asdf72

Hi all, today i'm feeling bad. I have that second day hangover that leaves me with no energy. I found out how i got home on saturday night and i feel incredibly embarassed and ashamed. I should be grateful i got home safe but the worst is that my children know and i feel sick that i have caused them worry. I know i should probably keep hold of these feelings to remind me why i never want to drink again, and that i really can't stop at one or 3 or however many. But its not a good feeling. I just want to sleep forever. I have spent many ours on this site reading posts since yesterday and i am understanding more about my addiction, and triggers and recovery. Still the guilt of letting it get this bad is terrible. I guess while i could keep it a secret i was avoiding the rock bottom. On the positive side now that its out i am forced to confront that i have a problem. Hope you are all having better days and hoping for one soon myself.

Jsbodhi

I've have felt like this a million times, the hangovers lasting 2-4 days, the self loathing, feeling so embarrassed
The only cure is to stop drinking.
This site is amazing, I've learned so very much about alcoholism.
Knowledge is power, you can do this xo

Soberwolf

Hi Asd have you got a plan

asdf72

Hi Soberwolf, I dont really have a plan as there are no meetings where i live. My life is a bit in limbo as i am overseas for 7 more months and then relocating back to the US. I know my trigger is loneliness and stress over the future. I'm not an everyday drinker so i dont know if i will have a problem with quitting on the day to day level but i know my drinking has gotten out of control so i need to stop. I think i have a tendency toward depression and drinking was a way for me to try to cheer myself up and to think i was relieving stress when actually for many years its only created more stress and anxiety. I definitely used to plan when would be the next chance to drink. Now that i dont have that i hope i will find better ways to cope. I am usually good with keeping a fitness program to keep busy but i dont feel like it at all right now.

blueberry2015

Been there myself, its a horrible horrible feeling, but it will pass x sometimes we need these moments to wake us up, and there has been many in my time before I was fully awake and just knew enough was enough, no more. Getting sober I can honestly say is the best thing I have ever done, once I came to accept my alcoholism and understood it, Ive forgiven and now have peace with myself. If you have decided that enough is enough then you've come to the right place.... x x x

TroyW

View this as a good thing. From what you posted, there's only one direction to go, and that's up.

Just think of how amazing it will be shortly to be a loving, attentive parent to your children. Being there around the dinner table, completely sober and coherent, asking how their day went. Helping them with homework, or saying good night to them to let them know they're loved, etc.

Sobriety is worth it. Give it a solid try.

FreeOwl

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...unk-again.html

ccam1973

Asd, the good thing is you never have to feel this way again. You have the power to quit. It does take a lot of effort and dedication, but I promise it is worth every ounce of energy you will put in.

Absolutely nothing good will come from drinking if you have a problem. It took me 21 years to finally stop, but that was the best decision I could have made... for me and my family.

You can do this. Lean on us when you feel weak or lonely.

zombob

Thanks asdf. Posting here helps me to be honest and accountable and hearing from others who have their feet firmly on the other side gives me strength and resolve that I can do the same.

Anna

I think you've found that this disease of alcoholism gets worse until we stop drinking. And, it will take more and more from you. I'm glad you're ready to stop drinking. It's a really good idea to make a plan for stopping and recovering.

PurpleKnight

You can do this Asdf!! You don't ever have to feel like this ever again if you don't want to!!

JD4010

Last Thursday, I threw a major bender and woke up on the floor of my apartment at 3:30 a.m. with the TV still on. Then I got sick. Really sick.

The next day was awful. I *had* to be at work and I barely made it. I've had bad hangovers before but this one was particularly brutal.

I decided that was it for me. No more. Never again. My inner beast can rage all it want. I'm not caving in.

Soberpotamus

You can use this guilt and shame as a catalyst and motivation to quit drinking once and for all.

Those of us who've managed to stay sober can tell you that the guilt and shame lessen in time, so that is something you have to look forward to. In time, you will be able to forgive yourself, and move on.

Use this as the perfect opportunity to embrace sobriety.

Dee74

There's a lot of good ideas in this link on support, dealing with cravings and making a recovery plan asdf

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D

Hevyn

Welcome asdf. This never has to happen to you again. The misery and self-loathing can be a thing of the past. You sound ready to reclaim your life. You'll be free - and you can do it.

asdf72

Thank you all. Today i am feeling somewhat better but now paranoia has set in. I live in a place where foreigners are stared at anyway but my blackout on saturday has me feeling that everyone knows and/or has seen me doing something stupid or embarassing. It makes me not want to leave my house ever which is problematic i think because being reclusive increases my depression. The kids have also noticed i am depressed the last few days and they want me to snap out of it but its just hard to do, other than try to put on a smile for them.

Frank14

You can't stop at 1 or 3...well, it sounds like you're one of us! We've all been there, so it's best to look forward. I always like to put things into perspective. Did I kill anyone? No. Did I lose a million dollars? No. Will my friends/family accept my apology for being a complete a##? Yes. Can I stop drinking? Yes!

Also, my mom used to say if you're trying to escape depression by drinking you just end up with a depressed drunk...

Soberwolf

Hang in there Asd the fear will pass I was the same here's some great links on building a plan

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

blueberry2015

Whats done is done hun, no matter how much you want to change what happened, you cant. Go easy on yourself x We all have made complete idiots of ourselves or said and done some nasty things, we wouldnt be the first and we wouldnt be the last. What you DO have control over however is the present and the future, you can make changes so not to have a repeat performance. Apologise to whomever if you feel the need to, but most importantly forgive yourself okay? Put it down to a lesson, you have already evaluated how your drinking has made you feel and made that huge step in recognising ... there maybe a problem here, that in itself is HUGE! So... lets get all that dealt with take a deep breath and start looking at ways so you can avoid a repeat performance!