Wanting to stop, not sure how.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 205
Wanting to stop, not sure how.
Hello!
First of all, I am so glad to have found this board. I have been reading through, and have found so much information. More importantly, it has reinforced for me that I am not alone.
I have been drinking for about 25 years now. At the beginning not too much, a couple of beers a day. I completely stopped for all three of my pregnancies. At one point about 5 years ago I felt it had gotten out of control, and stopped cold turkey for 3 months. The holidays slipped me up and I was back at it. Currently, I will drink about 6 beers then switch to rum and cokes, at least about 4, per day. At least a couple of times a week I will wake up blacked out from the night before. What has really scared me is that my daughter noticed the other day that my hands were shaking. It was the early afternoon, and I had not had a drink yet. I laughed it off and said that I hadn't eaten enough that day. But that was a real eye opener. I work full time, and take care of three kids. But a few weeks ago I called in sick, telling myself it was because I was really run down and needed a mental health day, but I know it was actually because I was hung over.
I am coming here because I need to stop. I am nervous about how to go about it. My husband is a heavy drinker as well, and he says yes we should cut back, but when I press and get serious about it he does not agree with me that it is as serious. He honestly may not be aware of just how much I drink and how it has been affecting me.
I don't know how to go about it. I read here about withdrawals, and that scares me a lot because it does seem like I have developed a physical dependence. With work, taking care of kids, I'm not sure how a detox program would work out. I am not trying to make excuses, I really am ready to stop, I just wonder if some of you could give me advice about how to go about a first step?
Thank you all in advance for your help. And thank you for having this space to work things out.
First of all, I am so glad to have found this board. I have been reading through, and have found so much information. More importantly, it has reinforced for me that I am not alone.
I have been drinking for about 25 years now. At the beginning not too much, a couple of beers a day. I completely stopped for all three of my pregnancies. At one point about 5 years ago I felt it had gotten out of control, and stopped cold turkey for 3 months. The holidays slipped me up and I was back at it. Currently, I will drink about 6 beers then switch to rum and cokes, at least about 4, per day. At least a couple of times a week I will wake up blacked out from the night before. What has really scared me is that my daughter noticed the other day that my hands were shaking. It was the early afternoon, and I had not had a drink yet. I laughed it off and said that I hadn't eaten enough that day. But that was a real eye opener. I work full time, and take care of three kids. But a few weeks ago I called in sick, telling myself it was because I was really run down and needed a mental health day, but I know it was actually because I was hung over.
I am coming here because I need to stop. I am nervous about how to go about it. My husband is a heavy drinker as well, and he says yes we should cut back, but when I press and get serious about it he does not agree with me that it is as serious. He honestly may not be aware of just how much I drink and how it has been affecting me.
I don't know how to go about it. I read here about withdrawals, and that scares me a lot because it does seem like I have developed a physical dependence. With work, taking care of kids, I'm not sure how a detox program would work out. I am not trying to make excuses, I really am ready to stop, I just wonder if some of you could give me advice about how to go about a first step?
Thank you all in advance for your help. And thank you for having this space to work things out.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome to the site, Needachangenow .
First step, see a doctor. You may be able to do this with just some prescriptive help, not a check-in type detox. With the amount you are drinking, please don't try "cold turkey" - it could be dangerous, even fatal.
Your husband doesn't need to be on board. It would be nice, but you can't wait for him - this is your body and your life. Many people stop drinking while living with someone who drinks. If he has a problem with drink, you may find things in your relationship become strained, but you are drinking an awful lot and it's going to catch up with you.
You can do this. Your kid(s) need you. There is a lot of wisdom on this site, I hope to see you around, welcome.
First step, see a doctor. You may be able to do this with just some prescriptive help, not a check-in type detox. With the amount you are drinking, please don't try "cold turkey" - it could be dangerous, even fatal.
Your husband doesn't need to be on board. It would be nice, but you can't wait for him - this is your body and your life. Many people stop drinking while living with someone who drinks. If he has a problem with drink, you may find things in your relationship become strained, but you are drinking an awful lot and it's going to catch up with you.
You can do this. Your kid(s) need you. There is a lot of wisdom on this site, I hope to see you around, welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
Hey needachangenow, welcome!
