Slipped
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2
Slipped
Hi. Been sober for 1 month and 20 days now. I am an alcoholic, but I think I tackled the problem "soon" enough. I mean, from reading other alcoholics accounts, I think it was soon enough. I was beginning to have memory losses quite often, it was affecting my love and family life and when I skipped a day, I sweated my life... I was a homebrewer too. Really liked the hobby. Didn't like where it got me though..
So today I slipped. Girlfriend is out and I downed 3 beers and 4-5 shots. I'm not very proud, of course. Also, I'm wondering why the hell did I like to be drunk in the first place. The high is ****, you feel sleepy and tired almost right after... But of course, now I crave for more. More precisely, my brain craves for more. I won't. First, part of me doesn't want to get caught. I want to maintain the good image I built of myself for my gf in the last month and a half. Even though I know it's me I'm kidding. Second, I don't want to drink more. Yes, my brain des, but I don't. One thing I have learned from sobriety is how much I really hated being drunk and hungover.
Now, what's done is done. But... I'm still really afraid a slip becomes slipS, and then slips become relapse. These last weeks where really hard. Not as hard as the first, but I kinda lost the happy gut feeling I had during the "pink cloud" phase, where a sober life was all shiny and new. Now, being sober is hard work. For so long, drinking/getting high was for me something I could look up to when the going got tougher like "oh i'm so tired and i can't wait for (insert any damn drinking/smoking occasion here) to come so i can unwind"... So damn hard to get by without that motivation. I have acquired a certainty that alcohol/drugs addiction is worse than no motivation, but it's just a thought that keeps on nagging... You know, like kids can do when they really want candy..? You have to be a good parent and say no but oh wouldn't be sweet to cave in and taste the pure joy of silence!
Anyways, hope I was making sense here. I keep a journal where I write about my feelings and all but this time I just felt like talking to people who understood some of what I'm going through.
Thanks.
So today I slipped. Girlfriend is out and I downed 3 beers and 4-5 shots. I'm not very proud, of course. Also, I'm wondering why the hell did I like to be drunk in the first place. The high is ****, you feel sleepy and tired almost right after... But of course, now I crave for more. More precisely, my brain craves for more. I won't. First, part of me doesn't want to get caught. I want to maintain the good image I built of myself for my gf in the last month and a half. Even though I know it's me I'm kidding. Second, I don't want to drink more. Yes, my brain des, but I don't. One thing I have learned from sobriety is how much I really hated being drunk and hungover.
Now, what's done is done. But... I'm still really afraid a slip becomes slipS, and then slips become relapse. These last weeks where really hard. Not as hard as the first, but I kinda lost the happy gut feeling I had during the "pink cloud" phase, where a sober life was all shiny and new. Now, being sober is hard work. For so long, drinking/getting high was for me something I could look up to when the going got tougher like "oh i'm so tired and i can't wait for (insert any damn drinking/smoking occasion here) to come so i can unwind"... So damn hard to get by without that motivation. I have acquired a certainty that alcohol/drugs addiction is worse than no motivation, but it's just a thought that keeps on nagging... You know, like kids can do when they really want candy..? You have to be a good parent and say no but oh wouldn't be sweet to cave in and taste the pure joy of silence!
Anyways, hope I was making sense here. I keep a journal where I write about my feelings and all but this time I just felt like talking to people who understood some of what I'm going through.
Thanks.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Sober...hi and welcome,
Almost 2 months is amazing. Commit yourself again.
Get away from the prison of booze. Be a proud sober man.
I quit drinking 5 months ago. I believe in God so that helped.
If you feel like you have tried everything, but not God...try it.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous
Linked w permission AAWE Inc.
Bills Story, pg. 13, Para. 2.
If you are not being led by God, the other one has got you.
Almost 2 months is amazing. Commit yourself again.
Get away from the prison of booze. Be a proud sober man.
I quit drinking 5 months ago. I believe in God so that helped.
