FreeOwl

I'm a Daddy. I have two beautiful, joyful little girls. My Dad and I, we have a decent relationship today - but it wasn't always like that. Dad wasn't around a lot when I was a boy. I do have some good memories and my Mom did her best to help foster a positive relationship. When he did come around, there were some positive experiences of father-son times. There were also a lot of scary ones. Drunken ones. Confusing ones, for a kid. And there were the not showing up. The wondering when I'd see him again. The pain in my mother's eyes.

I'm a Daddy, I have two little girls, I spend every moment I can with them. They've not had to experience me drunk much and the times that they did, they were young enough that I hope any memories of those moments are far and away eclipsed by all the wonderful times and memories we're making together. I'm a Daddy, and I know how terribly damaging alcohol can be to my own ability to BE a Daddy. When I was drinking, I could still be a Father. But I couldn't be a Daddy. When I was drinking, I could act the role - but I couldn't fully step into the Man. When I was drinking, I know that it colored my whole experience and even though I still did a lot with and for my little girls - they didn't get me fully. And I didn't get them fully either.

I'm a Daddy and every moment I have spent in my past life drinking was a moment that took something away from my journey as a Daddy. I'm so grateful today that I am Daddy. Every day. Fully present and fully able to be me, to experience them, to give them my best.

A lot of you are Daddies too... and Mommies.... or will be. A lot of you had experiences like I did with your own Daddies and Mommies... your own Mothers and Fathers....

One of the great gifts of sobriety is our ability to step back into that Daddy or Mommy space fully, able to give and receive the experience with everything we truly are. When the filter of the haze of addiction is removed, there is a beautiful experience to be had.

Some may think 'it's too late'... but I think it's never too late.

Today is a good day to be sober, and to be our best Daddy and Mommy we can be.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWt4...ature=youtu.be

FreeOwl

oh... and to those of you who are NOT Daddies or Mommies.... maybe one day you will be.

Or maybe you have a loved one....

Or maybe one day you will....

You see all of these things apply not just to our children....

PurpleKnight

Yeap it's never too late FreeOwl to be the BEST at whatever stage in life we are at!!

Remove alcohol and the shackles come off!!

Carver

Thank you for this post. I know exactly what you mean. I haven't seen my daughter for two months now, and there's a hole. I'm going back this week, sober, and that girl's gonna have the best Daddy in the world

HeartsAfire

By far the single greatest benefit of my sobriety is my new & improved relationship with my children. There is nothing more beneficial to them than a present & fully engaged mom - especially as they both enter their teen years.

It's never, ever too late to turn your life around. First for yourself, and second for those who love & depend on you.

Thanks for another great post, Owl. You're on a roll lately!

DaisyBee

Being present for my children is the most important gift of my decision to stay sober. We all deserve this.

thomas11

While we do not have children, I am a husband, and a much better one than i used to be. Thank you for this post.

jryan19982

True that. I was/am upset that I was drunk while my kids were young- I wont get that time back. But they are still young enough that I can over write those memories/non memories with other ones.

Soberwolf

SoberLeigh

Another fabulous post, FreeOwl - every single word.

Csharp

Great post Owl, I just replied to a thread about how my children were my motivating factor in getting sober. I am a father of three girls, like you now fully engaged and extremely happy.

I know exactly what it's like to not have a parent around, my dad passed away when I needed him the most and it was alcohol related.

I just couldn't do that to my children, I am still mad at my dad after nearly 30 years. Brings me to tears just think about how much I
Miss him.

Thanks for the post . Surely reminds me why I am sober today. I'm having a bad few months and nearly picked up after almost five years. I'm here to prevent that and you reminded me why.

Scott

teatreeoil007

Free Owl,

You are a very good writer and thanks for sharing. I miss my dad. But I feel he is in a better place...I still miss him, just the same. He always said he was about half crazy and I guess I take after him. Sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad, but one thing I've learned is that I am not alone in that and it somehow helps. I'm a lone wolf, really and came to that realization a long time ago...in fact, it was my dad that first said that to me: "You're a loner".

He didn't say it as a put down really...I think it was more of a compliment and perhaps he saw it as a positive trait.

I can definitely be social and outgoing when I need to be. But, I have simply GOT to have my alone time. I was that way all my years growing up despite being in a big family!

I am rather fortunate that there was plenty of outdoor space around because it was there that I often sought my REFUGE...

My first real, for real "come to Jesus talk" like the real one, not the joking one...was when as a teenager I was having some trouble making my horse mind...and I was to DETERMINED to break through the STUBBORN streak he had and that he would obey and do what I wanted and needed. It was like a CLASH OF WILLS! It was intense. I was balling my head off, but when I channeled my energy and put it ALL into breaking his will....guess what happened? It was miraculous really. Here is this big strong beautiful horse only about 6 years old and he was now yielding to ME.

I cannot tell you what an empowering moment that was. So, then what happened the rest of the summer was I was able to teach him and train him to do all sorts of wonderful things. And at the fair at the end of the summer we did very well in all the competitions. This year one of my dear nieces appears to following in our footsteps and we are so proud of her!

The lesson I learned from the whole experience was to persevere, don't give up, stick with it, and find your gumption...which has served me well over the years.

You are showing much joy, Free Owl and we are all happy for you. Being a dad is one of the most joyous, empowering, rewarding, miraculous, inspiring things that could possibly happen to anyone!! So soak it in and PLEASE let us know how things are going for you .

Take Care

wehav2day

Great post, free owl!! And so very true.

Sobriety makes more present, better engaged, all that stuff. But recovery makes us better role models.

Good for you!!

MythOfSisyphus

A wise Owl indeed!