Previous sponsor - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-12-2015, 07:12 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Ga
Posts: 198

Previous sponsor


I know I'm getting ahead of myself here. But something that has been weighing on me. Back in 2009/2010- I went 15 months without drinking. Had a great sponsor that I considered a great friend. He said I helped him in his recovery too - we talked daily and it was a great relationship. Well, when I started drinking, I was too ashamed to face him and I just stopped calling. I think he had seen it before and he left me alone. I feel real bad about it because He truly believed in me and I let him down. When I get some sober time under my belt, I would like to reach out to him- not necessarily as a sponcor, but just to apologize for the way it ended and let him know I'm back on track. Anyone have any experience or advice around this.
KidsEverywhere is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2015, 07:18 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,428
Call him today. Read him this post.

Carrying shame works against us.

I think you'll find he will be very receptive and understanding and it'll be an active step you can take to help deepen your sobriety. Don't wait another day.
__________________
~ Life!! It's WAY too good to drink to! ~
FreeOwl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to FreeOwl For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (10-12-2015), Bird615 (10-12-2015), Carlotta (10-12-2015), Carmichael (10-12-2015), Cascabel (10-12-2015), ccam1973 (10-12-2015), tomsteve (10-12-2015), TroyW (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015), wehav2day (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 07:22 AM   #3 (permalink)
I could see peace instead of this
 
Bird615's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
Blog Entries: 11
I agree with FreeOwl and if I were the sponsor in that situation, I would be very happy to hear from you.
__________________
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today."
-Alcoholics Anonymous
Bird615 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Bird615 For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (10-12-2015), tomsteve (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 07:24 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
ccam1973's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
I agree with Freeowl. Call him. He just wants what is best for you and for you to succeed in this battle.

I bet he will be proud of you for getting back on track.
ccam1973 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to ccam1973 For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (10-12-2015), Carlotta (10-12-2015), tomsteve (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 07:25 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,428
I've been in this same situation... My sponsors reaction was a positive, encouraging 'so.... Back from the experiment? I'm glad you called!'

And when we'd gotten done catching up and discussing what id learned and my new plan, he thanked me for helping him stay sober by reminding him it's still the same 'out there'.

You see, reaching out to your sponsor isn't just about you... It's a gift to him, too.
__________________
~ Life!! It's WAY too good to drink to! ~
FreeOwl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to FreeOwl For This Useful Post:
Bird615 (10-12-2015), Carlotta (10-12-2015), tomsteve (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 07:31 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Ga
Posts: 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeOwl View Post
I've been in this same situation... My sponsors reaction was a positive, encouraging 'so.... Back from the experiment? I'm glad you called!'

And when we'd gotten done catching up and discussing what id learned and my new plan, he thanked me for helping him stay sober by reminding him it's still the same 'out there'.

You see, reaching out to your sponsor isn't just about you... It's a gift to him, too.
I remember he would comment about folks that "went out". He would say: "if you haven't had enough, go ahead and let it kick your ass some more and come on back when you've had enough".
KidsEverywhere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to KidsEverywhere For This Useful Post:
Bird615 (10-12-2015), Carlotta (10-12-2015), FreeOwl (10-12-2015), Jsbodhi (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015), wehav2day (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 07:34 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,428
exactly the same thing my sponsor said to me. Exactly.

he's a 35 year sober old-timer..... he knows what's up.

Sounds like your guy is in the same vein. Call him.

__________________
~ Life!! It's WAY too good to drink to! ~
FreeOwl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to FreeOwl For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (10-12-2015), Jsbodhi (10-12-2015), tomsteve (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 07:38 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Ga
Posts: 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeOwl View Post
exactly the same thing my sponsor said to me. Exactly.

he's a 35 year sober old-timer..... he knows what's up.

Sounds like your guy is in the same vein. Call him.

I think I should get some days under my belt before calling. I made it six days last week, drank Saturday during the game, the. had a great sober day yesterday. I dont want to bother him until I have done my part. I think I will reach out to him after I get a week under my belt.
Thoughts?
KidsEverywhere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to KidsEverywhere For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (10-12-2015), Jsbodhi (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 07:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Carmichael's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: Northern California
Posts: 36
Maybe calling him today will result in more weeks under your belt sooner.
Carmichael is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Carmichael For This Useful Post:
Bird615 (10-12-2015), Carlotta (10-12-2015), FreeOwl (10-12-2015), tomsteve (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 07:57 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,428
Quote:
Originally Posted by KidsEverywhere View Post
I think I should get some days under my belt before calling. I made it six days last week, drank Saturday during the game, the. had a great sober day yesterday. I dont want to bother him until I have done my part. I think I will reach out to him after I get a week under my belt.
Thoughts?
My thought is that is a red herring.

Your sponsor won't care how many days are under your belt. He'll care about your choice and commitment TODAY.

I just discussed this post with my sponsor. He agrees. It's just like the one he and I had almost two years ago.... the one that got me back on track and pointed in the direction of nearly two year sober.

I think your real motivation for waiting is probably a lot like mine was; shame. A desire to have some 'proof' in hand that you're serious this time. A desire to sort of offset the feelings of embarassment by returning to your sponsor with a sort of victory in hand....

Listen, I get that. But it really matters far less than you believe. If you are committed TODAY to embracing sobriety, then your sponsor (if he's worth his salt) will tell you that acting on that commitment and reaching out for help to get 100% back on track was the right thing to do. He will be there to listen, he may push some buttons depending on his style - but he'll be doing so out of genuine concern and a desire to help.

12th step work is about helping those who still suffer... and it doesn't come along with a condition that you have any number of days 'under your belt'.

