Did alcohol cause me to fail?
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Did alcohol cause me to fail?
Bless you if you read this entire post. I have spent the last couple weeks splitting my time between cleaning, sorting, and throwing out hundreds of items and servicing our lawn care accounts, and doing some small landscape jobs on Saturdays. Taking decals off my trucks, posting tools and equipment online to sell etc....I was driving around today working with my one guy left and started reflecting the how's and why's of liquidating my company.
It's complicated (like anything) but I've broke it down into 2 parts. Did my drinking cause the eventual failure, or was it a bad winter, followed by serious injuries, followed by my best guys (who had been with me for years) moving on? Or was it a combination? To be perfectly honest, my most successful years were when I was drinking nightly. But I believe it caught up to me and I was hit with a double whammy of word getting out that I was a "drinker" and the crash of 2008. But then things turned the corner for me, I stopped drinking nightly and became a weekend warrior, and the economy started to recover. That was roughly 2011-2012. Since I live in a suburb of Minneapolis, I think a combination of the recovering economy and word getting around that I was no longer a drunk/drinker things turned around. My peers did not go around telling people I had changed my ways, but when drinking heavily, my peers were the first to spread the word (competitive advantage thing). But after a year or two, my customers clearly knew they were dealing with someone who was mentally sharp and committed to work 24/7 Monday thru Friday early afternoon. Business turned around and we were doing fine. Then, the winter of 2014-2015 was sparse. We survived because of a good summer, and then while drunk, I hurt myself seriously. Therefore, I was out of commission. To make matters worse, my best guys left. One because of injury and one because of an opportunity of a lifetime. So I had all new guys, and no one but me could be the boss/teacher...except I was in the hospital. At that point, everything suffered. Everything. My injuries could have happened to anyone, but I did happen to be drinking at the time. The type of business I am in operates on a razor thin margin. Cash flow is the name of the game. Lots of overhead, equipment, insurance, fuel, taxes, and payroll. So, in the end, 7 months of reduced income as a result of bad weather and my injuries buried me. Wanted to get out, had to get out. So I ponder if alcohol did me in. My alcohol consumption got less and less over the 12 years in business. I consider that a good thing. But the perfect storm of a bad winter, an bad accident and a few longstanding employees moving on left me stranded, so to speak. In the end, I can't escape the feeling of failure, but I'm trying to pinpoint why? I think its natural to think that way. And of course, I'm wondering if alcohol ruined me.
My take at the moment is that it had a hand in it, but wasn't the ultimate reason. For what it's worth, I've tried to exit this business as gracefully and with as much integrity as possible. Which is how I've operated for 4 years. I've fulfilled my obligations, I've given proper notice etc... I didn't just shut down my website and disconnect my phone and leave everyone screwed. Not my style. Interested in anyone's opinion. Thanks for reading.
It's complicated (like anything) but I've broke it down into 2 parts. Did my drinking cause the eventual failure, or was it a bad winter, followed by serious injuries, followed by my best guys (who had been with me for years) moving on? Or was it a combination? To be perfectly honest, my most successful years were when I was drinking nightly. But I believe it caught up to me and I was hit with a double whammy of word getting out that I was a "drinker" and the crash of 2008. But then things turned the corner for me, I stopped drinking nightly and became a weekend warrior, and the economy started to recover. That was roughly 2011-2012. Since I live in a suburb of Minneapolis, I think a combination of the recovering economy and word getting around that I was no longer a drunk/drinker things turned around. My peers did not go around telling people I had changed my ways, but when drinking heavily, my peers were the first to spread the word (competitive advantage thing). But after a year or two, my customers clearly knew they were dealing with someone who was mentally sharp and committed to work 24/7 Monday thru Friday early afternoon. Business turned around and we were doing fine. Then, the winter of 2014-2015 was sparse. We survived because of a good summer, and then while drunk, I hurt myself seriously. Therefore, I was out of commission. To make matters worse, my best guys left. One because of injury and one because of an opportunity of a lifetime. So I had all new guys, and no one but me could be the boss/teacher...except I was in the hospital. At that point, everything suffered. Everything. My injuries could have happened to anyone, but I did happen to be drinking at the time. The type of business I am in operates on a razor thin margin. Cash flow is the name of the game. Lots of overhead, equipment, insurance, fuel, taxes, and payroll. So, in the end, 7 months of reduced income as a result of bad weather and my injuries buried me. Wanted to get out, had to get out. So I ponder if alcohol did me in. My alcohol consumption got less and less over the 12 years in business. I consider that a good thing. But the perfect storm of a bad winter, an bad accident and a few longstanding employees moving on left me stranded, so to speak. In the end, I can't escape the feeling of failure, but I'm trying to pinpoint why? I think its natural to think that way. And of course, I'm wondering if alcohol ruined me.