There is plenty of support here, don't give up! There are many people here with great advice and coping techniques far more matured than my own. I am young in my sobriety and don't want to venture out on giving you a lot of advice. I will tell you that they suggest you don't detox alone because it could be a very dangerous situation. Depending on your level of addiction it could be very serious. I am sure if you give your post here a little bit you will get some of the more seasoned recovering alcoholics, moderators, etc that will give you some information. I didn't want you to feel alone.
You're here and that's a great step! Wishing you peace and happiness on your journey. Yes, this is for you. Right now concentrate on you..the rest will come down the road.
There is plenty of support here, don't give up! There are many people here with great advice and coping techniques far more matured than my own. I am young in my sobriety and don't want to venture out on giving you a lot of advice. I will tell you that they suggest you don't detox alone because it could be a very dangerous situation. Depending on your level of addiction it could be very serious. I am sure if you give your post here a little bit you will get some of the more seasoned recovering alcoholics, moderators, etc that will give you some information. I didn't want you to feel alone.
You're here and that's a great step! Wishing you peace and happiness on your journey.
Yes, this is for you. Right now concentrate on you..the rest will come down the road.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
Well most people can't quit drinking on willpower alone and if they do it isn't usually contented sobriety. It's more of white knuckling it because all the issues as to why you were drinking so heavily in the first place have not been addressed and all that has happened is you have removed alcohol from the equation. Naturally you need to have a plan in place. For me getting a sponsor who has 30 plus years of sobriety was key to my recovery. I'm not a huge fan of AA, but I do like the concept of a sponsor because it made me be accountable to someone that I admired and wanted what she had and I didn't want to let her down. You will figure it out. Things to consider as part of your plan: attending AA meetings, helping other alcoholics, meditation, keeping a journal, reading self help books (maybe the AA big book), exercise, getting a sponsor/sober coach, making friends with people who don't drink, etc. Good luck, you can do this. Life is so much better sober. I use to wake up at 3am with insane thirst and soul crushing depression and vow to not drink that day and I always ended up right in the same place day after day. I shiver even thinking about it and am so happy I no longer have to live like that and haven't in 4 1/2 years,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 205
Thank you all so much for such support!
I agree Biminiblue, I have been thinking that a visit to the doctor should probably be my first step. At my last physical I hinted at my problem, but my PCP seemed very uncomfortable with me bringing it up. I may want to look for someone who specializes in this?
Thank you for the welcome Keyof C! And yes, this is for ME, and in turn for the good of my family. My husband kept using the word "we", like we aren't that bad, we can just cut back. I kept correcting him and saying right now I'm talking about what I need to do.
And Soberween, I can't believe you mentioned the specificity of the 3AM awakenings. That is exactly what happens to me just about every night. Soul crushing.
I am so happy I found this forum.
I agree Biminiblue, I have been thinking that a visit to the doctor should probably be my first step. At my last physical I hinted at my problem, but my PCP seemed very uncomfortable with me bringing it up. I may want to look for someone who specializes in this?
Thank you for the welcome Keyof C! And yes, this is for ME, and in turn for the good of my family. My husband kept using the word "we", like we aren't that bad, we can just cut back. I kept correcting him and saying right now I'm talking about what I need to do.
And Soberween, I can't believe you mentioned the specificity of the 3AM awakenings. That is exactly what happens to me just about every night. Soul crushing.
I am so happy I found this forum.
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Welcome to SR, needachangnow!
This is a great place to get answers and support.
For years I kept saying I needed to cut back, because the thought of stopping completely was too terrifying.
This is a great place to get answers and support.
For years I kept saying I needed to cut back, because the thought of stopping completely was too terrifying.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
NaC Welcome,
You can do it. I drank hard for 13 years. 1.75 ml. In 3 days was my max. So more than you.
Stop today. Eat when you crave, hydrate, multi vit. Candy helps.
It take a few days to detox. If you need a Dr. Then go. I didn't. Then it is a mental fight. Anxiety will drive you mad.
If you believe in a higher power, do this. It worked for me.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous
Linked w permission AAWE Inc.
Bills Story, pg. 13, Para. 2.
