In the psych ward again...but new puppy!
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 139
In the psych ward again...but new puppy!
Today was such a strange day. I almost went to prison, and I got a new puppy! Yay! No prison, and a puppy. I did SO much running today.
Basically, I've been lying in bed crying every day for weeks in the middle of nowhere. So last night, I decided that I am not a part of society anymore, and that I should go to prison. So at 1AM, I drove for 2 hours to my ex's place. He was still at work, so I broke in and waited with my pocket knife. I eventually fell asleep in my old room. When I woke up, I attacked my ex with the knife. He has military training, so he was able to disarm me. I then started beating him again. He dragged me into the hallway and I started screaming. People were looking at me. My ex was holding me down, and he told some plumber-looking guy to call the police. I eventually broke free, ran into the apartment and locked the door behind me. I escaped through the patio doors and bolted. I got tired of running and hid in some bushes, but this old guy told me to stay off other people's property, and he called the police. So I ran the other way. One of the cops saw me and chased me. I ran into traffic, almost got hit by two cars, but luckily the drivers were paying attention and stopped in time. I kept running but a cruiser was in pursuit at that point. They pulled in ahead of me, and the cops jumped out. I was really tired at that point, but I kept running at full speed. I'm a chain-smoker, so my lungs aren't great. I gave up and fell into some bushes, was put in handcuffs and thrown into the back of the cop car. I was really freaking out at that point, so I started screaming at the old man who called the cops. Anyway, I ended up spending a few hours in the psych ward. My mom got me a good lawyer, so I avoided charges again (break and enter, assault with a deadly weapon, assault, uttering death threats, resisting arrest etc.). I CAN'T do this again, because the next time I'm going to actually go to prison for a long time. : ( UGHHH. WHYY?! Stupid borderline personality disorder. I'm an f-ing idiot. Why do I do this to myself and others? I get in less trouble just drinking myself into a 24 hour coma.
But the good news was today is new puppy day! My cousin's a schizophrenic couch potato, so he wasn't looking after his dog properly. This dog needs to run, fast, a lot. So as soon as I got back, I took her for a run around my parent's neighborhood. I can't wait to run more with this dog, and give her some kind of job to do. I named her Nyx, the daughter of primordial chaos, and the goddess of night in Greek mythology. I was in the best mood today for the most part. All smiles, all day...except for the screaming part.
Roller coaster and a half!
Basically, I've been lying in bed crying every day for weeks in the middle of nowhere. So last night, I decided that I am not a part of society anymore, and that I should go to prison. So at 1AM, I drove for 2 hours to my ex's place. He was still at work, so I broke in and waited with my pocket knife. I eventually fell asleep in my old room. When I woke up, I attacked my ex with the knife. He has military training, so he was able to disarm me. I then started beating him again. He dragged me into the hallway and I started screaming. People were looking at me. My ex was holding me down, and he told some plumber-looking guy to call the police. I eventually broke free, ran into the apartment and locked the door behind me. I escaped through the patio doors and bolted. I got tired of running and hid in some bushes, but this old guy told me to stay off other people's property, and he called the police. So I ran the other way. One of the cops saw me and chased me. I ran into traffic, almost got hit by two cars, but luckily the drivers were paying attention and stopped in time. I kept running but a cruiser was in pursuit at that point. They pulled in ahead of me, and the cops jumped out. I was really tired at that point, but I kept running at full speed. I'm a chain-smoker, so my lungs aren't great. I gave up and fell into some bushes, was put in handcuffs and thrown into the back of the cop car. I was really freaking out at that point, so I started screaming at the old man who called the cops. Anyway, I ended up spending a few hours in the psych ward. My mom got me a good lawyer, so I avoided charges again (break and enter, assault with a deadly weapon, assault, uttering death threats, resisting arrest etc.). I CAN'T do this again, because the next time I'm going to actually go to prison for a long time. : ( UGHHH. WHYY?! Stupid borderline personality disorder. I'm an f-ing idiot. Why do I do this to myself and others? I get in less trouble just drinking myself into a 24 hour coma.