My take at the moment is that it had a hand in it, but wasn't the ultimate reason. For what it's worth, I've tried to exit this business as gracefully and with as much integrity as possible. Which is how I've operated for 4 years. I've fulfilled my obligations, I've given proper notice etc... I didn't just shut down my website and disconnect my phone and leave everyone screwed. Not my style. Interested in anyone's opinion. Thanks for reading.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
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It's hard to know Jeff, there are soo many variables when it comes to business, and some are out of your control.
But I do know alcohol never helps a situation, always tends to makes things worse, but from memory you were making great strides to draw a line under your drinking, so you were addressing that also.
I always hear the phrase, "the end of an era can be the start of a new opportunity", and that can apply to not only Sobriety, but our work life too!!
Don't beat yourself up over it Jeff!!
But I do know alcohol never helps a situation, always tends to makes things worse, but from memory you were making great strides to draw a line under your drinking, so you were addressing that also.
I always hear the phrase, "the end of an era can be the start of a new opportunity", and that can apply to not only Sobriety, but our work life too!!
Don't beat yourself up over it Jeff!!
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
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I'd say don't beat yourself up about it. I think it's great that you are wrapping up your business with dignity and grace. That will help you immensely in the future if you decide to start over again. People will remember that more than that you drank or were a drinker.
There are too many variables to say one way or another whether it was the drinking. But it certainly doesn't help anything. Hang in there.
There are too many variables to say one way or another whether it was the drinking. But it certainly doesn't help anything. Hang in there.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
It's really impossible to say Jeff. Life usually isn't as cut and dry as we'd like it to be. What I see though is someone who ran a successful business but ran into some issues. You've now worked through a lot of them and are moving forward. There is no "failure" in that model to me.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 147
You know I had an argument the other day with a guy about various sports stars who had alcohol or substance abuse problems. Could they have been hall of famers or even better (some were in the hall of fame) if they didn't drink or drug? Who knows? They may have injured themselves or just faded away. There are plenty of non alcoholics who aren't great. So time to move on. First things first. Get sober. Life might not be so great but you'll have a little more money (not spending on alcohol), feel a little better, and not be drunk or hungover which could impair your judgement. Hang in there
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
It sounds like there were so many factors, and to be honest, you lasted a good, long time through some very hard times. Would your business have lasted if you never took a sip? There is no way to know, so why spend time pondering that? You know drinking is not what you want to be doing, so just let it go. Take all you have learned and go forward to the next thing. Be grateful you had what you had and leave the bad stuff behind. Life is just not an easy thing, every one has their burdens.
Be proud that you closed your business down the right way, so many do not. You've earned respect and you get to keep that, business owner or not.
Be proud that you closed your business down the right way, so many do not. You've earned respect and you get to keep that, business owner or not.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hey Jeff
I'm sorry this closure is upsetting for you - and I completely understand.
But, times are hard - there's a lot of good hardworking people going to the wall, in your country and mine. Did they do anything 'wrong'?
Unless you have millions behind you, most of us are in struggle street.
I don't know what factor your alcoholism was, if any...but chasing things down that particular rabbit hole are just likely to make you feel worse.
I think it's much better to focus on what you achieved...and on what you hope to achieve now.
You're fit, you're young, you're in recovery, you have a wife who loves you - those are all good things.
Don't miss what might be coming up because you're smacking yourself in the head over the past
D
I'm sorry this closure is upsetting for you - and I completely understand.
But, times are hard - there's a lot of good hardworking people going to the wall, in your country and mine. Did they do anything 'wrong'?
Unless you have millions behind you, most of us are in struggle street.
I don't know what factor your alcoholism was, if any...but chasing things down that particular rabbit hole are just likely to make you feel worse.
I think it's much better to focus on what you achieved...and on what you hope to achieve now.
