PurpleKnight

Alcochol is just one bad decision after another!!

I don't know the ins and outs of a court card, but doctoring one I'm sure comes with an even heftier penalty, don't let alcohol mess things up even more, you and I, have seen first hand not only through our own drinking but through that of a family member, for me it was my dad's alcoholism I got to see up close, how alcohol can be a train crash waiting to happen.

It was just lie after lie, misery after misery, don't give alcohol any more scope to cause any more consequences, take it on the chin, draw a line and move on with your life?!!

Jsbodhi

We're in Canada, so the person (victim) doesn't charge you, the state does ( so someone doesn't drop charges against you, its up to the court) so instead of a charge they often order other things like fines, AA, community service. It's up to the discretion of the court.
Canada is pretty good about not trying to ruin your life with a record if you're not a serial offender.
If you complete your requirements, then you don't get the record, if you fail to comply, then you'll be charged.
Of course it happens, but my experience is that the courts are usually quite fair, my brother is 46, has a very upscale job, and doesn't get into trouble, so I suppose they decided to give him a break.

My friend got really really drunk, spit on a police car, verbally abused the police, they arrested him, took him to jail, in the morning he went to court, the judge said because he'd never been in trouble before they wouldn't charge him, but he had to apologize to police department and pay a large fine.

And when I said "state" I meant the government, not a state like USA, I used to be a political science major so I'm used to saying state instead of gov, I sometimes confuse people when I say that

Jsbodhi

Yes exactly, it's like felony murder, even if you didn't pull the trigger, it doesn't mean you won't go down with that ship, you have to be careful not put yourself in situations where it's possible to be compromised.

Berrybean

You know - sometimes we learn lessons from the least likely places.
Sounds like you cared a lot from that Uncle of yours, and I'm betting that he wouldn't be overly made up about some of the choices (slippery people and slippery places) that you're allowing to affect your life right now. I bet he'd have some wisdom for you if you'd listen.

Sounds like it's not a choice (really) about the meetings, so you may as well go with an open mind rather than a closed one, and listen out for some of your uncles-like wisdom that I'm sure he'd be sending with love and gratitude to the niece that cared enough for him to take him to meetings.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Soberwolf

I know of no examples sorry about your uncle

My best advice is accept the situation, you were in the veichle you knew your bf had a drink in him there was alcohol in the car & he was still drinking & driving you knew this CW

Accept the situation you wouldn't be in this situation if you wernt there you knew your bf was drunk & planning on driving & was still drinking while driving you might not want to go CW but it sounds as if it might benefit you & your bf as I don't think you see the full severity of the situation you two could of got a cab that night but didnt ?? not to mention there could of been a fatal accident.....has that crossed your mind I say this as a friend & not to attack you but I think this is a excellent wake up call

tomsteve

welp, heres my experience with court ordered aa attendance.
first, i was given a choice-2 meetings/wk for a year or time in jail. i absolutely didnt have to go to aa. it wasnt forced on me. i could have done the time.
i chose to go to aa.
but was still in denial that alcohol was a problem.
i went to the 2 meetings/wk for about 3 months.
then started buying signatures at the bar for a beer.

almost 30 days to the day of getting off of probation i found myself out of denial. i admitted alcohol was the comon denominator in all my problems.
and found myself in aa.
those meetings i went to while on probation planted a seed that gave me a place to go when i finally admitted alcohol was a problem and i wanted help.
ive not only been sober since. i have a great life and can live life on lifes terms.

i hope you at least face the consequences of your actions,attend the meetings, and listen.

tomsteve

p.s.
i think it was a blessing your uncle had you to take him to meetings.
maybe while your there you could open up and share how youre feeling and get some suggestions and the experiences of others.

dcg

Good story Tom. I'm curious, though, for a year of 2x meetings, how long was the jail option?

Also, what is buying signatures (I've never done AA) at the bar mean?

Carlotta

I ll let Tom tell you about that one but I have a friend in AA who back then when he was mandated just stole our home group stamp
Took him a few more years to finally see the light (on his own) and decide to stop destroying his life with drugs and alcohol.
Tomsteve has a point though, it can plant the seeds in and in the case of my friend, when he was ready he knew where he could go to get help (and no, he did not have to pay AA back for the stamp he stole although after 27+ years, all those dollars in the basket probably more than covered it)

tomsteve

6 months behind bars.

buy someone a beer for a signature.

dcg

Wowzers.

Signature for what? Who requires the sigs and who are supposed to be legitimately signing it?

tomsteve

in many states when a person gets an alcohol related driving offense the judge can give them the same choices i was given. the person has a probation officer to report to with tne slips with signatures usually from tne person,chairing the meeting.

zombob

Court ordered meetings are being struck down in many states for a variety of reasons, Separation of church and state is the biggie and yes, AA is deemed a religious org in many supreme courts due to the "g" word throughout all it's literature. The other biggie is there are no Official AA people. I've actually seen an old-timer tell a kid he would not sign his last name cuz AA is Anonymous, duh. AA's traditions are against this but have sort of allowed it for yrs. Do some research. Never have I seen an AA member subpeona-ed to testify if someone was at a meeting or not--would go directly against AA's traditions....as does the whole affiliation from day one. Most groups just think they're helping society but it's a very grey area indeed. That being said I have seen more than one paper-person stay sober and become productive members over the years---but less than five.

dcg

So any schmo can sign the paper and they won't reconcile the signatures?

tomsteve

oh they can.has happened more than once a probation officer has callex tne numbers.

Carlotta

Like Tom said, it's hit and miss a bit like driving drunk: you might luck out and not get pulled over or you might get busted. I guess some people either like to gamble and live dangerously or are so caught up in their addiction that all sense of self preservation has left them.

Anyway, people can opt to go to a secular group like SMART and get their papers signed there or they can pay the piper and go to jail for breaking the law in the first place.

I am not a fan of court mandated meetings either. Aside from the first amendment issues I feels it also goes against AA traditions.
Some groups will not sign court slips. Mine does so when I have secretaried, I just followed the group conscience but it does not mean that I agree with it.

I think the reasoning behind mandating people to treatment or support groups is to give them a chance to change if they want to. Unfortunately, we end up with people who whine that they have to do something and truly don't want to quit as if they were expecting a free pass and a pat on the back for endangering public safety.
They are so caught up into their selfishness that they cannot even see how they are responsible for what they did and what could have happened (killing someone for example).

I feel that people who drive under the influence should spend some time in jail period.
If they decide they don't like the consequences of their drinking, they can start their recovery right there behind bars: with or without AA.
Sending most of those people to AA is wasting everyone's time.

zombob

A close family member of mine turns in a paper dutifully every month to her probation officer. We have a printer and a meeting schedule.....oh and our local homegroup has a facebook page.....with first and last names. Also, any 3 people can have a meeting...anywhere....anytime. I am absolutely not advocating this behavior but if someone does not want to go....they just aint.