Jillian2563

I am going back and forth about drinking tonight. I'm stressed. I'm emotional. All I want is a few ice cold beers. Why can't I do that? I'm an adult. Everyone else drinks. Why can't I? Maybe I just got stuck in a bad place for too long without knowing how to properly deal with it. I still don't know how to properly deal with certain situations and in sober. So why can't I have a six pack?

ScottFromWI

You can't do that because you are an alcoholic. It will never be "a few beers"....it will be as much beer as you can get your hands on, and then a mad scramble to get more when you run out of what you have.

The "everyone else drinks" excuse is the oldest one in the book too, your addiction would love you to think that. But in reality, most people drink very little or nothing at all.

So yah, its' just your AV telling you lies...kick it to the curb. First off, make sure you meet your H.A.L.T. needs ( Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? ). Eat if you haven't in a a while. Sleep if you need sleep. Talk to us or someone else if you are lonely or angry. There's lots and lots of ways to get through these feelings without drinking.

FreeOwl

You totally can have a six pack. You totally CAN have a few ice cold beers. If that's what you really want, there are ice cold beers all over the place. You can have them within a few minutes.

So CAN I.

So CAN virtually anyone here.

But we choose not to. We choose not to have those beers because we know where it leads. And knowing where it leads - why on earth would we WANT that? We don't. We know we don't. And so we CHOOSE not to.

I disagree with the whole "can't" thing. "Can't" always failed for me. "Can't" didn't keep me sober. "Choose" and "Want" keep me sober. I focus on what I choose (sobriety) because of what I WANT (the good, positive, joyful, present, productive, happy, meaningful, abundant life that results from being a sober person).

PurpleKnight

Are those rhetorical questions Jillian?

Everyone is not the same when it comes to alcohol, and there is no "normal", and everyone certainly does not drink, these generalisations are your addiction talking and need to be shut down and reserved to the fairytale tray.

Acceptance of how alcohol affects us is an important step in recovery, if you replaced the word alcohol with say a nut allergy the paragraph would read as follows:

The allergy of alcohol is as real as a nut allergy and we need to accept the cards we were dealt, and move on with our lives!!

You can do this Jillian!! Hang in there!!

Soberwolf

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Remember why you gave up drinking Jillian

doggonecarl

You came here a couple days ago wondering if you will ever be able to drink again. Just pondering it, you said. Today you want to drink. Why? You opened the door to drinking because you can't commit to never drinking again. That's been your struggle. Declare Day 1, go a period of time sober, feel like drinking, then succumb to the urge, only to feel terrible afterward.

What a miserable cycle. Staying sober is how you break it.

Incontrol15

Thank you FreeOwl for that reminder. I get off track with that periodically. My self talk is often full of words like SHOULD, NEED or HAVE TO, CAN'T. Simply being aware of that self talk and changing the words to WANT or CAN makes a huge difference.

And if I may add my experience to the issue on topic.....

Those feelings are real. Stress, anxiety, boredom...what ever they are, are real. And will always be there. Normal people don't drink to get though them. They have healthier ways of coping.

Picture those feelings as though it's a bridge you need to cross. It's a necessary part of the journey. You can't continue without crossing that bridge.

The best thing you can do is to actively find a way to get through it. Or, you can passively wait to get though it. The feelings WILL pass. But, if you take an active approach by trying alternatives to getting getting high or drunk, then you'll be more prepared the next time it comes up. Which it will.

Soon enough, after a couple times of trial and error, you'll sail right through those feelings. You will find alternatives that work for you. But that's the key. You have to find them. They don't just pop up out of the woodwork.

breath

Yeah...there was a time when I could have a few cold beers, no problem...

...Those beers were fun... then fun with problems...
and finally just beers with problems...

When I figured out I couldn't stop on my willingness alone and sought support from others, incluing here on SR, things got a whole lot better!

firstymer

You might want to re-read what you wrote here in July. It answers perfectly the question of why you can't "just" have a six-pack. You wrote:

It's no fun being late for work.
It's no being hungover all day.
It's no fun being sore from falling the night before.
It's no fun worrying about everything you've done.
It's no fun neglecting your family.
It's no fun thinking about that first drink.
It's no fun thinking about that last drink.
It's no fun to have panic attacks.
It's no fun being broke.
It's no fun humiliating yourself.
It's no fun wondering what others think.
It's no fun being a drunk.

Just play it through, Jillian. Play it through and you will be ok. Be strong.

Jillian2563

Thanks everyone. My mind is all over the place. It's almost like I'm trying to prove to myself that I can be normal. I'm so confused.

I remember all the bad things that came with drinking everyday. And I don't plan on going back to that by any means. Just would be nice to have a couple.

FreeOwl

For what it's worth, it's totally "Normal" for an alcoholic to be plagued with wanting to be "Normal".

Even after almost 2 years of sobriety, I still have bouts with that feeling that it might be nice to 'just have a couple'. I still have thoughts arise about how 'I'm sure I could just have one, on occasion'. Heck, just last week at a wedding I struggled mightily with feelings of being "not as good as" other people who were heavily drinking - even as they regaled me with stories of urinating into their flat screen television.

Is it anything short of CRAZY that I should feel jealous and 'not as good as' a person because I'm not drinking when that person is five beers into a drunken evening and telling me about destroying his own TV by peeing in it?

This is something that gets easier, but it is also something that is very, very typical to face in sobriety. It's good to share it, let it out, talk with others and acknowledge it for what it is; your brain's addicted pleasure center crying out for its fix.

Nonsensical

You said it best yourself.

PurpleKnight

What is normal? . . . many people don't drink, a few entire religions out there (billions of people) plus those that have chosen to be teetotal.

Normal is a myth, and we all need to get past that fairytale!!

tomsteve

its quite common for tje thoughts to come up in early recovery.
i had the mental obsession for quite some time. a couple things that kept me from drinking:
knowledge of my past telling me i am not capapble of having just a few without it eventually getting unmanagable again.

praying.

trust in people telling me it will get easier so long as i put in the footwork of learning who i was and how to live life on lifes term.

and knowing i was going to have them thoughts but i had the power to not let my thoughts control my actions.

Soberwolf

Jillian this is known as the AV telling you just a couple but as we both know one's too many a thousand is never enough

When I used to get cravings it was horrible sometimes I felt better going out on a quiet walk away from any shops etc

Know this Jillian that it will pass use the urge surfing link, I use it for panic attacks its a awesome link that works & when you get through this youl feel tons better for it and it will help lessen the cravings the more you get through them

The AV only grows stronger when you give it what it wants starve it with sobriety were with you all the way Jillian

newhope01

There is a huge part of you that wants a "normal" and sober life or you wouldn't have reached out to us here.

Feed and nourish that part of you. Reach out to some friends or family you can trust and just vent. Hit up a meeting if you go to AA. Come here and rant if you need too.

Nothing will feel better than waking up another day sober. I think its time for some much needed ice cream and a good movie.

Ruby2

Normal drinkers don't say they want a six pack. I wanted to be normal but every time I want one or two beers, I'd end up drinking one or two six packs. A night.

It's perfectly normal to think you want a beer. I still get those wistful thoughts. But one always leads to feeling like garbage the next week or so.

You want a beer but you don't need a beer. What you most likely need is support, some food and some water.

Hang in there.

thomas11

Bingo. We are adults, we can do anything we want, including drinking ourselves to death. But I don't recommend it.