If you feel like you have tried everything, but not God...try it.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous
Linked w permission AAWE Inc.
Bills Story, pg. 13, Para. 2.
If you are not being led by God, the other one has got you.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Thank you for sharing that. I understand how you feel and I'm sure we all do. I often think about how nice those first couple of drinks felt and the relief they brought for about an hour before they started wearing off. Then, of course, I'd want to get that feeling back, so I'd drink more. Problem was, I wouldn't get it back. I'd just end up drunk and blacked out. Every time, I thought "I'll just have enough to get a nice buzz and then I'll be done. It's only when I have more than that, that I end up in trouble. So just a few, and I'll be done for the night." As hopeful as I was that it might actually turn out that way, it never did. But night after night, I kept trying and kept on ending up drunk. Insanity.
I had to realize that it's not the 4th or 5th or 8th or 12th drink that does me in. It's the first. And as long as I don't take it, I will be okay. Those horrible cravings for more won't happen as long as I don't start. Even sober, it's still tough when that voice tries to convince me that "just a couple won't hurt." But I have a better chance of beating it if I stay sober.
A slip doesn't have to be a relapse. You've already caught yourself and have some good insights into what you did. So drink some water, go to bed and at least be grateful it wasn't worse. Then start again tomorrow. You can do it.
I had to realize that it's not the 4th or 5th or 8th or 12th drink that does me in. It's the first. And as long as I don't take it, I will be okay. Those horrible cravings for more won't happen as long as I don't start. Even sober, it's still tough when that voice tries to convince me that "just a couple won't hurt." But I have a better chance of beating it if I stay sober.
A slip doesn't have to be a relapse. You've already caught yourself and have some good insights into what you did. So drink some water, go to bed and at least be grateful it wasn't worse. Then start again tomorrow. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Welcome, Sober0phng!
Sorry to hear about the slip. Yes, being sober is so much better. One of the things I have learned in my journey is that white-knuckling simply doesn't work for many of us. This can be a tough demon to beat.
I'd strongly suggest joining the current Newcomers' thread - "Class of October 2015". You'll find lots of folks in the early stages of bring sober who are dealing with similar stuff.
Sorry to hear about the slip. Yes, being sober is so much better. One of the things I have learned in my journey is that white-knuckling simply doesn't work for many of us. This can be a tough demon to beat.
I'd strongly suggest joining the current Newcomers' thread - "Class of October 2015". You'll find lots of folks in the early stages of bring sober who are dealing with similar stuff.
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,823
The AV is not a kid even though when thoughts of drinking come they can sound like a whiny spoiled child, but it(you ) are not and it's not candy.
Stay with the not wanting to be drunk and all its inevitable consequences for the motivation to stay sober. A slip does not have to be a return to drinking , don't let it become one.
You have to accept(and sounds like you do) that drinking can't be an option going forward. Finding/ making happiness in life won't ever come from a return to drinking, yes? However we come by it , it certainly isn't going to come from alcohol , even the temporary 'relief' is a lie.
wish you well and hope to see you around
Stay with the not wanting to be drunk and all its inevitable consequences for the motivation to stay sober. A slip does not have to be a return to drinking , don't let it become one.
You have to accept(and sounds like you do) that drinking can't be an option going forward. Finding/ making happiness in life won't ever come from a return to drinking, yes? However we come by it , it certainly isn't going to come from alcohol , even the temporary 'relief' is a lie.
wish you well and hope to see you around
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2
Thank you everyone for your answers. It really warms my heart to know there are actual people who are/have been going through the same ordeal. I'm consulting, but I'm not attending meetings (and I don't want to).
I got straight with my GF and she took it quite well, considering, as long as I stay commited, which I am.
Funny thing, today a colleague of mine came to me to say that she scored her first month sober today! Small world...
I got straight with my GF and she took it quite well, considering, as long as I stay commited, which I am.
Funny thing, today a colleague of mine came to me to say that she scored her first month sober today! Small world...
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