You're fit, you're young, you're in recovery, you have a wife who loves you - those are all good things.
Don't miss what might be coming up because you're smacking yourself in the head over the past
D
Last edited by Dee74; 10-08-2015 at 04:39 PM.
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
I'm a small business owner and I think your question is impossible to answer given the facts you offered. Big or small, all businesses at times have to deal with environments that are beyond their control and have a negative impact. I'm sure your decision was a difficult one, but you've also proven to yourself that you can manage a successful operation. Those skills never leave you. I wish you well in your next professional endeavor.
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Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 152
I mostly lurk, but have enjoyed your story and the progress you made.
I haven't quit yet, I drink 2-4 glasses of wine almost every night. Yea, I'm working on it. I'd say for me, my career has been quite good, but I think it could have been so much more if I didn't drink. The days I could have had been much sharper, the several times a year I call in sick vbecause I'm hung over...
Oh I have my really bad days every few months, drink to much on the weekend and don't get anything done.
Anyway, The point is that any alcohol gets in the way of us meeting our full potential, it really does.
I haven't quit yet, I drink 2-4 glasses of wine almost every night. Yea, I'm working on it. I'd say for me, my career has been quite good, but I think it could have been so much more if I didn't drink. The days I could have had been much sharper, the several times a year I call in sick vbecause I'm hung over...
Oh I have my really bad days every few months, drink to much on the weekend and don't get anything done.
Anyway, The point is that any alcohol gets in the way of us meeting our full potential, it really does.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
In retrospect, I can't think of a single instance where alcohol actually helped me. But were my problems, when they got bad, caused by alcohol?
Not at all. The real problems were caused by me, by the fact that I was an alcoholic and for many years the only way I knew how to address problems was to stay safely hidden from them underneath a bottle.
You're both lucky and admirable *now* Jeff, because you're addressing your problem with alcohol. As you gain sobriety, I have a feeling that a lot of other things will fall into place.
Not at all. The real problems were caused by me, by the fact that I was an alcoholic and for many years the only way I knew how to address problems was to stay safely hidden from them underneath a bottle.
You're both lucky and admirable *now* Jeff, because you're addressing your problem with alcohol. As you gain sobriety, I have a feeling that a lot of other things will fall into place.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,286
Jeff,
About everything I thought of in response has already been said by the others. Endings of any kind can be tough and giving yourself some time to ponder is ok. Beating yourself up over it is not ok. You'll never know the answer about alcohol's role.
Sad as it may be to finish this chapter of your life, there are many more sober chapters left to write. None of us knows what the future will hold. Be open to the universe of possible futures. Someday I'm betting that you'll look back and see the huge growth you are capable of!
About everything I thought of in response has already been said by the others. Endings of any kind can be tough and giving yourself some time to ponder is ok. Beating yourself up over it is not ok. You'll never know the answer about alcohol's role.
Sad as it may be to finish this chapter of your life, there are many more sober chapters left to write. None of us knows what the future will hold. Be open to the universe of possible futures. Someday I'm betting that you'll look back and see the huge growth you are capable of!
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Join Date: May 2015
Location: Eugene Oregon
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Originally Posted by soberwolf 
I'd say so alcohol nearly took my life as I allowed it only when I stopped could I see the wreckage of my past & start to rebuild sober
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,580
Jeff, I'm sorry about your business coming to a close. It does sound like you've done an admirable job of wrapping it up without causing harm to others -- well done.
It's hard to know what role drinking played in some of the failures in my past. The 12 steps help with this ... but outside of formally working the steps, I try hard to let go of the past and live in the present.
It's one of the gifts of sobriety ... I don't have to dwell on past failures any more.
It's hard to know what role drinking played in some of the failures in my past. The 12 steps help with this ... but outside of formally working the steps, I try hard to let go of the past and live in the present.
It's one of the gifts of sobriety ... I don't have to dwell on past failures any more.
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
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Based on everyone's responses, I think we are pretty much all on the same page. Its impossible to pinpoint why, but reflection on what has transpired has its value. I often offer the advice of "what's done is done" and "time to turn the page and start a new chapter". I need to take my own advice. The experience has given me what I believe is a PhD in the good the bad and the ugly. I've experienced them all. I certainly cannot retire, but I do plan on getting the hell out of Minnesota for 4-6 weeks and just digesting the past, and planning for the future. I haven't decided on where I will do that. It will be Florida or California.