Helping others is part of the recovery process.
Don't hope to quit. Just quit.
You can do it. I drank hard for 13 years. 1.75 ml. In 3 days was my max. So more than you.
Stop today. Eat when you crave, hydrate, multi vit. Candy helps.
It take a few days to detox. If you need a Dr. Then go. I didn't. Then it is a mental fight. Anxiety will drive you mad.
If you believe in a higher power, do this. It worked for me.
Alcoholics Anonymous : Alcoholics Anonymous
Linked w permission AAWE Inc.
Bills Story, pg. 13, Para. 2.
Helping others is part of the recovery process.
Don't hope to quit. Just quit.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
I agree going to the Dr is the best idea, find one who will listen and help if your current one does not.
I quit after being admitted in to the ER while I was blacked out. It was embarrassing for my wife and of course me. I never thought it would get to that level and always made excuses while I knew I had a big problem. Don't let it get to that level put an end to it now.
The first few weeks will be rough my anxiety was debilitating but I got through it. After you start feeling better your mind will try to trick you into drinking again so make sure you have a good plan and support.
I quit after being admitted in to the ER while I was blacked out. It was embarrassing for my wife and of course me. I never thought it would get to that level and always made excuses while I knew I had a big problem. Don't let it get to that level put an end to it now.
The first few weeks will be rough my anxiety was debilitating but I got through it. After you start feeling better your mind will try to trick you into drinking again so make sure you have a good plan and support.
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
Welcome!
Your story is very similar to mine. My ex husband and I were "drinking buddies" for a long time, but we were very different. He could drink all day and it didn't seem to affect him all that much so he didn't think he had a problem (what he was really doing was "maintenance drinking," which IS a problem). My problem was more pronounced, as I would black out and do crazy stuff. I quit for awhile and he didn't, and I handled it. He could not. Eventually, we divorced, not necessarily because of the drinking (we had lots of other issues ), but that was part of it. Fortunately, we are friends now but he still struggles with his drinking and it's hard to watch sometimes.
My point is that yes, you can get sober even if he doesn't but you will need a lot of support outside of your marriage. Whether it's a trusted friend or family member, AA, or here at SR, get some good people in your corner. I found that when I stopped drinking, my ex felt threatened and occasionally tried to sabotage my efforts. You need a strong support system that can hold you up if your husband doesn't get on board with your sobriety.
As far as withdrawals, I did detox in the hospital a couple of times, but I was also able to do it at home with a script for librium. I didn't go to my PCP for it, I went to an urgent care clinic and told the doctor there that I needed to detox from alcohol. It was not a problem and I got a three day script. That may or may not be an option for you since a lot of those places are on high alert for people who are just seeking drugs, but it might be an option to try if you don't want to ask your regular doctor.
In any event, good luck on your journey and stick close to SR. There's a lot of great support and wisdom here!
Your story is very similar to mine. My ex husband and I were "drinking buddies" for a long time, but we were very different. He could drink all day and it didn't seem to affect him all that much so he didn't think he had a problem (what he was really doing was "maintenance drinking," which IS a problem). My problem was more pronounced, as I would black out and do crazy stuff. I quit for awhile and he didn't, and I handled it. He could not. Eventually, we divorced, not necessarily because of the drinking (we had lots of other issues ), but that was part of it. Fortunately, we are friends now but he still struggles with his drinking and it's hard to watch sometimes.
My point is that yes, you can get sober even if he doesn't but you will need a lot of support outside of your marriage. Whether it's a trusted friend or family member, AA, or here at SR, get some good people in your corner. I found that when I stopped drinking, my ex felt threatened and occasionally tried to sabotage my efforts. You need a strong support system that can hold you up if your husband doesn't get on board with your sobriety.
As far as withdrawals, I did detox in the hospital a couple of times, but I was also able to do it at home with a script for librium. I didn't go to my PCP for it, I went to an urgent care clinic and told the doctor there that I needed to detox from alcohol. It was not a problem and I got a three day script. That may or may not be an option for you since a lot of those places are on high alert for people who are just seeking drugs, but it might be an option to try if you don't want to ask your regular doctor.
