KidsEverywhere

I went 6 days without drinking and it was really a good experience. Didn't have the horrible withdrawals I've heard about. Just some night sweats and that need to fill time with something. But yesterday was a big football game (we lost) and I deliberately stopped by on the way home from the grocery store and got a six pack and three little pocket rocket whisky pops (3 ounce). I drank four of the beers and the three whiskey pops
from about 2-8pm. I'll start back over today with a new commitment. I think my biggest problem is I guess I felt like I deserved to drink after being good all week and I don't just get hammered- I ate dinner went to bed and left two beers in the fridge. I know I'm an alcoholic because I would drink every day for no reason, hide it from
My wife, etc. like i mentioned last week, it is like I'm not a big enough mess to commit to not ever drinking as I should.

Juno11

I drank last night too I had a week sober as well. Let's start again today!!

huntingtontx

Why wait till your a bigger mess. The fact that you could not make a week without a drink should tell you something. I was not as bad as some, but not as good as others. That moment we know we have a problem, that is when it is time to lay it down. Alcohol is not our friend. Normal drinkers don't have night sweats and long days and drink before the week is over. They don't care if they drink or not. This should be an eye opener for you. I hope you try again. Why wait till it is worse. By the way. I did not have hardly any withdrawals . Never drove drunk, never missed work because of drinking and did not ruin my marriage. Does that mean I should keep drinking. NO! My life is so much better now, and yours can be too. Good luck.

KidsEverywhere

Sounds like a plan Juno! I need someone specific for encouragement and accountability. Great idea. Thank you. Most importantly- let's commit to being honest about our thoughts and how we are doing.

KidsEverywhere

You are absolutely right. I agree 100%. I think I am just thinking too much about it and point to how things are not a disaster as a screwed up reason to rationalize my behavior.

D122y

Hi and welcome...

You are smart for doing some research. You are lucky you have the internet to help you. Do some more research.

That rationalization about deserving to drink is a good one. I used that a lot for years. It really is craving because you are addicted.

What do I have to lose by telling you this? I am not trying to hurt you.

Alcohol is poisen. It gets progressively worse. Quit now forever.

Never ever take another drink.

You will live to never regret it.

FreeOwl

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...unk-again.html

zombob

I drank too and am waiting for 9am to get here so I can get more. I would love to get my give-a-darn back as I've had 8 yrs. sober before. Seems the older I get, the less I really care. I Do feel better when sober all the way around but the last 2 times I've jumped off the wagon have been very hard to get back on. I wish everyone the best at finding their G>A>D---maybe this will help me.

KidsEverywhere

I've decided to schedule a busy day. Maybe you could try something like that to redirect your focus. I know how you feel, yesterday, it was as if I had made up my mind I was going to drink and nothing was going to stop me. I'm trying today to commit that today I am NOT going to drink and nothing is going to stop me. We are going to church (I understand that isn't for everyone). Then out to lunch-gonna listen to the game while we go look at new cars (not going to buy one, just someonthing fun that takes my mind away from drinking). Good
Luck to you. And I hope we can get back on track.

Nonsensical

This only makes sense to people obsessed with alcohol. For example, if I said I cleaned all week and I celebrated by throwing some dirt around you'd think I was wacky.

The question I wish I had asked myself 25 years ago is "why is drinking so important to me that I tell myself that anytime it doesn't end in disaster it's a success?"

I don't like the answer, but I like the results of understanding it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

KidsEverywhere

Ha ha. That is so true. When you've worked hard all week to get your house clean, your reward should be to enjoy a clean house- not mess it up again. Great perspective! Thank you.

lilac0721

I've been just where you are so many times before. Keep trying, keep reminding yourself why you are doing this, and don't ever give up.

Mountainmanbob

I can deceive myself into thinking that I deserve something.
Sometimes the desires of the flesh are not good for the soul.
MM

IWLSAST

My best to both you, KE and Juno as you begin a new sober journey together today.

ZB, your message spoke volumes to me. My first attempt to quit drinking lasted 11.5 years. I relapsed after taking pain pills following major surgery.

They lowered my resistance and 4 months after took that one little glass of red wine at a dinner party. Within 6 months I was drinking like I had never stopped. This disease is progressive, for sure. I picked up not where I left off...but where I would have been.

Over the following eight years, I relapsed countless times (at least 50). In fact, I went over a year two more times without drinking...only to relapse again and again.

I left a marriage of 25 years to drink in peace. Had less involvement with my young adult girls, lost a career, got 3 dui's in 6 years, etc.

By June of 2013, all I wanted was to die. Just laying in bed in a fetal position just hoping that the pain would go away and I wouldn't need to face my family at my oldest daughter's wedding that September.

Somehow - someway I had a moment of clarity and decided to try AA again. On 6/3/13 I went to my first mtg. I put all the reasons why AA wasn't right for me aside and decided to just look at how I aligned.

It worked. I went to a meeting ever day for the first 10 months but 17. I probs would have kept going at that pace had the state of PA not taken my driving privileges away - AGAIN!

Anyway, that was a little over 28 months and now 500 plus mtgs ago and I found peace and serenity. I for the most part live joyous, happy and free from the obsession to drink.

Yes, stopping again after prolonged not drinking time was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. I kept fooling myself after all those repeated relapses that when I really got serious again it would be a piece of cake. I got this - I did this...bunk! I needed serious help in the end.

I found the strength and courage to tackle not only my drinking, but my flawed thinking through the help and support of AA.

I am by no means saying AA is necessary for you. All I can offer is my experience, strength and hope. It was the WE of the program at first that made the biggest difference.

KB, my best to you and anyone else that is struggling that reads this. Joy, well beyond just not drinking can be yours. It takes a willingness to go to any measure. I hope you find a program and/or solution that works and offers freedom.

Carlos

KidsEverywhere

Thank you for sharing and your words of encouragement. Your testimony is powerful.

InTheEnd

I didn't have withdrawals either. I had some trouble sleeping, but that was about it. I wouldn't wait to be a bigger mess to cut the ties w/alcohol. I honestly think any of us who found this forum have a bigger problem that we're willing to admit. I certainly wouldn't have been obsessively googling for help with drinking if I didn't think my life was a mess. Had I waited, my bigger mess might have been too big to clean up. (waited 2 times before....quit for about 2 weeks both times, then "deserved" that drink)

I no longer look at being "good" at not drinking, as a reason to drink. When I drank, I was miserable. Sober, I am content. Why would I reward myself for not drinking, with a drink?

GnikNus

Early days are hard. Set small sobriety goals- two weeks, one month, three months, etc. In the meantime, stay on SR as much as possible and use the resources available.
You eventually get to the point where it's far easier than it is in the early days.

zombob

WTG Kids! Fill your day, body, mind, soul with something/anything other than booze. I can get there in about a week if I try and you (and everyone else who posted) just gave me some hope. Thanks!

PurpleKnight

Go at things again and tweak your plan moving forward!! You can do this!!

2muchpain

I can really relate to your post. There are times where I start thinking that, at my age, what difference does it make to drink? And after all, the only one I'm responsible for is me, so nobody else would be affected anyway. But then I think about all the things I still want to do with less time to do them, partially because I drank so much. If I went back to my old drinking habits, I am pretty much giving up on accompolishing those things. Hate to deal with those regrets. John