I kept a journal every few days for about a year now, I read it end to end this morning. The pattern typically goes like this:
"Day 1: hungover to death, stomach pains, feel sick. I'm not drinking again I've started reading XXXX book. I can do it this time
Day 3: feel much better today, just went for a run and really enjoyed it. Definitely staying off the booze I love my sober life!
Day 5: had a couple of beers with my curry last night, then a couple more, then the wine came out, then I can't remember anything. I've got five text messages and fourFacebook message notifications - I've just deleted them without reading what I've written as I'm too anxious to know..."
It was literally that pattern all the way through and read like the diary of a madman. And every time I tried a different book, or method, or type of drink or whatever... Always the same result. imeven swore off the ale while my daughter was really sick, and guess what? My AV found a 'loophole' which justified me having a few beers one night... Then straight back into the routine. The self loathing was off the scale.
What's changed this time? This community. I'm only 9 days sober but I can feel it in my gut that it's over now, the support you get here is just amazing and it feels good to just unload and 'tell on your addict' with these amazing people.
You can do it man, you really can x
I kept a journal every few days for about a year now, I read it end to end this morning. The pattern typically goes like this:
"Day 1: hungover to death, stomach pains, feel sick. I'm not drinking again I've started reading XXXX book. I can do it this time
Day 3: feel much better today, just went for a run and really enjoyed it. Definitely staying off the booze I love my sober life!
Day 5: had a couple of beers with my curry last night, then a couple more, then the wine came out, then I can't remember anything. I've got five text messages and fourFacebook message notifications - I've just deleted them without reading what I've written as I'm too anxious to know..."
It was literally that pattern all the way through and read like the diary of a madman. And every time I tried a different book, or method, or type of drink or whatever... Always the same result. imeven swore off the ale while my daughter was really sick, and guess what? My AV found a 'loophole' which justified me having a few beers one night... Then straight back into the routine. The self loathing was off the scale.
What's changed this time? This community. I'm only 9 days sober but I can feel it in my gut that it's over now, the support you get here is just amazing and it feels good to just unload and 'tell on your addict' with these amazing people.
You can do it man, you really can x
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Fabat50 
have some of you opted for, and maintained, moderate social drinking? Or not drinking weekdays for example and just enjoying a drink on the weekends, or never ever drinking alone etc..
Not drinking until I lose 20 pounds
Not drinking until I lose 10 pounds
Not drinking for 30 days
Only drinking when friends are over
Never drinking in my house
Only drinking in my house
Only on holidays
Only when my wife is drinking
Only as much as my wife is drinking
Only beer
Only wine
Only vodka
Only whiskey
Only tequila
Only on Fridays and Saturdays
Only on Saturdays
Only 3 days per month
Only once a month
Only 4 drinks/night
Only 6
Only 8
I'm sure there were others. The alcoholic living in my head is very creative at coming up with reasonable sounding controls. None of them worked for me.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
The people who have been successful in recovery here are not the guys who opted for drinking every so often, or just on weekends, or social drinking or whatever Fabat.
We tried all that and ended up back where you are now.
The successful ones are the guys & gals who accepted that their relationship with alcohol is toxic and they need to stop drinking completely. No ifs ands or buts.
The really successful people are the ones who make changes in their lives to back up their decision not to drink. I'm sorry but theres no such thing as a party you 'need to go to' - not this early in your recovery.
That's the level of commitment you need to get past day 3 and into permanent change.
Big changes need big support - if SR is not enough for you to stay sober and you feel rehab is not an option, where do you stand on things like AA or some other meeting based group?
If that's not viable either, what about a book based approach like Rational Recovery? or seeing an addictions counsellor?
You need to accept you need to do more than you're doing, Fabat.
If you're spinning your wheels recovery wise, you need to get some traction...you need something to grip onto to.
This is not a bad little link to get you started
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf
D
We tried all that and ended up back where you are now.
The successful ones are the guys & gals who accepted that their relationship with alcohol is toxic and they need to stop drinking completely. No ifs ands or buts.
The really successful people are the ones who make changes in their lives to back up their decision not to drink. I'm sorry but theres no such thing as a party you 'need to go to' - not this early in your recovery.
That's the level of commitment you need to get past day 3 and into permanent change.
Big changes need big support - if SR is not enough for you to stay sober and you feel rehab is not an option, where do you stand on things like AA or some other meeting based group?
