Rio97

BeccyBean, it's not a big crowd, and they're not huge drinkers, but after dinner I have a plan to cut out if need be. I'll just say I have some things to do tomorrow. Thanks

helpimalive

Thanks grizzlybearblue!

There are bubbles being handed out at this wedding, for blowing when the ceremony ends. How can anything go wrong amidst bubbles??

Hello Dismas! Is your username a reference to the patron saint of thieves?

Layali

Welcome Dismas! I mean, Daniel!

Layali

Hi people.

Just now I was at the store, buying wine to replace the wine I drank (it's pretty likely my sister could stop by to take it back to her place for thanksgiving dinner on Monday... I really didn't want to have to say that I drank it). I fit in, buying wine - every single person seemed to be getting a bottle or two for the holiday weekend. The guy tried to up sell me a large one - I automatically said no. Which is strange, because earlier my AV was like "buy the large one and drink half....it's only a couple bucks more to do that" but anyway. I didn't even think about it - just got the small one.

As soon as I walked in the door at home, I suddenly wanted to just start drinking it as juice.

But then, there was more talk of the bombings in Turkey, and that was and is occupying my mind. I am very, very upset about this.... I am so heartbroken. At least 97 dead and 400 injured - at a peace rally!!! They targeted a peace rally. As well as another demonstration on people who are wanting to work together!! I am livid. And so sad.... I am learning Turkish, actually. I guess this is just a bit closer to my heart.

Anyway. You would think this would make me want to drink, but no... these bombings are somehow seeming to mirror what is going on inside me. How I am bombing myself. I don't mean to make light of what happened - I'm devastated. It's just that.... this pain is all too real, what people are feeling. And somehow, I feel like I am causing damage to myself...but I never realised just how much damage before....gah. Okay I can't really explain. I see things and the world in symbols, kind of jungian style.... sometimes it's hard to explain what my mind is doing.

Anyway, if anyay wants to pray for these Turkish people then you can. Though I know you have your own stuff going on and maybe you're not even a praying person or even care. And that's ok too.

Well....that's what I'm feeling right now. Yes, I still have occasional urges to drink but those were there before all this stuff.

One thing helping to stop me drinking is the health part - being worried about what I'm doing to myself. The other part is, if I drank more, I don't think I'd have enough money to pay back the alcohol. But this is really nice stuff. I can't just drink it.... I would be in trouble. So, I am trying to be healthy. I bought some Zinc at the store. I have B vitamins and vitamin C and omega 3 and magnesium citrate..... I have a multi, but it's almost gone and can't replace it til I get more money - hence the buying of zinc, because that is one thing I apparently need in recovery, and it is in the multi's.

Ok I'll stop typing now.

Good luck to everyone who will be in a difficult position tonight, around alcohol. I know that you can do it - you can remain sober - I know you can!!

Layali

Oh but one more thing - wine in Turkish is 'şarap' -which sounds a lot like 'shaddap!" (shut up!) So, that's how I remember that one. Someone even wants to mention wine and I'll all like SHADDAP!!! lol

Okay I think it's time I check out the rest of the forums...there have got to be places just to chat. I'm totally clogging up the thread here. Sorry!

helpimalive

Heath stuff really concerns me, too. At this point I can kill some cravings just by finding something to read about the effects of alcohol abuse.

helpimalive

So I said I was going to live post this wedding reception I'm at but ... I really don't need to. I'm not going to drink. I'm not even remotely tempted. Maybe later.

For now, I'm going to blow bubbles at people with the bubble bottles provided for wedding guests.

Edited to add: when I say "maybe later," I mean maybe I'll be tempted later, and need to post more. Haha.

Dee74

Welcome Dimas

Sorry to see you go NT but I understand people wanting to move on - there'll always be a seat for you here tho if change your mind or decide you need the support after all

Glad all is going well helpi'malive

Rio97

Just got back from the dinner. They were talking about a doctor they knew that died, millions of dollars in debt. The guy was an alcoholic, but the people I was with were hesitant to label him that. I had just heard it.

Made me think how people are so hesitant to label someone an alcoholic. They'll call them "big drinkers", as though that makes it more socially acceptable. I don't know what differentiates a big drinker from an alcoholic. Maybe if you're young, and there's still time before you cross the line. But the label is usually reserved for older people.

Anyway, I'm restless and irritable, but overall I made it through. I'm not gonna lie, some beer to take the edge off sounds real good right now. Sometimes things just seem overwhelming, I see why people avoid stressful situations early in sobriety.