But the good news was today is new puppy day! My cousin's a schizophrenic couch potato, so he wasn't looking after his dog properly. This dog needs to run, fast, a lot. So as soon as I got back, I took her for a run around my parent's neighborhood. I can't wait to run more with this dog, and give her some kind of job to do. I named her Nyx, the daughter of primordial chaos, and the goddess of night in Greek mythology. I was in the best mood today for the most part. All smiles, all day...except for the screaming part.
Roller coaster and a half!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm sorry that you ended up in the psych ward but after reading your post I think it would have been the safest option for you.
did they give any ideas of where you might find more help now ?.
D
did they give any ideas of where you might find more help now ?.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 139
I make the WORST decisions, all the time. I found this:
"Many people believe that the symptoms and behaviours of people with Borderline Personality Disorder should be entirely under their control. This is not the case. To a significant degree, Borderline Personality Disorder is the result of disturbances in brain pathways that regulate emotion and impulse control. In other words, this is a true medical disorder, and, basically, no more under one’s control than diabetes or hypertension." - the author of Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified, Robert O. Friedel
I am chaos, so it's fitting I named my puppy after the daughter of chaos. I just can't do this kind of thing ever again. I wish my doctor was here this week. Every week I have some kind of new, f-ed up BS to tell her. I'm 4 years old at heart. If I'm thirsty or something, and I don't get to the grocery checkout fast enough, I start crying and repeating the same phrase over and over. That should have been the first clue to my ex that there was something weird about me, besides the fact I looked like a vampire when I was younger.
The doctor at the hospital just said that I should stick with the DBT therapy, and that in my case, it might take years. I need a job though! I need to be able to keep a job. Part of the reason I'm depressed, is that I can't ever keep a job. It's awful.
"Many people believe that the symptoms and behaviours of people with Borderline Personality Disorder should be entirely under their control. This is not the case. To a significant degree, Borderline Personality Disorder is the result of disturbances in brain pathways that regulate emotion and impulse control. In other words, this is a true medical disorder, and, basically, no more under one’s control than diabetes or hypertension." - the author of Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified, Robert O. Friedel
I am chaos, so it's fitting I named my puppy after the daughter of chaos. I just can't do this kind of thing ever again. I wish my doctor was here this week. Every week I have some kind of new, f-ed up BS to tell her. I'm 4 years old at heart. If I'm thirsty or something, and I don't get to the grocery checkout fast enough, I start crying and repeating the same phrase over and over. That should have been the first clue to my ex that there was something weird about me, besides the fact I looked like a vampire when I was younger.
The doctor at the hospital just said that I should stick with the DBT therapy, and that in my case, it might take years. I need a job though! I need to be able to keep a job. Part of the reason I'm depressed, is that I can't ever keep a job. It's awful.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi dunk, what you're telling us as an adventure might have ended up hurting innocent people like your EXBF, the drivers of the cars that just missed you, the cops who had to restrain you, your mom who cleans up the mess.
If going to jail is what motivates you not to repeat this, then so-be-it, it shows you can restrain yourself if you need to.
How about embarking on treatment with all your heart so you don't hurt anyone else? You'll feel better for it as well.
If going to jail is what motivates you not to repeat this, then so-be-it, it shows you can restrain yourself if you need to.
How about embarking on treatment with all your heart so you don't hurt anyone else? You'll feel better for it as well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 139
I've almost killed myself before due to decisions I made on pure impulse. For example, I went on a cutting spree before I started drinking, and I couldn't stop. I kept on losing so much blood that I was passing out. It wasn't even suicide attempts, I just CAN'T STOP myself. I see all the blood, I know it's getting dangerous, but I just keep on doing it until I lose feeling in my hand because I hit a nerve, or I pass out. I'd be dead right now if my ex hadn't come home from work in time and called the ambulance, because I needed a bunch of transfusions at some point.
Everything I do seems like a good idea at the time. It's just messed. I'm messed. I feel as though it's either prison or death for me.
Everything I do seems like a good idea at the time. It's just messed. I'm messed. I feel as though it's either prison or death for me.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: London
Posts: 172
Seems like you are a danger to yourself and the public and your issues go way deeper than addiction maybe you should be in a secure unit and not on the streets. They way you recite your night almost seems like a glorified story where you get away with it and end up with a cute puppy.!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
It really sounds to me like a qualified therapist and considering meds would be potentially valuable to you.