If that's not viable either, what about a book based approach like Rational Recovery? or seeing an addictions counsellor?
You need to accept you need to do more than you're doing, Fabat.
If you're spinning your wheels recovery wise, you need to get some traction...you need something to grip onto to.
This is not a bad little link to get you started
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Ditto to what nonsensical said about all the things he tried to do, just so he didn't have to give up drinking completely. I did pretty much the same thing. I just didn't want to let go to drinking as an option. Until I did, there were COUNTLESS miserable mornings. I tried. I really did try. But I found that I couldn't moderate my consumption whatsoever. Only in quitting completely have I achieved some measure of peace. And I don't miss all the awful mornings.
Dee is right. There is no such thing as a party that you need to go to. Or a vacation that you need to go on. Or a wedding reception that you must absolutely attend. You have an awful lot of power. The power to say NO. Until you exercise that power to say no, thank you, it's going to be rough.
Dee is right. There is no such thing as a party that you need to go to. Or a vacation that you need to go on. Or a wedding reception that you must absolutely attend. You have an awful lot of power. The power to say NO. Until you exercise that power to say no, thank you, it's going to be rough.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
You don't need to settle for going round in circles, the idea of going 3 days, then having a binge, loose a day to a major hangover, maybe even 2, then go another 3 days, that doesn't sound like moderate social drinking, and it doesn't sound like much fun, why settle for that existence?
The good news is you know the problem, Day 4, that's what your plan needs to focus on moving forward, tweak a few things, your routines, your activities, you can make it happen!!
The good news is you know the problem, Day 4, that's what your plan needs to focus on moving forward, tweak a few things, your routines, your activities, you can make it happen!!
for the advice in this thread
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 242
Don't give up! We all have to figure out what works best for ourself in quiting. It's our own personal journey. But to have the support makes it so much better. Stay close to SR. Get that traction and and stay quit! You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 13
[QUOTE=Fabat50;5606298]Seen the film Groundhog Day?
I am now on my third "day 3" in 2 weeks. Not going well. I can't seem to get past day 4. And even worse on day 3 or 4 I don't just slip up, I drink excessively for a night, even more than before, major hangover then have to start the whole damn process again.
Does everyone here stop completely? Or have some of you opted for, and maintained, moderate social drinking? Or not drinking weekdays for example and just enjoying a drink on the weekends, or never ever drinking alone etc..
I went to a party Friday. I could not have avoided going it was a close family do. Loads of champagne, ambiance, laughs and dancing. My absolute total unshakeable resolve not to have a drink lasted about 4 minutes. And then we I got home I took another bottle of wine into the bedroom with me whilst I surfed silly songs on the internet.
This "one day at a time" business is not really doing it for me. I feel as if I am counting my days until I fail not counting up to the rest of my life.
Am feeling very annoyed, disappointed and frustrated with myself. This is going to be so much harder than I imagined.
I have got to get my xxxx together. Rehab is not a viable option for
I am now on my third "day 3" in 2 weeks. Not going well. I can't seem to get past day 4. And even worse on day 3 or 4 I don't just slip up, I drink excessively for a night, even more than before, major hangover then have to start the whole damn process again.
Does everyone here stop completely? Or have some of you opted for, and maintained, moderate social drinking? Or not drinking weekdays for example and just enjoying a drink on the weekends, or never ever drinking alone etc..
I went to a party Friday. I could not have avoided going it was a close family do. Loads of champagne, ambiance, laughs and dancing. My absolute total unshakeable resolve not to have a drink lasted about 4 minutes. And then we I got home I took another bottle of wine into the bedroom with me whilst I surfed silly songs on the internet.
This "one day at a time" business is not really doing it for me. I feel as if I am counting my days until I fail not counting up to the rest of my life.
Am feeling very annoyed, disappointed and frustrated with myself. This is going to be so much harder than I imagined.
I have got to get my xxxx together. Rehab is not a viable option for
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: US
Posts: 544
Fabat50
I echo what everyone else has said here, and will add: for me, the most difficult thing to accept was that I can never have another drop of alcohol. Ever. And I grieved the loss like I grieved a death. Then asked myself one question "what are you going to do now?" That's when the process of recovery began for me because I knew I had to do everything in my power to change the behaviors which led to the drinking in the first place. This is where The Plan saved my life - without it, I would still be trying to moderate and drinking MORE than ever.
