InTheEnd

Today, I felt a tad disappointed that I don't drink anymore. A friend text'd me about 5p. She was at a wedding in my neck of the woods. She said a few of them were going to have drinks after the wedding and would love for me to join them.

I was at the gym. My first thought, "Well, I could go and just not drink". Then I realized, they were coming from a wedding. Probably already buzzed and just going to drink more. I already know I don't like drunk people unless I'm drunk too, so it was a no. I text'd her back and said how fun that sounds but couldn't make it.

Then, I got a little mad (or should I say, the AV chimed in like a bat out of hell and it was pissed)! I thought "Damnit, if you hadn't quit drinking, you'd be there having fun....just like you used to. Now you can't even meet friends. The old you would've been right there and having a good time. The old you would've finished your workout and had a drink with them".

I kept working out, a little deflated now....but was thinking "Was you're drinking really that bad"? FU AV!

Well, YES IT WAS! Somehow, I took my mind back and realized ALL the above was a lie.

IF I had still been drinking, I STILL wouldn't have met them. Who was I kidding! It was 5pm. I would've already been sitting on the couch, had atleast 2 glasses of wine by then, not showered, and would not have felt worthy enough to spend time with them.

And the thought about "the old me would've finished my workout and met them"? Ummmm, maybe about 10-20 years ago, but the "drinking" me of the last 10 years.....wouldn't even had been at the gym!

Amazing how your mind tricks you. Sometimes the past, doesn't seem that far back....20 years ago seems like yesterday. I don't know if that's because of the years I wasted drinking, or if its just an age thing.

I can say that getting sober, I'm remembering alot more of my past. Not just the bad, the good too. I wish I would've appreciated the good a bit more

Glad y'all are here. Glad I'm not drinking. Glad to be alive.

Keep on keepin on peeps!

Dee74

Great thinking through InTheEnd
D

Hevyn

Congratulations, InTheEnd - nice work. Rising above those temptations makes us strong, & even more determined. We're proud of you.

happyandfree

It is truly amazing how we turn things around.....that's why it's so important to think it through. It is the AV tempting us time and again and telling us lies. You did a good job tonight, intheend.., that's the way to stay sober.

BixBees505

Nice post, InTheEnd. Appreciate you sharing the evolution of thought.

Soberpotamus

Great thought process, well done

I can relate to the above. My past is often coming to mind these days, both good and bad, as you've said here. I think that age and experiences definitely factors into how we're now able to appreciate both the good and the bad, and I personally feel that regret can be a healthy thing. If we didn't regret missing some great opportunities, what would that mean? I think it's perfectly normal to have these kinds of thoughts, as long as we can keep moving forward with our lives.

Bellamiaa

I love this! Thanks for sharing and good job!

DaisyBee

Excellent post and great job fighting of the AV monster!

Berrybean

Great post

teatreeoil007

Thanks for sharing your thought process...you have a beautiful mind!

InTheEnd

Thanks y'all. It's day 63 and I have to admit....sometimes being sober isn't constantly on my mind. Not that drinking is, just that being sober seems to be the norm now.

I think this is a good thing, and kind of a silent alarm too. When not drinking was the goal, it consumed my thoughts daily. Now I'm just going about my life, without staring at the liquor stores as I drive by, not wondering if "they're" having fun as a see the places I used to go on occasion and the best part? Not noticing its "time for a drink" in the late afternoon/early evening. When its time for bed, I'm no longer "proud" of myself for not drinking. Not that it's a bad thing, I'm not sad at all about not drinking. Its just not on my mind anymore I'm actually happy it's not consuming every thought, but.....................

I feel the AV found a crack in my armor. I have no desire to drink, but I do feel that if I don't keep it in the forefront, the AV will keep subconsciously chipping away at this crack. I think I finally get why people think they have this problem "licked" and can drink again.

I think I do understand now about working recovery and about not letting your guard down. Realizing that I don't think about drinking as much now, has made me change my strategy and find other ways to work towards the future sober.

As much as I'd love to just go along, not worrying about it at all, makes me understand that this is just an illusion....a trick if you will. Leaving an opening for the AV to step in and get its way.

Sorry AV, I'm on to you. I will adjust, beat you at your game and move forward.

FreeOwl

I totally understand. I have moments like this, too. Even at nearly two years sober, there are times when I wrestle with the old addicted part of my brain that desperately wants to come raging back.

Well done getting through it! Each little victory like that gives us a boost in confidence, knocks the AV back down another rung, and reinforces the new sober life.

Good job!

PurpleKnight

Great job on pushing through InTheEnd!!

Soberwolf

Good job InTheEnd