It can't be easy to live in this state of being. You mentioned BPD and a doctor - are you working with a psychiatrist? I'd say finding one with deep experience with BPD is essential. It is a complex condition and often takes numerous approaches (meds, therapy, lifestyle changes) in combination to successfully treat.
It can't be easy to live in this state of being. You mentioned BPD and a doctor - are you working with a psychiatrist? I'd say finding one with deep experience with BPD is essential. It is a complex condition and often takes numerous approaches (meds, therapy, lifestyle changes) in combination to successfully treat.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
You are a danger to yourself & I really hope you seek help I'm surprised you wasn't taken in & looked after by the mental health services in Toronto either way I've provided links to mental health hospital in your city
Go tonight
Mental Health Hospital Programs - Toronto Central - torontocentralhealthline.ca
Go tonight
Mental Health Hospital Programs - Toronto Central - torontocentralhealthline.ca
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
There's a lot of emotional ground to cover between getting arrested for assault with a deadly weapon, after breaking and entering, and being overjoyed over getting a new puppy within the same twenty four hours.
Therapy for BPD typically involves guiding the person through the process of taking responsibility for her actions, and how she responds to her own feelings and the assumed feelings of others. And individual therapy is often not enough. Projecting our inner lives onto external reality (such as naming your dog "Nyx, the daughter of primordial chaos, and the goddess of night in Greek mythology") is a natural but often destructive dynamic. Ordinary people bump up against reality, and not always safely or in healthy ways, when they expand and impose their inner lives to external reality. You may have experienced this in your inability to hold a job.
Chalking up self-harm and physically attacking other people to biological processes is a version of denial that inevitably leads to self-destruction. Counseling people with BPD that they are not in control of their own behaviors is a dangerous intervention that, unwittingly or not, can support that person's denial and degrade individual efficacy. Though some people have seemingly "outgrown" a range of personality disorders, this is a very rare exception and, by the time they do (if that's what actually happens), the damage done is irrevocable.
People with BPD tend to thrive within structure, just as the four-year-old part of you may be looking for. At present, there seems to be no reliable structure in your life. You don't need a long prison sentence in order to achieve a level of structure that will help you to heal, yet it seems that part of you is moving in that direction. The apparent freedom that you currently enjoy only leads to more chaos, including hallucinations and delusions, and there doesn't seem to be any internal solution, given your current circumstances.
If there's a healthy part of you that wants to move away from the darkness -- which, on more than one occasion, you've appeared to romanticize -- then getting serious help is indicated.
I hope you find what you need.
Therapy for BPD typically involves guiding the person through the process of taking responsibility for her actions, and how she responds to her own feelings and the assumed feelings of others. And individual therapy is often not enough. Projecting our inner lives onto external reality (such as naming your dog "Nyx, the daughter of primordial chaos, and the goddess of night in Greek mythology") is a natural but often destructive dynamic. Ordinary people bump up against reality, and not always safely or in healthy ways, when they expand and impose their inner lives to external reality. You may have experienced this in your inability to hold a job.
Chalking up self-harm and physically attacking other people to biological processes is a version of denial that inevitably leads to self-destruction. Counseling people with BPD that they are not in control of their own behaviors is a dangerous intervention that, unwittingly or not, can support that person's denial and degrade individual efficacy. Though some people have seemingly "outgrown" a range of personality disorders, this is a very rare exception and, by the time they do (if that's what actually happens), the damage done is irrevocable.
People with BPD tend to thrive within structure, just as the four-year-old part of you may be looking for. At present, there seems to be no reliable structure in your life. You don't need a long prison sentence in order to achieve a level of structure that will help you to heal, yet it seems that part of you is moving in that direction. The apparent freedom that you currently enjoy only leads to more chaos, including hallucinations and delusions, and there doesn't seem to be any internal solution, given your current circumstances.
If there's a healthy part of you that wants to move away from the darkness -- which, on more than one occasion, you've appeared to romanticize -- then getting serious help is indicated.
I hope you find what you need.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 139
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC 
There's a lot of emotional ground to cover between getting arrested for assault with a deadly weapon, after breaking and entering, and being overjoyed over getting a new puppy within the same twenty four hours.
