Previous sponsor
 

I know I'm getting ahead of myself here. But something that has been weighing on me. Back in 2009/2010- I went 15 months without drinking. Had a great sponsor that I considered a great friend. He said I helped him in his recovery too - we talked daily and it was a great relationship. Well, when I started drinking, I was too ashamed to face him and I just stopped calling. I think he had seen it before and he left me alone. I feel real bad about it because He truly believed in me and I let him down. When I get some sober time under my belt, I would like to reach out to him- not necessarily as a sponcor, but just to apologize for the way it ended and let him know I'm back on track. Anyone have any experience or advice around this.

Call him today. Read him this post.

Carrying shame works against us.

I think you'll find he will be very receptive and understanding and it'll be an active step you can take to help deepen your sobriety. Don't wait another day.

I agree with FreeOwl and if I were the sponsor in that situation, I would be very happy to hear from you.

I agree with Freeowl. Call him. He just wants what is best for you and for you to succeed in this battle.

I bet he will be proud of you for getting back on track.

I've been in this same situation... My sponsors reaction was a positive, encouraging 'so.... Back from the experiment? I'm glad you called!'

And when we'd gotten done catching up and discussing what id learned and my new plan, he thanked me for helping him stay sober by reminding him it's still the same 'out there'.

You see, reaching out to your sponsor isn't just about you... It's a gift to him, too.

I remember he would comment about folks that "went out". He would say: "if you haven't had enough, go ahead and let it kick your ass some more and come on back when you've had enough".

exactly the same thing my sponsor said to me. Exactly.

he's a 35 year sober old-timer..... he knows what's up.

Sounds like your guy is in the same vein. Call him.

:grouphug:

I think I should get some days under my belt before calling. I made it six days last week, drank Saturday during the game, the. had a great sober day yesterday. I dont want to bother him until I have done my part. I think I will reach out to him after I get a week under my belt.
Thoughts?

Maybe calling him today will result in more weeks under your belt sooner.

My thought is that is a red herring.

Your sponsor won't care how many days are under your belt. He'll care about your choice and commitment TODAY.

I just discussed this post with my sponsor. He agrees. It's just like the one he and I had almost two years ago.... the one that got me back on track and pointed in the direction of nearly two year sober.

I think your real motivation for waiting is probably a lot like mine was; shame. A desire to have some 'proof' in hand that you're serious this time. A desire to sort of offset the feelings of embarassment by returning to your sponsor with a sort of victory in hand....

Listen, I get that. But it really matters far less than you believe. If you are committed TODAY to embracing sobriety, then your sponsor (if he's worth his salt) will tell you that acting on that commitment and reaching out for help to get 100% back on track was the right thing to do. He will be there to listen, he may push some buttons depending on his style - but he'll be doing so out of genuine concern and a desire to help.

12th step work is about helping those who still suffer... and it doesn't come along with a condition that you have any number of days 'under your belt'.

Don't carry that burden another day. Call him.

also - if I were you I'd get to a meeting and then look up the schedule for the next few weeks and mark the ones I'd be going to.

tonight at bedtime, I'd read that Big Book.

My sponsor says to tell you this:


"Tell him about the Romanian Car... Guy goes in to get a Romanian "Datcha". Dealer asks him what model...he say convertible...dealer says all they make is a 4 door sedan...asks him what color...guys says blue...dealer says only make in rust colog....Dealer tells him how much, guy pays...dealer says to come back on a date 5 years from the day they were talking at 1400 and the guy says he can't make it....dealer says, why? Guy says that the date and time the plumber is coming!!! "

lol

Love that guy....

(call your sponsor)

:grouphug:

He is a sponsor, not a God. He cannot keep you sober and I can say with some degree of certainty that he did not take it personally when you relapsed. I would venture to say there are absolutely no hard feelings there whatsoever. There is no reason for you to be ashamed.

Alcoholics drink. That's what we do. You had no choice in the matter and perhaps did the best you could do at that time under the circumstances. It is your alcoholism and not you that made you relapse if you are an alcoholic.

If that sponsor worked well for you in the past, it might be worth considering working with that person in the future. Say a prayer about it, have faith and God will lead you in the right direction.

Do not feel ashamed or guilty. That is our bs alcoholic mind screwing with us. If you are truly an alcoholic, don't believe any of the bs your mind is telling you right now.

Make the call kids

Agreed...if you are going to call do it today. Waiting serves no purpose.

ive had a few phone calls from family members of someone i was working with to inform me their loved one died from alcohol and/or drugs.
i dont like those calls.

i have had calls from people i had been working with who seemed to disappear.
every time was a blessing.

Yep, if you want help, call today. Putting it off until you "have some time" is really just a way to leave the door open to drink. If you want to drink, drink. But if you want to stop, call the guy.

You are exactly right. My mind tells me I would be insulting him if I call him on day 2 and that is exactly when I should call him and he will be glad to hear from me. The phone number I have in my iPhone contacts is no longer him. But I have emails and a home phone number somewhere at the house. This was from 2009/2010. If nothing else, I know where he lived at the time. He was an older / stable guy who very likely still lives there and has same home phone. I'll track him down one way or another.

Did this sponsor take you through the steps at all?

Yes. I went through a 30 outpatient treatment and stayed sober for 15 months. This was 5/6 years ago and I've not been involved in recovery since until getting back on this board last week.
I understand the steps including making amends, etc. the whole notion of calling someone who was good to me and that I feel like I let down and am ashamed of was something that I was trying to get my mind around the right way to approach.