thomas11

I've posted recently quite a bit about the business etc...but since this is an alcohol recovery forum, I thought I'd post some changes regarding drinking. Someone posted awhile back about actually pushing themselves to drink and it just wasn't working. I think I'm almost in that same situation. A few weeks ago I thought I'd sit down and have a few drinks (ya know, controlled drinking...right). And I couldn't do it. I didn't want to do it. Ended up dumping it. Since then I've had ample opportunities to get after it hard, and have passed on it. I can't explain it really. I'm content. I think the medication probably has something to do with it, but I'm taking the bare minimum now. I'm taking about 1/3 of what I am prescribed. I also think I've kind of surrendered. Before, I thought surrendering was like losing, or giving up or dare I say "failing". Surrendering is what the enemy does when they have been defeated. That's not my mentality. I also think subconsciously, that hurting myself the way I did has had an impact. In retrospect, it was pretty damn serious. With serious consequences. I don't have the answer, but it seems the combination of these factors has reduced my desire to get drunk almost completely. When actively drinking it was a weekly cycle of highs and lows. Now life is pretty vanilla. Nothing too high, nothing to low, and I'm ok with it. I don't need that adrenaline rush, that desire to push the emotional envelope so to speak. As I said content. So, in the end, I think its a good thing, and I hope it stays that way. I saw my doctor last week for one reason and one reason only, I told her I want to work with her on a taper schedule for my medication. She was quite pleased that I actually engaged her to do this, she did not initiate this. That is kind of a whole different conversation, but I mention it because I'm trying to do the right thing. Interested in any input you may have.

Lastly, I don't count days, but its been awhile now.

SoberLeigh

Fantastic post, Jeff.

Isn't it great when you realize you've grown sober skin - when it's becoming second nature?!

I'm very happy for you.

FreeOwl

Surrender is a good thing... It's not weak or failure. In fact, in our context surrender is the most courageous and freeing thing we can do.

Glad to hear things are going well!!

sva777

I get where your coming from, I hit a similar spot where alcohol just doesn't seem appealing anymore. I think it made me so sick near the end of my run it was never even enjoyable anymore. Keep at it, and keeping away from alcohol is never "giving up" it is you ultimately "winning".

Soberwolf

Great post Jeff

Soberpotamus

That's great. Just be aware of the odd craving that's going to rear its head seemingly from out of nowhere at some point. I can only speak for myself, but once I got past the novelty of being stably sober, there were moments of rather powerful urges that cropped up. The good thing is I said no, over and over again, and because I continued to say no, they began to lose power, and lessen in frequency.

The big tests are in those benign moments, in the oddball urge, when you know you can "get away with it," or at least, that's when I faced my biggest tests. And so far, it hasn't completely stopped. Most times, say 95% of the time, I am fine with not drinking, happy to be sober, and wouldn't dare to wreck the life I've created.

Great job, and keep it up

Anna

Jeff, I do think that sometimes things come together and it becomes a big step forward in recovery. I'm glad that you're feeling good and doing well.

PurpleKnight

Very positive post Jeff!!

Venecia

Good post, Jeff.

One of the wise souls -- and I cannot remember who it was -- once characterized "surrender" not as defeat or failure but abandoning a sinking ship so as to climb aboard a safe, stable vessel. I liked that.

thomas11

Thanks everyone for you encouragement. It makes me feel even stronger. I hope you are all having a productive sober weekend.