GerdMuller

I can't get out of it because it's a good friend. But staying sober will be tough. It's easy typing this in bed with all good intentions now, but a different thing altogether in a bar with 30 drunk lads.

Any ideas how I can stay sober? I was planning on taking the car then just bailing after a couple of hours.

Anyone been in this situation??

Soberwolf

Yes, having an exit plan like you spoke about is wise thinking also having a soft drink/cocktail in your hand will help

Do any of your friends know your not drinking or are any of them tee total ?

Anna

I would not go. I could not have stayed sober in those circumstances.

Recovery, especially in the very early days, needs to be a priority.

suki44883

My response might not sit well with you, but I would tell my good friend what's going on and that as much as I would love to be there, my sobriety is more important. If he is truly a good friend, he will understand. JMHO.

Dee74

Unless it's your own stag do, you can get out of it

I 'road tested' my recovery very early...I didn't cave but man I was woefully ill-prepared.

After that very close shave of an evening I diecided that I'd put my recovery first.

I stayed away from all events where I knew alcohol would be flowing freely - I simply had no business being there as an alcoholic who was trying not to drink.

I didn't sit around the house tho. There's a million fun things to do without alcohol.

Later on, when I felt sure in my recovery and knew that nothing or noone could sway me, I ventured out again.

I can go anyone and be with anyone and be sober now, but I needed to work up to that.

Take your friend out for a meal or something?

D

Spinach

Yes you can get out of it .
It's the wrong place for you right now.
A good friend will understand, a dull friend wouldn't care .
Remember it's not about them not drinking it's about you showing commitment to your life your dreams and hopes and tomorrow night or Sunday morning when your lashed and wondering where your control went wrong , you planned it .
Maybe not consciously but the guy putting his head in a lions mouth planned that too.
Go on give your self the chance to get to ten straight days , twisted ankle , migraine , food poisoning or honesty . Go AWOL .
Go on prove me wrong.
Oh and FANTASTIC on the week , remember you don't need to do it again.
Good luck whatever happens.
John.

Dharma33

But staying sober will be tough.

^^^This is exactly why you shouldn't go.^^^

Very early sobriety is a delicate situation, and your sobriety has to come first.

Congratulations on a week- keep up the great work

sg1970

Yes you can.

bigsombrero

I'm with the rest. Sorry you're in such a tough spot, man. And I'm not going to guarantee you'll drink...but let's face it, what's the point of going to a stag party if you're going to be sober? That's what you'll probably say to yourself tomorrow night also.

People get sick. They have the flu, a cold, or food poisoning. They skip work, presentations, weddings and funerals because of these illnesses. Bail out sick, and make it up to your friend with a nice dinner or breakfast sometime down the road. He'll probably need a hearty breakfast the next morning, take him out for coffee and an English breakfast. Just don't go to that stag night, man. Just say no.

Soberpotamus

There is no way I would walk into that sort of situation in early recovery. I am working towards three years sober and there's no way I'd do that now. That seems like such a no brainer. In a bar, with 30 other people drinking ... no way could I enjoy that or handle that well.

I hope you decide to let this friend know that it's not in your best interest.

Notimetoloose

These things are so not fun in early sobriety and questionable in long term sobriety.

Don't do it to yourself, can you imagine the mental gymnastics you and your AV will be doing.

If he is a good friend he will understand.

EndGameNYC

No.

For me, feeling obligated to go to a heavy-drinking, and therefore high-stress event in early sobriety would only be another version of my planning to drink, with a half-assed wrapping job. There was no way around it, and I didn't try to either manufacture or find a good reason to go. I chose to skip those events and stay sober. I don't feel I've missed a thing, and no one remembers my absence.

The lies I told myself had stopped working long before I put down the drink. I had no business being around drinkers then and, after more than four years sober, I still don't.

leviathan

I've found myself wanting a drink (or 6)not for craving's sake, but because intoxicated folks are such an irritant to me now. I can't pretend to be interested in the loud repetitive shite.

When it gets silly, I leave early. When drinking is the primary activity, I pass altogether. No one has ever been upset with me. I've even heard "man, I should left too..."

GerdMuller

So... It's pretty undecided then or whether I stay or go................

Just my little joke. When everyone, who are unquestioned experts on this, unanimously say not to go, I'd be a fool to try.

You're right I'll just tell the truth to him then take him out somewhere else another day.

It's funny but in writing this all I feel is utter relief, and no protest from my AV. I suspect he's still asleep though as its 06:46am, I wonder how happy he'll be at 5:00pm. Still, F*** him.

Thanks so much everyone - I'll try get to two weeks for you all

Berrybean

I know it's important to be honest - but I think it might be worth saving that 'honest' conversation with your friend til another day. Likelihood is that he will try to talk you around and that could lead to disaster.

SELF honesty is the most important thing. (And not hurting other people with the truth to make things easier for ourselves.) And you don't want to end up worrying whether your sobriety / drinking habits have become the subject of drunk and ridiculously indignant beer-fuelled conversation in your absence.

Food poisoning's a terrible thing. Get well soon.

Meraviglioso

This is a fantastic idea. And as he is such a good friend it will be a much more meaningful way to spend time with him to celebrate his upcoming wedding. Bail out sick for the night but make a solid plan to see him for breakfast. A breakfast or brunch will be a nice time to really connect with him and maybe others that want to come. It will also be a MUCH easier situation to resist alcoholic beverages. Sure he or others might have a bloody mary, but I don't think anyone would question your coffee or juice. There would be much more peer pressure and internal pressure to partake in the drinking at a night time event at a bar. Stay strong!

GravyTrain

Hi all.
Sorry beccybean, but I disagree.
I think you should tell your mate the truth.
It sounds like he's a good mate of yours, and if so he will at least try to understand.
If you tell him and be honest, that's like kicking your AV in the bollocks because the option of going to anything like that with your friend in the future will then become a whole different proposition if he knows about your addiction.
I think you will find tremendous relief if you do tell him, if you are serious about not ever drinking again then this is a great opportunity for a really big positive step to do exactly that.
I'm on day 25 and there's no way I could go to a stag do. Probably won't ever again, what's the point of going to a **** up if you're not drinking? I've told a couple of mates about my addiction, and now that avenue of 'enabling' has been taken out of the equation. Very freeing.
Good luck mate. Well done on a week by the way!
Cheers.

sobriiestote

The fact you feel relieved shows it's the right decision, tell him you're taking him out next week for a meal / cinema / bowling / something that avoids alcohol, he will then know you still want to spend time with him, just not the drink!

GerdMuller

Thanks again. I think I'm just going to tell him the truth. He'll be alright with it.

I'll arrange for breakfast in the week too.

X

Berrybean

All good points.
I think I'm imagining a lot of my long-term friends. Most of whom are BIG drinkers themselves, and have not necessarily been understanding or accepting of my decision. It sounds like (thankfully) the 'Stag' in question might be slightly more reasonable