Hello there! plus fender-bender and a field sobriety test
 

Hello! My name is Anna and I am a professional musician, part-time chocolatier and docent at an amazing museum. I have had problems with alcohol since my teens. I'd had 15 years of sobriety but got complacent and arrogant and started again in 2007. Four years of inevitable disaster followed culminating in near-death withdrawal seizures, detox, 3 months at a Christian rehab (which although I am a Buddhist helped me greatly) and mostly sobriety with one relapse that I learned a lot from. Now I have 4 and a half months aided by individual and group therapy, meditation, SR, yoga, renewed obsession with cycling, healthy eating and compliance with my medication. I also have Asperger's syndrome and issues with anxiety, depression and Tourette's.

So early this evening I headed downtown to run an errand, pulled into a parking space and felt a bump at the rear of my car. Another car had backed out and hit me- a very slight tap. I parked and walked over and the lady in the other car was very upset. I suggested we trade info but she insisted on calling the police. She had been to dinner at a very fancy place across the street and the half-dozen other people she'd been with came out and began yelling at me and calling me a liar, that this tiny thing was entirely my fault, that I appeared out of nowhere....they started taking pictures of me (not the car, me.) When the cop came he was surprised at what a big deal was being made of this and told them to back off me. I then went and worked a crossword puzzle at my car while this was going on, not engaging the escalating scene in the slightest. After 30 minutes of this the woman who hit me was so angry that I wasn't getting a ticket that she insisted the cop's supervisor come to the scene. He did and approached me. He then said the people who were angry with me were concerned that I'd been drinking!! He asked me if I had and I said quite truthfully that I don't drink! He asked if I would mind taking a field sobriety test and I said sure. I'd never taken one before (remarkable considering my past) so it was the one where they test for nystagmus and it was quite hard enough without drink! I was quite embarrassed standing there, dead sober but so dearly thankful that I could stand there sober, serene, proud and thankful. I was allowed to leave soon after and I felt sorry for the cops because when I returned to my car 45 minutes later the disappointed were still jawing at them. I finally called out 'have a pleasant evening, ladies!'

But then driving home I felt resentful and nauseatingly sick. In the distorted maze of my alcoholic mind I wanted to drink, I wanted an excuse to drink. In the irrationality of the moment I found it. I despise confrontation but there I was forced into it. The autism and disability I deal with made me feel even more broken.....I was seriously contemplating drink until I realised how the officer was on my side and I was the rational person. We were laughing- me-'she's trying to get me into trouble' him-'she's trying to get us all in trouble!'
So instead of drink I called a pal and talked for an hour and now am introducing myself to my SR pals. Thank you!

Ahahaha! I love this story! Those people sound like they were too fancy and elegant to make any kind of mistake. Hell they even thought the cop was in the wrong because they were so damn blind. Crazy crazy people out there I tell you.

Very nice to meet you Verdantia, you sound like a cool, calm and collective individual seeing as you do crossword puzzles while 7 crazy people go completely bonkers!

Hi Soberish!
Nice to meet you, too. I think that most of the time people just share their license and insurance and that's it. The escalation was surreal for a truly tiny incident. I do feel the police appreciated my not engaging the insanity, plus it was boring. I always keep crosswords on hand for dull moments. Earlier in the day I hung out with my dear friend Sandra who is battling breast and ovarian cancer and is fighting like an Amazon warrior to survive. Then this petty -ass BS. The idea of drinking over this now is ridiculous but then again, the thought of drinking is always there....

Wow that's insanity! What a crazy person. Good for you on keeping your cool! I admire that. Most people couldn't and I would be one of them (I hate confrontation too though). I probably would have started crying and I would have felt that I "deserved" a drink after going through that too. I'm sorry about your friend, it sounds like she's helped you gain perspective on what's really important in life though.

Welcome, great to have you.

And the real question is -- did they make her take the test??

You go girl, we know how hard this is, and we are here.

Hi sixtyfour,
When the supervisor showed up and i had to do the sobriety test-that made me extremely stressed. My issues with autism were indescribably hard at that point but I thought of my friend and her strength and how ridiculous it was for this lady to be so bent out of shape over something so silly as a tiny dent when Sandra and I talked about life and death one minute and then played nascar with the 'old lady' carts at Walmart the next. Perhaps after i modeled a batgirl onesie whilst she chased me through the automotive section in her cart made me immune to such things.....

Hi Dropsie,
I had that same question and in retrospect should have asked them to test her but I wanted to get on with my evening. It was just shocking. And I am glad to be here!

I'm really sorry you had to go through all that but I think you aced it really Verdantia.

You did nothing wrong - don't let other peoples' problems or issues bring you down. They should be the embarrassed ones - they tried to make you the patsy but it backfired badly :)

:roflmao
I think that's the best response ever - did you couple it with a regal wave? :)

D

Hi Dee! I'm so happy to say a personal hello to you. Your wisdom has helped me through a lot. So, yeah-for some reason the concept of tiny accident did not seem to register. I did walk by across the street from them doing the queen of England wrist-wave! Another thing is that the 'lady' asked to take pics of my car and I was like sure, no problem as she took pics of serious 2 year old damage to the back door panel. I look or ward to ol' gal submitting this to her insurance carrier....

Looks like this was not her first rodeo (or demolition derby) Anna... :)

D

What a great story to read, thank you for sharing this.

Lovely to meet you, Meraviglioso. Your posts have helped me so much. Somehow I don't think I have heard the last of 'you're a liar, it's not my fault!'

That is really frustrating to think that it might come back. Do you think this crazy woman will try and press charges or take it further or are you talking about life in general? If she does try to take it further she really does sound unstable! I hope that is not the case but I can definitely relate to the worry of how things will turn out.
I've posted this before, it helps me so much to remember and repeat this wonderful Italian phrase: "male non fare, paura non avere" which loosely translates to "don't do anything wrong and you have nothing to fear"
That was certainly the case with this incident, you did nothing wrong and you handled it brilliantly. Don't take lightly the strength you showed. You really handled this the best way possible and I certainly think that you grew your sober muscles. Again, thank you for this inspiring post, you have provided a great model for how to handle a stressful and frightening situation.

Welcome bk Verdantia/Anna excellent post

Hi Verdantia/Anna! Great how you handled that very difficult situation. I can understand the urge to drink and you handled it just perfectly. You are a very strong lady.

Few years back I was in a similar situation. I was at a corner gas station and a guy in a brand new porsche was cutting through to bypass a red light at the intersection. He hit my rear bumper, I had no damage but he did. He went ballistic, was asking everyone if they saw and how it was my fault. The police came and he had expired insurance and registration. Cops were pretty much on my side and it made him even more mad until he told them he paid their salaries. That was pretty much the end for him as he got taken away. Justice served!

I'm glad that everything worked out OK for you! On a side note, do you think that people thought that you were drinking because of your aspbergers? I have aspbergers too, and people have told me that they thought that I was drinking or on drugs, when I wasn't. This started in high school, before I had even tried alcohol.

Awesome story, Verdantia. I had a similar crap moment like yours not too long ago and felt good about my own, "I don't drink" too. happyface:

Delfin

Sorry this happened to you. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders . Hugs. C