Don't carry that burden another day. Call him.
__________________
~ Life!! It's WAY too good to drink to! ~
FreeOwl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to FreeOwl For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (10-12-2015), Jsbodhi (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 08:02 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,428
also - if I were you I'd get to a meeting and then look up the schedule for the next few weeks and mark the ones I'd be going to.

tonight at bedtime, I'd read that Big Book.
__________________
~ Life!! It's WAY too good to drink to! ~
FreeOwl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to FreeOwl For This Useful Post:
Bird615 (10-12-2015), Carlotta (10-12-2015), Jsbodhi (10-12-2015), tomsteve (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 08:06 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
FreeOwl's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 7,428
My sponsor says to tell you this:


"Tell him about the Romanian Car... Guy goes in to get a Romanian "Datcha". Dealer asks him what model...he say convertible...dealer says all they make is a 4 door sedan...asks him what color...guys says blue...dealer says only make in rust colog....Dealer tells him how much, guy pays...dealer says to come back on a date 5 years from the day they were talking at 1400 and the guy says he can't make it....dealer says, why? Guy says that the date and time the plumber is coming!!! "

lol

Love that guy....

(call your sponsor)

__________________
~ Life!! It's WAY too good to drink to! ~
FreeOwl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to FreeOwl For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (10-12-2015), tomsteve (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 08:37 AM   #13 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Quote:
Originally Posted by KidsEverywhere View Post
I know I'm getting ahead of myself here. But something that has been weighing on me. Back in 2009/2010- I went 15 months without drinking. Had a great sponsor that I considered a great friend. He said I helped him in his recovery too - we talked daily and it was a great relationship. Well, when I started drinking, I was too ashamed to face him and I just stopped calling. I think he had seen it before and he left me alone. I feel real bad about it because He truly believed in me and I let him down. When I get some sober time under my belt, I would like to reach out to him- not necessarily as a sponcor, but just to apologize for the way it ended and let him know I'm back on track. Anyone have any experience or advice around this.
He is a sponsor, not a God. He cannot keep you sober and I can say with some degree of certainty that he did not take it personally when you relapsed. I would venture to say there are absolutely no hard feelings there whatsoever. There is no reason for you to be ashamed.

Alcoholics drink. That's what we do. You had no choice in the matter and perhaps did the best you could do at that time under the circumstances. It is your alcoholism and not you that made you relapse if you are an alcoholic.

If that sponsor worked well for you in the past, it might be worth considering working with that person in the future. Say a prayer about it, have faith and God will lead you in the right direction.

Do not feel ashamed or guilty. That is our bs alcoholic mind screwing with us. If you are truly an alcoholic, don't believe any of the bs your mind is telling you right now.
Roxyblues is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2015, 08:40 AM   #14 (permalink)
Bad days, rough years and I still haven't grown a beard
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 66,802
Blog Entries: 4
Make the call kids
Soberwolf is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Soberwolf For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (10-12-2015), FreeOwl (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 08:44 AM   #15 (permalink)
Forum Leader
 
ScottFromWI's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,173
Agreed...if you are going to call do it today. Waiting serves no purpose.
ScottFromWI is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to ScottFromWI For This Useful Post:
tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 09:13 AM   #16 (permalink)
Member
 
tomsteve's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeOwl View Post
Call him today. Read him this post.

Carrying shame works against us.

I think you'll find he will be very receptive and understanding and it'll be an active step you can take to help deepen your sobriety. Don't wait another day.
ive had a few phone calls from family members of someone i was working with to inform me their loved one died from alcohol and/or drugs.
i dont like those calls.

i have had calls from people i had been working with who seemed to disappear.
every time was a blessing.
__________________
all big book quotes from 1st edition
tomsteve is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to tomsteve For This Useful Post:
Bird615 (10-12-2015), Carlotta (10-12-2015), FreeOwl (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 09:59 AM   #17 (permalink)
Member
 
wehav2day's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,577
Yep, if you want help, call today. Putting it off until you "have some time" is really just a way to leave the door open to drink. If you want to drink, drink. But if you want to stop, call the guy.
__________________
2/22/13
wehav2day is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wehav2day For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (10-12-2015), tursiops999 (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 10:37 AM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Ga
Posts: 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by wehav2day View Post
Yep, if you want help, call today. Putting it off until you "have some time" is really just a way to leave the door open to drink. If you want to drink, drink. But if you want to stop, call the guy.
You are exactly right. My mind tells me I would be insulting him if I call him on day 2 and that is exactly when I should call him and he will be glad to hear from me. The phone number I have in my iPhone contacts is no longer him. But I have emails and a home phone number somewhere at the house. This was from 2009/2010. If nothing else, I know where he lived at the time. He was an older / stable guy who very likely still lives there and has same home phone. I'll track him down one way or another.
KidsEverywhere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to KidsEverywhere For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (10-12-2015)
Old 10-12-2015, 11:42 AM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
PurpleDan's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Colchester, England
Posts: 104
Did this sponsor take you through the steps at all?
__________________
Date of Sobriety: September 4th, 1997.
PurpleDan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-12-2015, 11:50 AM   #20 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: North Ga
Posts: 198
Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleDan View Post
Did this sponsor take you through the steps at all?
Yes. I went through a 30 outpatient treatment and stayed sober for 15 months. This was 5/6 years ago and I've not been involved in recovery since until getting back on this board last week.
I understand the steps including making amends, etc. the whole notion of calling someone who was good to me and that I feel like I let down and am ashamed of was something that I was trying to get my mind around the right way to approach.
KidsEverywhere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to KidsEverywhere For This Useful Post:
Carlotta (10-12-2015)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:39 AM.