In any event, good luck on your journey and stick close to SR. There's a lot of great support and wisdom here!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Ky
Posts: 2,043
My husband is an active drinker. I had to decide for myself what I can handle and what I can't. I had to set boundaries. It's unrealistic to think that everything we do and everywhere we go people won't drink or there won't be alcohol. It's unrealistic that I won't have to deal with drinkers or be put in situations where alcohol is readily available. He drinks and his whole family drink. I had a talk with him and we came to an agreement and understanding. He gets it and respects my boundaries. It's up to me. If I start to feel overwhelmed I always have an exit plan. I have tools in place for when I get triggers and it's not just by outside factors it could very well be him triggering me. I am the one with the problem. Does he have a problem, probably, but it's not for me to take his inventory. I love him and I have chose to be with him. I just decided I didn't want to be an alcoholic anymore. My choice. I can't make anyone else do anything. I can only control myself and my little corner of my world.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by Needachangenow 
Hello!
First of all, I am so glad to have found this board. I have been reading through, and have found so much information. More importantly, it has reinforced for me that I am not alone.
I have been drinking for about 25 years now. At the beginning not too much, a couple of beers a day. I completely stopped for all three of my pregnancies. At one point about 5 years ago I felt it had gotten out of control, and stopped cold turkey for 3 months. The holidays slipped me up and I was back at it. Currently, I will drink about 6 beers then switch to rum and cokes, at least about 4, per day. At least a couple of times a week I will wake up blacked out from the night before. What has really scared me is that my daughter noticed the other day that my hands were shaking. It was the early afternoon, and I had not had a drink yet. I laughed it off and said that I hadn't eaten enough that day. But that was a real eye opener. I work full time, and take care of three kids. But a few weeks ago I called in sick, telling myself it was because I was really run down and needed a mental health day, but I know it was actually because I was hung over.
I am coming here because I need to stop. I am nervous about how to go about it. My husband is a heavy drinker as well, and he says yes we should cut back, but when I press and get serious about it he does not agree with me that it is as serious. He honestly may not be aware of just how much I drink and how it has been affecting me.
I don't know how to go about it. I read here about withdrawals, and that scares me a lot because it does seem like I have developed a physical dependence. With work, taking care of kids, I'm not sure how a detox program would work out. I am not trying to make excuses, I really am ready to stop, I just wonder if some of you could give me advice about how to go about a first step?
Thank you all in advance for your help. And thank you for having this space to work things out.
First of all, I am so glad to have found this board. I have been reading through, and have found so much information. More importantly, it has reinforced for me that I am not alone.
I have been drinking for about 25 years now. At the beginning not too much, a couple of beers a day. I completely stopped for all three of my pregnancies. At one point about 5 years ago I felt it had gotten out of control, and stopped cold turkey for 3 months. The holidays slipped me up and I was back at it. Currently, I will drink about 6 beers then switch to rum and cokes, at least about 4, per day. At least a couple of times a week I will wake up blacked out from the night before. What has really scared me is that my daughter noticed the other day that my hands were shaking. It was the early afternoon, and I had not had a drink yet. I laughed it off and said that I hadn't eaten enough that day. But that was a real eye opener. I work full time, and take care of three kids. But a few weeks ago I called in sick, telling myself it was because I was really run down and needed a mental health day, but I know it was actually because I was hung over.
I am coming here because I need to stop. I am nervous about how to go about it. My husband is a heavy drinker as well, and he says yes we should cut back, but when I press and get serious about it he does not agree with me that it is as serious. He honestly may not be aware of just how much I drink and how it has been affecting me.
I don't know how to go about it. I read here about withdrawals, and that scares me a lot because it does seem like I have developed a physical dependence. With work, taking care of kids, I'm not sure how a detox program would work out. I am not trying to make excuses, I really am ready to stop, I just wonder if some of you could give me advice about how to go about a first step?
Thank you all in advance for your help. And thank you for having this space to work things out.
As far as withdrawing from alcohol goes, I didn't really have too many physical symptoms such as tremors, etc. Before I made the decision to quit I was a binge drinker and before I relapsed into a binge drinker I had quit for several years and before that I was a 1-2 beers or wine drinker in the evenings around the stressful dinner hour...I realized that feeling stress/pressured was a trigger for me and then later depression/insomnia became triggers.