I echo what everyone else has said here, and will add: for me, the most difficult thing to accept was that I can never have another drop of alcohol. Ever. And I grieved the loss like I grieved a death. Then asked myself one question "what are you going to do now?" That's when the process of recovery began for me because I knew I had to do everything in my power to change the behaviors which led to the drinking in the first place. This is where The Plan saved my life - without it, I would still be trying to moderate and drinking MORE than ever.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I tried moderating too, and it never worked for me. I might manage a couple of days, but they would be miserable because as soon as I got that first drink in me, it was like flipping a switch and it would set a whole bunch of things in motion in both my body and my head. I would have my "allotment" of however many, and would be happy for a little while ... until the effect started to wear off and there were still a few hours to get through before bed. Then it would get rough. My body would be screaming for more. I would be left with two choices ... either tough it out, which was downright miserable, or drive impaired to get more, which was reckless and dangerous. I found it was actually much easier to not drink at all than to put myself through that madness night after night.
It's still hard to ignore that voice that keeps urging you to drink, but it's really the best and only way. The feeling you will have about standing firm and staying sober is unbeatable.
We're always here for support!
It's still hard to ignore that voice that keeps urging you to drink, but it's really the best and only way. The feeling you will have about standing firm and staying sober is unbeatable.
We're always here for support!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by Anna
Most of us here have tried to moderate our drinking, and I can assure you, it does not work. Alcoholics cannot control/moderate their drinking. Oh, I would do well for a week or two, and then off I'd go with Asno control. It is far easier to stop drinking for good when you are an alcoholic, rather than try to control your drinking.
I would also say that I tried going to a party early on with disastrous results and I knew I would have to avoid those situations if recovery was going to be a priority in my life. It was probably 10 months or so before I allowed myself to be around alcohol and people drinking.
I would also say that I tried going to a party early on with disastrous results and I knew I would have to avoid those situations if recovery was going to be a priority in my life. It was probably 10 months or so before I allowed myself to be around alcohol and people drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 748
Originally Posted by GerdMuller
Just got to echo what most people have said here. I've read most of the books, practised mindfulness, developed plans for moderation etc. Every time it's failed though, and I drink to blackout at least twice a week.
I kept a journal every few days for about a year now, I read it end to end this morning. The pattern typically goes like this:
"Day 1: hungover to death, stomach pains, feel sick. I'm not drinking again I've started reading XXXX book. I can do it this time
Day 3: feel much better today, just went for a run and really enjoyed it. Definitely staying off the booze I love my sober life!
Day 5: had a couple of beers with my curry last night, then a couple more, then the wine came out, then I can't remember anything. I've got five text messages and fourFacebook message notifications - I've just deleted them without reading what I've written as I'm too anxious to know..."
It was literally that pattern all the way through and read like the diary of a madman. And every time I tried a different book, or method, or type of drink or whatever... Always the same result. imeven swore off the ale while my daughter was really sick, and guess what? My AV found a 'loophole' which justified me having a few beers one night... Then straight back into the routine. The self loathing was off the scale.
What's changed this time? This community. I'm only 9 days sober but I can feel it in my gut that it's over now, the support you get here is just amazing and it feels good to just unload and 'tell on your addict' with these amazing people.
You can do it man, you really can x
I kept a journal every few days for about a year now, I read it end to end this morning. The pattern typically goes like this:
"Day 1: hungover to death, stomach pains, feel sick. I'm not drinking again I've started reading XXXX book. I can do it this time
Day 3: feel much better today, just went for a run and really enjoyed it. Definitely staying off the booze I love my sober life!
Day 5: had a couple of beers with my curry last night, then a couple more, then the wine came out, then I can't remember anything. I've got five text messages and fourFacebook message notifications - I've just deleted them without reading what I've written as I'm too anxious to know..."
It was literally that pattern all the way through and read like the diary of a madman. And every time I tried a different book, or method, or type of drink or whatever... Always the same result. imeven swore off the ale while my daughter was really sick, and guess what? My AV found a 'loophole' which justified me having a few beers one night... Then straight back into the routine. The self loathing was off the scale.
What's changed this time? This community. I'm only 9 days sober but I can feel it in my gut that it's over now, the support you get here is just amazing and it feels good to just unload and 'tell on your addict' with these amazing people.
You can do it man, you really can x
I once, a year or so ago, wrote to my boss in the earlier hours of the morning demanding a pay rise. Oh my the humiliation of it all.
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