I will add this as pure entertainment value, I have a guy helping me out until the end of the month. He's somehow related to me and is right around 44 years old. He's been through spin dry a few times, rehabbed at Hazelden once, and is still struggling a bit. Has issues. We were driving and some girl at a stoplight made a "face" at him, and he completely lost his sh*t. I almost didn't know how to handle it. I thought he was going to start kicking out windows or jump out of the truck and start beating this woman with a wrench. It was bad. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to calm him down and offer him perspective and that his reaction and behavior was not rational (yeah, the fun never ends). So yeah, this guy is basically just a drunk and has this disposition that is completely displaced and inappropriate. I wasn't sure how to deal with this as I need him until the end of October and he is family in some respect. I had ended up going back into the archives of my own life and tried to offer him some perspective on feeling like everyone is staring at you, everyone is judging you....and the only tool to deal with it is a sledge-hammer. You are mad at the world type thing. I've been there, he IS there. You guys can probably offer better input that I could, but at the moment, I just shared that he needs to develop techniques that help him deal with situations that he disagree's with or offends him. I told him he needs to focus on himself and not the immature woman making faces at him. She means nothing, his sanity does have value. I told him she needs a hug more than a beating, and he needs a hug more than his boss dumping him on the side of the road. I told him "hey, chill out, you're gonna be fine, don't let something like that rob you of all of your energy". I tried to convince him to go about his day and his life with the focus on trying to make himself better. I had moderate success, so then I went to plan B, I changed the subject....and it worked. Christ, never a dull moment.
I will add this as pure entertainment value, I have a guy helping me out until the end of the month. He's somehow related to me and is right around 44 years old. He's been through spin dry a few times, rehabbed at Hazelden once, and is still struggling a bit. Has issues. We were driving and some girl at a stoplight made a "face" at him, and he completely lost his sh*t. I almost didn't know how to handle it. I thought he was going to start kicking out windows or jump out of the truck and start beating this woman with a wrench. It was bad. I spent the next 20 minutes trying to calm him down and offer him perspective and that his reaction and behavior was not rational (yeah, the fun never ends). So yeah, this guy is basically just a drunk and has this disposition that is completely displaced and inappropriate. I wasn't sure how to deal with this as I need him until the end of October and he is family in some respect. I had ended up going back into the archives of my own life and tried to offer him some perspective on feeling like everyone is staring at you, everyone is judging you....and the only tool to deal with it is a sledge-hammer. You are mad at the world type thing. I've been there, he IS there. You guys can probably offer better input that I could, but at the moment, I just shared that he needs to develop techniques that help him deal with situations that he disagree's with or offends him. I told him he needs to focus on himself and not the immature woman making faces at him. She means nothing, his sanity does have value. I told him she needs a hug more than a beating, and he needs a hug more than his boss dumping him on the side of the road. I told him "hey, chill out, you're gonna be fine, don't let something like that rob you of all of your energy". I tried to convince him to go about his day and his life with the focus on trying to make himself better. I had moderate success, so then I went to plan B, I changed the subject....and it worked. Christ, never a dull moment.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
I think alcohol clouds reality. At 20 months sober, my perspective on alcohol's role in various disappointments or failures is different than it was when I was active in my addiction, or newly sober.
You're obviously an insightful, hard working person. Your rigorous honesty will lead you to the answers you're seeking, but you can't rush it.
Keep up the good work.
You're obviously an insightful, hard working person. Your rigorous honesty will lead you to the answers you're seeking, but you can't rush it.
Keep up the good work.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 185
Originally Posted by thomas11
The type of business I am in operates on a razor thin margin. Cash flow is the name of the game. Lots of overhead, equipment, insurance, fuel, taxes, and payroll.
My take at the moment is that it had a hand in it, but wasn't the ultimate reason..
My take at the moment is that it had a hand in it, but wasn't the ultimate reason..
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
This question reminded me of the so-called "Butterfly effect." The idea is that apparently minor changes in initial conditions (e.g., a butterfly flapping its wings) may have large and basically unpredictable consequences (e.g., the eventual creation of a hurricane). It would be impossible to trace the path backwards from the hurricane and definitively identify the impact of the butterfly wings.... Better, I guess, to accept the fact of the hurricane and make preparations for surviving it.
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