Therapy for BPD typically involves guiding the person through the process of taking responsibility for her actions, and how she responds to her own feelings and the assumed feelings of others. And individual therapy is often not enough. Projecting our inner lives onto external reality (such as naming your dog "Nyx, the daughter of primordial chaos, and the goddess of night in Greek mythology") is a natural but often destructive dynamic. Ordinary people bump up against reality, and not always safely or in healthy ways, when they expand and impose their inner lives to external reality. You may have experienced this in your inability to hold a job.
Chalking up self-harm and physically attacking other people to biological processes is a version of denial that inevitably leads to self-destruction. Counseling people with BPD that they are not in control of their own behaviors is a dangerous intervention that, unwittingly or not, can support that person's denial and degrade individual efficacy. Though some people have seemingly "outgrown" a range of personality disorders, this is a very rare exception and, by the time they do (if that's what actually happens), the damage done is irrevocable.
People with BPD tend to thrive within structure, just as the four-year-old part of you may be looking for. At present, there seems to be no reliable structure in your life. You don't need a long prison sentence in order to achieve a level of structure that will help you to heal, yet it seems that part of you is moving in that direction. The apparent freedom that you currently enjoy only leads to more chaos, including hallucinations and delusions, and there doesn't seem to be any internal solution, given your current circumstances.
If there's a healthy part of you that wants to move away from the darkness -- which, on more than one occasion, you've appeared to romanticize -- then getting serious help is indicated.
I hope you find what you need.
Therapy for BPD typically involves guiding the person through the process of taking responsibility for her actions, and how she responds to her own feelings and the assumed feelings of others. And individual therapy is often not enough. Projecting our inner lives onto external reality (such as naming your dog "Nyx, the daughter of primordial chaos, and the goddess of night in Greek mythology") is a natural but often destructive dynamic. Ordinary people bump up against reality, and not always safely or in healthy ways, when they expand and impose their inner lives to external reality. You may have experienced this in your inability to hold a job.
Chalking up self-harm and physically attacking other people to biological processes is a version of denial that inevitably leads to self-destruction. Counseling people with BPD that they are not in control of their own behaviors is a dangerous intervention that, unwittingly or not, can support that person's denial and degrade individual efficacy. Though some people have seemingly "outgrown" a range of personality disorders, this is a very rare exception and, by the time they do (if that's what actually happens), the damage done is irrevocable.
People with BPD tend to thrive within structure, just as the four-year-old part of you may be looking for. At present, there seems to be no reliable structure in your life. You don't need a long prison sentence in order to achieve a level of structure that will help you to heal, yet it seems that part of you is moving in that direction. The apparent freedom that you currently enjoy only leads to more chaos, including hallucinations and delusions, and there doesn't seem to be any internal solution, given your current circumstances.
If there's a healthy part of you that wants to move away from the darkness -- which, on more than one occasion, you've appeared to romanticize -- then getting serious help is indicated.
I hope you find what you need.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
What a day for everyone involved! You life does sounds like a spooky fantasy novel, except that it is not. It is a dangerous reality for more than just yourself.
I have a story to share. I currently supervise someone with BPD at work and your posts do remind me of her sometimes. She also started having problems in her mid-teens: there was serious case of drug addiction, self-harm, abusive relationships, getting into different kinds of dangerous businesses breaking the law, and a few others. I met her only when most of these things were already under control due to getting years of serious help for her problems, both as individual problems (e.g. the drug abuse) and in a holistic way, including medication. She was in all sorts of programs and therapies and still is. For example: medical treatment and IOP for the drug issue, 12-step programs, DBT, long-term individual therapy, getting deeply into yoga (she even became an instructor). She is now in grad school working towards a PhD, and while she still struggles with emotional and existential issues and her level of responsibility and productivity towards her work fluctuates, I think she has a very good chance of finishing the degree and finding a suitable career path for her afterward. We do biological research, btw
She was at some point in her life (early 20's) in a similar phase that you are describing in your posts, which progressed to a point when she really hit her bottom hard: dropped out of school, became a drug dealer, no decent job, then completely ran out of money and was in conflict with pretty much everyone in her life. That's when she decided to finally give in to getting lots of external help, starting with her drug problem but soon she got into a quite complex treatment regime including DBT, psych meds, and then the other things I mentioned above. It took her a couple years to get back on track initially as far as I know, but she went back to school and finished it, then did a masters degree, now in a PhD program. Still in intense individual therapy and just did a new round of DBT this past summer in parallel. Takes an SSRI and maybe other meds as well, don't know. Your excitement about the puppy also reminds me of her... without getting into details I'll just say I think I get how that works.
