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Reconciling Free Will and Step 3

Old 10-13-2015, 05:53 PM
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Reconciling Free Will and Step 3

I'm really loving my 12 step group and am finding the program very helpful. One thing I'm struggling with, though, is reconciling the idea of free will with Step 3 (turning our lives over to the care of a Higher Power).

I consider myself somewhere between an atheist and and an agnostic. I do believe in a Higher Power -- the universe/nature. But I also believe in free will. To take a very rudimentary example, I am making a choice right now to sit here and type this message. I could be watching TV or having a snack or whatever. That is MY choice. I do believe in looking to a Higher Power for guidance, but it just sounds silly to me to say that one can completely relinquish his/her will to a Higher Power. I'm very open to new ideas/points of view, so if anyone can help me reconcile this, I'm really curious to hear!

How do you conceptualize the idea of making your own decisions within the framework of the 12 Steps (and Step 3 in particular)? Thank you!
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Old 10-13-2015, 06:07 PM
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The first time I worked through those steps all I focused on was being under the care of a power greater than I so I could get through the next 4 steps (4-7). This discussion is one I have on a regular basis with my sponsor. Been working for me over 4 years now.....

Today I ask my higher power to help align my will with theirs......
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Old 10-13-2015, 06:26 PM
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I've been struggling with Step 3 as well. God & I have been friends for quite awhile. Very informal. I've never asked Him for anything. Never been angry with Him. Now I'm supposed to relinquish myself to Him?

My newbie perception is shaping up like this: I do God's will. Be a good person. Treat everyone I come in contact with the way God would want (will) me to treat them. Accept life for what it is, not as I would have it. Trust him that everything has a purpose.

I figure if I do this, my free will is His will. Win/win.

Sounds good anyways. Time will tell.
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Old 10-13-2015, 08:53 PM
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It is really more of a shift in thinking. The third step to me is a means to turn the volume down on that negative feedback loop or committee meeting going on in my head that is fed by fear. Fear I am going to lose something or fear I am not going to get something that I think I need to make me happy. This self centered fear causes me to manipulate or attempt to control people and situations. When I react out of fear to try and get my way, I generally step on the toes of others and make the situation much worse. I also live in a state or turmoil or unease. I drank and took drugs to ease that turmoil or state of unease.

When bothered by a situation such as fear of losing a job or a spouse, I pray:

God if it is your will for me to lose that job, and that is not what I want, let me be okay with that and let me know that you will take care of me.

First off, my fear of losing my job can be completely random or irrational. Even if there is a valid basis or concern, the prayer is meant to keep me from living in a state of fear and potentially causing more damage to situation. 99 times out of 100, the fear is irrational, but trusting God to take care of you and lead you in the direction you need to go helps calm the mind, vastly improves quality of life, keeps me from causing more harm or from drinking to suppress the fear.

Turning will over typically does nothing more than calm my mind and keep me from mucking things up which I do when driven by and reacting out of fear.
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Old 10-14-2015, 08:06 AM
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Cool

If you turn your will and your life over..... you would be doing so of your own choice, your own free will.

HOWEVER, let's remember what step actually says. It does NOT say that we turn our will and our life over, etc.; it says that we make a decision to do so, and then it goes directly into Step-4.

(o:
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Old 10-14-2015, 08:43 AM
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Made a decision to turn our will and our lives our to the care of God as we understood Him.

i think that one highlighted word gets missed quite often.
we still have our will(thoughts) and life (actions).
now we decide to keep our will and life on the plane of what our HP would want us to do.

which as Noelle pointed out means weve decided to continue onto the next step.
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Old 10-14-2015, 09:00 AM
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this truly is a simple program. a problem i have seen js alcoholics are very intelligent so the simplicity of it just doesnt make sense. it should be something requiring at least some mathematical analysis and possibly a thesis on physiological psychology.
but it doesnt.

one of the hardest things for me to see,understand, and accept was just how simple it is.
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Old 10-14-2015, 10:53 AM
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Welcome to SR Ilgetbetter
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Old 10-14-2015, 11:23 AM
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I have always seen this step in relation to choices and problem solving. Having everything under my control, done my way, doesn't seem so important when I am having a great time in life.

But if nothing is going my way and life is full of problems, the question of how much control I have in solving those problems becomes rather important.

I always kept my problems a secret and prided myself on being able to solve everything by myself. But, I didn't have a lot of success with that method when I was drinking.
I see turning it over as: identifying what problems I cannot realistically solve myself, and what problems I can.
Being able to accept that there are some problems I will not be able to do anything about, and being okay with that, is one of the gifts of step 3.
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Old 10-14-2015, 11:43 AM
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When I was at this point, what worked for me was to see Step 3 as an exercise in willingness to let go of the illusion I had of being in control. Spirituality doesn't necessitate a deist/theist worldview. Spirituality in this context can be a desire to become willing to relinquish your desire to orchestrate your life, to the degree that this desire is unhealthy. Since we aren't always able to do just as we please in life, it's a great lesson on acceptance of reality. Living life on life's terms, as AA's say
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Old 10-14-2015, 02:44 PM
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Im on step 3 at the mo and too questioned "who". I am a spiritualist so im just sticking with my beliefs and faith as to who my higher power is. Tbh the universe for you would be an awesome higher power Hand over your worries your fears to the universe ask the universe to support you in desperate times, its as simple as that x Glad your getting on well with AA btw
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Old 10-15-2015, 04:40 AM
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Welcome to the Forum Itllgetbetter!!
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