My insomnia got so bad that I sort of became obsessed with it! And that obsession just made it worse. I went on medication and am still using natural remedies that I started to use years ago when I worked odd, late hours. I've always been a bit of a night owl; something I think I got from my father, plus working late hours.
I told my Dr. one day: "If I get good sleep, I'm golden." And I am finding that still to be true...
But I've also needed to take a really good look at feeling pressured, stressed and being a perfectionist with my career, which sort overrides into my personal life as well. I've needed to learn the beauty of letting go...and interesting PROCESS...it is SOOoooo totally a process that I cannot really describe. We think we are letting go, but in another sense we are EMBRACING! When I finally figured that out, letting go was not so painful for me... (if that makes sense...)
Anyways...stopping can be abrupt, if you want...or it can be a PROCESS of letting go...it is in no way EASY...I think it would be a huge disservice to let on otherwise...
Your initial step is to somehow STOP...it helps to have someone or someTHING in your life who will hold you accountable...then once you have stopped, you will likely start to see things differently and think about things differently...and realize what all needs to be HEALED within you before you can be FAITHFUL to your sobriety ...
hope this helps!
Blessed Be...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 205
This all makes so much sense! I have to say, that I was not sober today. There was an event I had to go to that did not make much sense for me to be my first day sober. I am honestly hoping for Monday. I want to call and hopefully see a doc that day. I do think a doc would be the best way for me to go. I don't have much faith in my PCP so I would rather see a specialist, maybe it seems urgent care might be the way to go?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Hello, Needachange - it's great to have you with us.
Whoever you decide to see, it's a wise idea to get some assistance with this. Posting and reading here really helps encourage us. Everyone understands what you're going through, unlike most people in our lives. We know you can do it. It'll feel great to get free.
Whoever you decide to see, it's a wise idea to get some assistance with this. Posting and reading here really helps encourage us. Everyone understands what you're going through, unlike most people in our lives.
We know you can do it. It'll feel great to get free.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 205
The fact that you are all so supportive is awesome. I actually have a meeting with someone on Friday, which I know is a few days away, but it will hopefully help. I just need to know where to start. I don't think I can do it on my own.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Originally Posted by Needachangenow
The fact that you are all so supportive is awesome. I actually have a meeting with someone on Friday, which I know is a few days away, but it will hopefully help. I just need to know where to start. I don't think I can do it on my own.
I'd recommend joining the current Newcomers' "Class of October 2015" thread - you'll find others there who are at the beginning of their journey. There is also the "One year and under" thread in Newcomers' Daily threads for further support. Some of us who have been sober over a year like to post with the Unders and cheer them on.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
Welcome x start with today.... "Today i wont drink" and then work on tomorrow say the same thing and so on. Stay close to us in SR, def consider getting along to an AA meeting and above everything else speak to your doctor who will properly be able to manage your symptoms (if any) through detox x We are here to help you every step of the way x much love x
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Welcome to SR, and well done on your decision to start a new sober life.
The one thing I'd add is whether you decide to stop on your own, or by seeing a doctor first, and/or using AA, or AVRT or any other method, all of which you can read about on this site, take your first active step to sobriety first thing in the morning (it's night here, so maybe you can start today where you are). It's too easy to make firm resolutions and then let them drift away while you wait for something else to happen first. If you want to see a doctor first, phone them the minute their office is open and book the first appointment they have. If you're going to go to AA, look up where the nearest meeting is and go to the next one available. My only regret about giving up drinking is that I didn't do it 30 years ago.
The one thing I'd add is whether you decide to stop on your own, or by seeing a doctor first, and/or using AA, or AVRT or any other method, all of which you can read about on this site, take your first active step to sobriety first thing in the morning (it's night here, so maybe you can start today where you are). It's too easy to make firm resolutions and then let them drift away while you wait for something else to happen first. If you want to see a doctor first, phone them the minute their office is open and book the first appointment they have. If you're going to go to AA, look up where the nearest meeting is and go to the next one available. My only regret about giving up drinking is that I didn't do it 30 years ago.
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