In fact, I am not supposed to know all these things about her but she confided in me pretty early in our work relationship and I feel that letting her tell me about her personal life and discussing it in a sort of structured, progressive way (we set specific times for this, for example, otherwise it would interfere with the work as she tends to want these discussions in an impulsive way as distraction as well) is helping her significantly. But I also find that she benefits from some level of unstructured help (i.e. reaching out at random times), but this needs to have some limits. She likes to use me for accountability as well, although I can't say it works on a consistent basis because my impression is that her craving for structure and authorities to protect and guide her is just one component of the complex that she is. At the same time, she also tends to rebel a lot against structure and authority (not against me though, interestingly) and wants to break it on impulse quite often. It's like on one hand she requires organization and structure beyond average, but at the same time she fragments it herself. Yet the one thing that I feel she really likes and can use effectively is working in close relationships with authorities, e.g. her therapist and myself now. I think we both fulfill different needs for her based on her descriptions and reactions: the therapist is like a mother figure and I am more like some kind of ideal that she likes to identify with and take as a reference; she also likes to share with me some of her darker thoughts and experiences that apparently a "mother" is not supposed to hear. It's quite interesting for all of us Btw, she is also a very artistic person, more that than a scientist, but the creativity she carries (a lot of which comes from her darker imaginations) can definitely be channeled into a variety of interesting endeavors. I am quite familiar with this myself (having an inner world and thinking style that is a weird blend of a scientist's and an artist's) and while I did struggle with this "duality" when I was younger, sometimes seriously not knowing how to reconcile what I often tended to perceive as two orders or existence, eventually with time, experience, and a lot of self work I feel it's all integrated pretty well and I no longer suffer conflicts about it, that one kind of motivation interferes with the other, or that my inner world is separated from outside reality. One key step for me was finding "my niche" in my scientific field that allows me to directly use all the subjective drives and inspirations that are so powerful in me, including the darker ones and the artistic vision.
Why am I sharing all this here? Because having read many of your posts, I feel that you may have some of the same kind of theoretical potential. You are clearly an intelligent person with interesting thought patterns, wherever they come from. But like many other comments here suggested, working towards your genuine dreams and inner inspirations will require first getting everything stabilized such that you are able to function in everyday reality. My suggestion is that you focus on that as an absolute priority for a while, the rest can come later. Find the help that you need, some people you are able to trust and not attack, get back on the meds (maybe find the right combo of meds if the old ones were not the best) as it sounds you would most likely need the "biological intervention" to even begin to address the rest of it.
I have a story to share. I currently supervise someone with BPD at work and your posts do remind me of her sometimes. She also started having problems in her mid-teens: there was serious case of drug addiction, self-harm, abusive relationships, getting into different kinds of dangerous businesses breaking the law, and a few others. I met her only when most of these things were already under control due to getting years of serious help for her problems, both as individual problems (e.g. the drug abuse) and in a holistic way, including medication. She was in all sorts of programs and therapies and still is. For example: medical treatment and IOP for the drug issue, 12-step programs, DBT, long-term individual therapy, getting deeply into yoga (she even became an instructor). She is now in grad school working towards a PhD, and while she still struggles with emotional and existential issues and her level of responsibility and productivity towards her work fluctuates, I think she has a very good chance of finishing the degree and finding a suitable career path for her afterward. We do biological research, btw
She was at some point in her life (early 20's) in a similar phase that you are describing in your posts, which progressed to a point when she really hit her bottom hard: dropped out of school, became a drug dealer, no decent job, then completely ran out of money and was in conflict with pretty much everyone in her life. That's when she decided to finally give in to getting lots of external help, starting with her drug problem but soon she got into a quite complex treatment regime including DBT, psych meds, and then the other things I mentioned above. It took her a couple years to get back on track initially as far as I know, but she went back to school and finished it, then did a masters degree, now in a PhD program. Still in intense individual therapy and just did a new round of DBT this past summer in parallel. Takes an SSRI and maybe other meds as well, don't know. Your excitement about the puppy also reminds me of her... without getting into details I'll just say I think I get how that works.