Dee74

You won't regret not drinking tomorrow morning Rio

D

BixBees505

Excellent, Helpimalive !!! As someone told me, when it needed the boost---you've got this.

needtostopthis

Am i the only one who keeps messing up? I drank two nights ago again. I have not been to a meeting because truthfully at this point i don't have time. My son is out of control. School is awful. They call me almost every single day. Now he got transitioned to Special ed after i complained to them about him needing extra help. I asked if he could have an aid or something and they said maybe try special ed for now. Well when he got transferred it made more problems. He was not used to it and tried to run out of the class on two different occasions. I have been busy with school meetings, psych meetings and so much paperwork. I know it sounds bad but good grief i feel i had to drink. Some days i don't even know how i go on. I am depressed and my anxiety is pretty bad. I know drinking makes it worse but i can't friggin stop doing it. I have tried i really have. Right now i know i sound all woo is me but i do feel like i am going through a lot right now. MIL with cancer, fighting with hubby, kid having issues, etc.
I do want to stop because when i went 4 days this time i felt really great. I was taking a walk every single morning with my two dogs and eating better and i just felt more alive. Anyway thanks for everything all of you. I will try to check in when i have time.
Oh yeah day 2. lol. Almost forgot to put that.

Jsbodhi

Just checking in xoxo
The health stuff is a worry to me too

BixBees505

Glad you posted, needtostopthis. Your saying you need to stop sounds a little hypothetical, though, like "need to stop when things settle down, but for now I need to drink when I need to drink." I get that...probably everyone on SR gets that. Been there. I found that when I was finally ready to stop "now", a lot more tools and support applied to me.

MrMuppet

Just lurking around here tonight. Good to see people are fighting the fight. Gives me inspiration. Quiet night at home packing up for the move. Was wondering what its going to be like to live somewhere I haven't been howl at the moon drunk. Looking forward to a fresh start where I don't drive around and see the places where I exercised my alcoholism. So just going to get on the intergroup site for my new locale and get some meetings lined up. Good night all and keep the healing going.

grizzlybearblue

Needtostopthis, I totally get it. I did a lot of drugs for a long time, and when I quit that I started drinking even more. I always thought I was too busy, I had too much going on to afford downtime for my body and mind to recover. I always had to have something to keep me going because there was no other way I could handle everything. It was easier to keep doing what I was used to doing even though I felt and looked like s**t everyday. I thought, "I can handle it, it's what I always do". I only have 18 days, but I can tell already I'm dealing with the stresses of life a lot better. I'm more productive, I think more clearly, and I'm surprisingly calm. I really like the calm part. I used to wait to be calm until after I smoked something, drank something, or whatever route I chose, but now there's excuse to wait til later, I better deal with it now. Hang in there and keep trying! And no, you are not the only one!

helpimalive

I'm in bed now, to go to sleep soon. That's 21 days for me.

The wedding reception was fun. People were drinking but like, meh. There was plenty else to do. My cousins and I snuck into an empty conference room in the event space where the reception is held and used the podium to hold a mock awards show including awards like "best moment of the evening" and "best cousin who got married today" and "best song played at the reception." It was hilarious.

I don't know how to feel about the fact that that's how I felt. Like, that I wasn't even concerned with alcohol. Is that good? Is that dangerous? Does it mean nothing? I don't know what it means. But I've decided it probably means nothing. I got lucky. There will be plenty of times in the future where I don't get lucky, and I will be tempted, so I need to always be prepared and stay on top of my recovery for when that does happen.

Anyway, good night everybody.

helpimalive

I'm sorry those things are happening with your son That sounds crazy stressful. I have no kids, so I can't even imagine what that must be like.

Also, no, you're not the only one. It's so hard. I'm currently terrified that a craving is going to rise up and hit me like a tidal wave and I won't even know what happened, because that's happened to me before when I thought I was doing okay.

Here's one question: if you don't have time to go to a meeting (or do something else for an hour and a half or so for your sobriety), why do you have time to drink? I don't mean to be a smart ass, I just mean, maybe you could save up the time/efficiency you'd lose buying alcohol, drinking, and being hungover, and use it on something for your recovery?

I say this because I always used to say I didn't have time. You said in another thread that you can't make it past 12 days. That's exactly the number of days I couldn't make it past too! Then I tried AA, and even though it wasn't for me and I did drink again, I got 46 days. This time, I've got an extensive plan going, and I have 21 days.

I am still a tiny baby in sobriety, but it just seems to me, if you put more time and energy into it, you stay sober for longer. I'm sure other people can say wiser and more articulate things, but that's just my .2 cents worth of experience

I guess I'm just saying that old cliche, maybe you have more time than you think you do for what's important.

mba

Hi everyone. It's the end of Day 1 for me once again and it feels good to be back in SR again after months away . I'd like to join this October class please. I'm doing this for my wife and kids who are missing out on quality time with me and I'm doing it for myself before I do any more damage. Tired of being tired all the time.

Dee74

Welcome mba

I'm really sorry about the stuff with your son too need, but I think you need to consider the possibility that you'd cope with things better not drinking.

Drinking always mad bad situations worse for me because I was very rarely thinking clearly and I was always running the risk of reacting rather than responding.

Are there support groups in your community where you might be able to talk to other parents?

D