zombob

Awoke at 1:30am with bad dehydration, shakes. Drank some water and it came back up. Barely made it to the bathroom and almost soiled myself. I'm finally sick enough to quit again. Took about a month and a half of non-stop round-the-clock drinking this time (too long) but I must say I'm grateful. The daily shame of knowing I was a drunken bum was not enough. No real plan for today other than I won't be getting whiskey. There's one 32 oz miller in the fridge that I will be starting on shortly. After the wife leaves for work I will have no car or money to get more until 5pm or so. Will probably have 1 more this evening so I don't have seizure. This is how I do it folks and I'm all too aware of the dangers so please, no speeches. The progressiveness has surprised even me this time as I've done hundreds of hrs of research on alcoholism and can't believe how it just took ...everything from me this time. I suppose I'm glad to be alive but geesh, today is going to be long. This is probably not the place to put this post as it's not so inspiring but I had to get honest with myself. If yuns feel the need to delete it I understand.

Dee74

No 'speeches' but I'll speak my mind

if you value your health, consider seeing a Dr, Zombob.
I wish I had.

D

TroyW

Sorry to hear you're going through self detox. It's sure is a female dog, isn't it?

Keep your body cold, and try to get as much sleep as you can. Hope you feel better soon, and continue to check in here.

zombob

Thanks guys. I've been a lurker of this site for quite some time and know both of you to be supportive and helpful. Not planning on logging out for at least a week. I certainly need all the help, guidance I can get.

Dropsie

I respect your right to chose, but why no doctor?

zombob

Not discounting an eventual trip to the doc or even if my BP spikes (I have a monitor). I have a lot of unpaid bills right now from health problems. If it gets too dicey I'll go. Thanks.

TroyW

Not trying to pry or lecture, so don't answer unless you want to. May I ask, why did you choose this method to quit? Drink until your body can't handle it any more?

You sound like an intelligent guy, so you knew what was eventually coming. Why not stop drinking sooner, instead of continue going until you physically couldn't any more? To teach yourself a lesson, or? In the back of your mind, did you want horrible withdrawals to ensure you remember how bad it gets, with hopes it'd help you stay sober in the future, or?

Part of me is asking because I've basically unconsciously done the same thing several times too. Just keep going for some reason, until you can't any more. Maybe it's just the alcoholic mind being an alcoholic mind?

zombob

Troy, I'm not so sure it's a mind thing at this stage. I'm 54 and have drank on and off since I was 13. It just progressed to this stage and yes, part of me wants to really remember it this time. It's not even been too conscious for the past month. I get up, go get booze and the rest of the day just happens. I function somewhat but obviously not at my best. The pain is a motivator for me. Will probably have to look into that more and possibly get help but for now... I'm kinda grateful for it. 2 days ago I just didn't care--now I do.

zombob

It's nearly 6:30 here and I have not jumped in the car to go get my daily supply (or whiskey to go in the coffee) so things are good. Perusing this site is a big help. Tis how I came up with the screen-name as the person I'd become is zombie-like dead but still moving somehow. Will probably have to change it to something more positive in the coming days.

TroyW

Yeah, understandable. Us alcoholics tend to be fairly self destructive, myself included.

I still think spirituality is key to beating this thing. It's one of the few things I agree with in the AA Big Book (albeit the most important), although I don't like the Christianity slant. I think the universe is far more complex than anything written in any holy book by man thousands of years ago.

Nonetheless, I believe spirituality is key. It's probably one of the most important aspects of life, and we've totally neglected it in our modern age.

How are the withdrawals going? You ok?

Bird615

Welcome to SR, zombob!

zombob

Things are ok. I've nursed about 6oz of that gawdawfull miller and will be laying back down when the wife and kiddo's leave. Not so hopeful of sleep but just rest. Also took a baby aspirin and a B1. Oatmeal when I get up again and staying close to here. Thanks for asking. May call my sponsor of 6 yrs later. He will tell me to get to a meeting but It would be excruciating to sit for an hour. I much prefer this site. I joined here after lurking drunk for so long hoping some interaction would spur something. I'm sure it has but more importantly the interaction and warm feedback are giving me some want-to---haven't had that in awhile.

TroyW

Yeah, again, understandable. When I had to detox off whiskey, I wasn't even willing to walk 300m to the store to buy water or cigs. Had to ensure I was stocked before the detox for at least 72 hours.

Asking me to get showered, dressed, then sit still in a AA meeting for an hour? Ummm.... not likely. If I tried that, most likely 911 would get called, and I'd get hauled off strapped down to a stretcher due to shaking so badly and acting so insane.

Detox is not a fun thing. Sounds like you're ok though. How's your energy level? How bad are the shakes (if any)? Stick close with us, and keep posting.

Roxyblues

You drink like I do when I relapse. Consider professional help. Checking in on a forum is fine, but ain't going to cut for an acute alcoholic in late stages of alcoholism.

If you are serious about saving your life, consider a professional and safe detox and possibly rehab. At the very least, you need a safe detox and one or two AA meetings a day for 90 days and a sponsor who has been through this stuff to guide you through it.

Rehab is the better, safer and much easier route, but there may be hope if you are truly ready to quit by doing a butt load of meetings and guidance from real recovered alcoholics who have been down this road before.

zombob

Thanks for the heartfelt responses. No real shakes yet but sweaty--I still have half that beer for later and I'm going to lay down for a bit. Been up for awhile.

blueberry2015

Tapering is an option, so no lectures or speeches from me here! I agree tho perhaps its worth getting support from your doctor. X x x Good luck x x x

PurpleKnight

Do what exactly?

Tapering is one thing leading to Sobriety, but it sounds like this is an ongoing vicious circle, but at some point we have to get off the alcohol merry-go-round.

You can do this but finally draw a line under alcohol, as it's doing you no favours!!

JD4010

I got really sick the last time I drank (Thursday of last week). I haven't been that sick in a very long time.

That did it for me. The Big Plan is solidly in place. I ain't going back to the poison.

zombob

things getting a bit rough here at 1 pm. Bp was a bit high an hr ago and I'm tired but can't sleep. I see myself going to the store at 3 . that baclofen thread has me wanting to head to the dr.Thanks JD. I'm an AVRT fan also.

Soberwolf

Zom going to the Dr & saying what's up will help you massively I can't make you believe that but that was in my plan I was in no state to take the world on, on my own I needed help we all do at some stage in our lives

I don't believe alcoholics can taper if we could would we ever have a drink problem ?

Zom your doing really well the sweats are part of sobering up it takes a while hang in there & know were here 24-7