In fact, I am not supposed to know all these things about her but she confided in me pretty early in our work relationship and I feel that letting her tell me about her personal life and discussing it in a sort of structured, progressive way (we set specific times for this, for example, otherwise it would interfere with the work as she tends to want these discussions in an impulsive way as distraction as well) is helping her significantly. But I also find that she benefits from some level of unstructured help (i.e. reaching out at random times), but this needs to have some limits. She likes to use me for accountability as well, although I can't say it works on a consistent basis because my impression is that her craving for structure and authorities to protect and guide her is just one component of the complex that she is. At the same time, she also tends to rebel a lot against structure and authority (not against me though, interestingly) and wants to break it on impulse quite often. It's like on one hand she requires organization and structure beyond average, but at the same time she fragments it herself. Yet the one thing that I feel she really likes and can use effectively is working in close relationships with authorities, e.g. her therapist and myself now. I think we both fulfill different needs for her based on her descriptions and reactions: the therapist is like a mother figure and I am more like some kind of ideal that she likes to identify with and take as a reference; she also likes to share with me some of her darker thoughts and experiences that apparently a "mother" is not supposed to hear. It's quite interesting for all of us
Btw, she is also a very artistic person, more that than a scientist, but the creativity she carries (a lot of which comes from her darker imaginations) can definitely be channeled into a variety of interesting endeavors. I am quite familiar with this myself (having an inner world and thinking style that is a weird blend of a scientist's and an artist's) and while I did struggle with this "duality" when I was younger, sometimes seriously not knowing how to reconcile what I often tended to perceive as two orders or existence, eventually with time, experience, and a lot of self work I feel it's all integrated pretty well and I no longer suffer conflicts about it, that one kind of motivation interferes with the other, or that my inner world is separated from outside reality. One key step for me was finding "my niche" in my scientific field that allows me to directly use all the subjective drives and inspirations that are so powerful in me, including the darker ones and the artistic vision. Why am I sharing all this here? Because having read many of your posts, I feel that you may have some of the same kind of theoretical potential. You are clearly an intelligent person with interesting thought patterns, wherever they come from. But like many other comments here suggested, working towards your genuine dreams and inner inspirations will require first getting everything stabilized such that you are able to function in everyday reality. My suggestion is that you focus on that as an absolute priority for a while, the rest can come later. Find the help that you need, some people you are able to trust and not attack, get back on the meds (maybe find the right combo of meds if the old ones were not the best) as it sounds you would most likely need the "biological intervention" to even begin to address the rest of it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Hi Dunkelheit. I have been following your posts. Not only because we live in the same city but also because of alcoholism and a mental disorder. I have ADHD, and while not as serious as BPD, when I drink, I am very destructive and unpredictable. I have been arrested 5 times, been in the ER 5 times at least. I am estranged from my brother because I attacked him in a drunken blackout. Spent 2 days in jail for that. Been in bar brawls with random people, almost got stabbed. Have almost died after drunken injuries.
I have already lost a career in finance, bankrupted myself, have a criminal record. Cant get a decent job because I cant pass a background check. I am university educated, have a post grad degree. My parents are both doctors. I am no criminal.
As I rebuild my life, professional help has been my only priority. I see a therapist twice a week and take medication to control my symptoms. Besides ADHD, I also struggle with anxiety and depression.
You do need support. Staying alone in the boonies is a bad idea. I am a prisoner to my own thoughts when I isolate like that. Have you been to the CAMH centre yet?
I have already lost a career in finance, bankrupted myself, have a criminal record. Cant get a decent job because I cant pass a background check. I am university educated, have a post grad degree. My parents are both doctors. I am no criminal.
As I rebuild my life, professional help has been my only priority. I see a therapist twice a week and take medication to control my symptoms. Besides ADHD, I also struggle with anxiety and depression.
You do need support. Staying alone in the boonies is a bad idea. I am a prisoner to my own thoughts when I isolate like that. Have you been to the CAMH centre yet?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 346
If one can love a dog and care for it , they may well be learning how to care for themselves and others. I do agree with all other posters on getting the proper help. Don't give up the fight but pick your battles. I am also one of those that has actually begged the police to put me back in because I can operate well in isolation/institutions. Really dumb I know but I've been there. My heart goes out to you.
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