Hey guys - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-10-2015, 11:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 699

Hey guys


Just checking in, I hope everyone is ok

I am in a predicament at home, had a huge bust up with my girlfriend today and her mum got involved. It ended up in them screaming at me. It started over something small but that was all it really needed which suggests to me that it's been brewing for a while. I'm pretty unhappy at home with my girlfriend. I have expressed this but neither of us want to leave the house. I am welcome at my mum and dads but I'm 31, a homeowner and value independence. There are many many issues between me and her, I used to think if I stopped drinking, things would get better. They've been worse than ever.

She does herbalife (not sure if anyone has heard of it) and wants to "build a business" from it. I keep saying that it will be very hard to do this and you really need proper marketing skills. She's totally shutting my advice out and determined to look at quitting her current job to sell herbalife products. She says I'm bringing her down and should support her. I feel that trying to discourage her from this pyramid scheme IS supporting her though.

There were a lot of nasty things said, she is very provocative in her actions and language and unfortunately I stupidly take the bait and look like the bad guy.

Alarm bells are ringing in my head though and I really feel I need to get out of the relationship and be on my own for a good while. I feel like I have some self development to do, a lot of relationships I've had have turned sour, perhaps I'm the common denominator. It is difficult with my daughter coming from a previous relationship and I put a lot of energy into her almost over the top because I'm trying to compensate for no longer being at her home. At the moment I have to put my daughter absolutely without question top priority and if that means being on my own so I can focus better, I'll have to do that.

My girlfriend wants to get married, have children etc. That is far far away from where my thinking is at the moment because of what is going on between us. I have explained this to her.

Anyone weighing in with advice is appreciated, I do have a lot to be grateful to my girlfriend for- the times when I used to drink night after night for years she did not bail on me then. But I hate what we've become.

Also tonight it is a friends birthday, it is a night on the town type situation. I'm going and it's most likely people will be drinking. I just want to document it. I'm going in confident but very VERY wary of the situation and that I will need to pre plan an exit strategy if required. I'm nearly a year now, I've dragged myself kicking and screaming through and if there is one thing I'll take from 2015 it's sobriety. Sober muscles workout time.
Stewy84 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Stewy84 For This Useful Post:
aasharon90 (10-11-2015), Dharma33 (10-10-2015), Hevyn (10-10-2015), letitgo (10-10-2015), Shining~Again (10-11-2015)
Old 10-10-2015, 11:36 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
leviathan's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
It's hard to offer advice, when you seem like you're pretty much on the ball. -thinking before acting. Planning. Although I'm sorry about your rough spot, it appears you have your head on straight.

Hang in there. Reach out if it gets slippery.
leviathan is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to leviathan For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (10-11-2015), Shining~Again (10-11-2015), Stewy84 (10-11-2015)
Old 10-10-2015, 11:49 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,183
Hi, Stewy. I agree with Leviathan--you sound like you are on the ball and that sobriety has brought along some clarity about the relationship.

Just to share my experience, I had a similar situation with a partner many years ago (he wanted to go to graduate school, and wanted me to support him, financially and otherwise). The problem was that at this point our relationship was pretty frayed, and I knew in my inner heart that the relationship wasn't right. Listen to that voice. And see that reaction (screaming) for what it is--a huge red flag. In respectful relationships, a calm discussion should be able to ensue when we share that something isn't going to work for us. But boundary pushers just react in the way that your gf (and mom?) reacted. One thing I try to remind myself is that sometimes someone else's displeasure at my decisions is a sign I'm doing the right thing for me--that is, that we cannot always please everyone around us and be true to our desires and needs.
matilda123 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to matilda123 For This Useful Post:
Hypernova (10-10-2015), Shining~Again (10-11-2015)
Old 10-10-2015, 12:14 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,087
Can't really offer any advice, except to say you're on the ball with the Herbalife thing. There's a 99.5% chance in a year or two from now, she'll walk away from it disappointed. Unless you're am amazing marketer, you're probably not going to make anything.
TroyW is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-10-2015, 12:18 PM   #5 (permalink)
Marchia in Aeternum
 
trachemys's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 10,893
I don't think you need advice. You have it pretty square. Do what you need.

BTW, your strength is amazing.
__________________
Other people have cared about me more than I cared for myself.

I owe them.
trachemys is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to trachemys For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (10-11-2015)
Old 10-10-2015, 12:56 PM   #6 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 52,438
Stewy, it sounds like you know things will be better for you if you're on your own for awhile. And, good for you for making your daughter a major priority in your life.
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
Anna is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Anna For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (10-11-2015), Dee74 (10-10-2015)
Old 10-10-2015, 03:25 PM   #7 (permalink)
Almost anything can be preserved in alcohol except health, happiness, and money Mary Wilson Little
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 66,801
Blog Entries: 4
Stewy I agree with Anna but because of everything going on in your heart & head tonight id advise against going out with the lads if thier going to be drinking I know you have thought this through but its where you say you want to document it & having to pre plan an exit strategy in case etc

I say save yourself the bother not unless your 5010% sure you know youl be ok

Sorry I'm trying to be a good friend bud if you do go you have SR on your phone & were here 24/7
Soberwolf is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Soberwolf For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (10-11-2015), Dee74 (10-10-2015)
Old 10-10-2015, 07:44 PM   #8 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 181,600
Blog Entries: 1
Great advice here Stewy I can't add to it.
I wish you well with whatever you decide domestically.

As for the lads night out...gotta be honest it's not something I'd do at your point of recovery, especially when I was angry with my gf...but I trust your escape plan is a good one

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Dee74 For This Useful Post:
Berrybean (10-11-2015)
Old 10-11-2015, 06:58 AM   #9 (permalink)
Guest
 

Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 699
Thank you ALL for your encouragement and support.

I ended up going on the night out. I did not drink any alcohol but got acquainted with fizzy water which is a more than adequate beverage. That sort of atmosphere is very drab in itself once the booze is taken away. I enjoyed spending time with my friends.

Today I'm hanging in there with my girlfriend, we've had a talk about stuff and aired some grievances. I'll keep close to SR at this time. You never know when the temptation arises to make a daft alcohol related decision.

I've been doing well on my junk food challenge and cut out coke and crisps. I've lost 8lb in a month.

Hope everyone is ok

Stewy
Stewy84 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Stewy84 For This Useful Post:
aasharon90 (10-11-2015), Berrybean (10-11-2015), Cascabel (10-11-2015), Dee74 (10-11-2015), matilda123 (10-11-2015), Shining~Again (10-11-2015)
Old 10-11-2015, 09:19 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
PurpleKnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,858
Great to hear you made it through Stewy!!
PurpleKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to PurpleKnight For This Useful Post:
matilda123 (10-11-2015)
Old 10-11-2015, 10:22 AM   #11 (permalink)
Almost anything can be preserved in alcohol except health, happiness, and money Mary Wilson Little
 
Soberwolf's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 66,801
Blog Entries: 4
Good job Stewy & great job on the weight loss !! my brother visited me today he's been a critic in the past saying I need to lose weight well with all the exercise Ive lost a few pounds & he gained a few I didn't say but it was nice when he mentioned it : )

Good idea sticking close to SR bud in this together
Soberwolf is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Soberwolf For This Useful Post:
matilda123 (10-11-2015)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:36 AM.