the begining ,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: new delhi
Posts: 1
the begining ,
hi guys ,
i am a 43 year old male - i'm struggling very hard with my situation ....
while i can abstain for weeks at a time - but then everytime that i do drink i end up drinking too much .....
by too much i mean i barely am able to walk back to bed , mostly get to a point where i am unable to speak before i hit the sack ....
so this happens 70% of the time that i drink , the rest of the 30% i am a little better but mostly have little memory of the evening after a certain point ....
i do not drink and drive for sure - either i cab it or my wife drives ....
all my friends drink , however even when i am out with a bunch of friends who are all drinking i am the one who drinks the most and ends up being "drunk" even compared to them who are all drinking .... and all of us are known to drink a fair bit and often ... however i am the one who most of the time would be the most drunk at the end of the evening ...
controlling the amount i drink has become a problem as i drink 14 oz or more a night every-time i drink .... coupled with the fact that i run 6-8 miles 2 or 3 times a week the alcohol has a devastating effect ...
my problem is that if i quit i will completely loose out on socializing - no one would invite me to their parties and i will have no friends or pretenses to socialize .... as all my evenings out or in are only excuses to meet friends to drink .... i have no friends who do not drink ....
moreover alcohol has taken over all my idle time - whenever i am in a situation when i see i have nothing to do - i look to start getting drunk - irrespective of the time of day ....
so if i am out on a holiday - i start with champagne or prosecco at around noon time and end the evening with vodka getting unconscious drinking .....
i take solace in the fact that i can go without weeks without a drink meet my friends from time to time and not drink even when they are - however as soon as i start there is no stopping .
so now a few incidences have happened wherein i have realized that this circle needs to stop completely - i fell asleep (because of being drunk) on the train ..... create boisterous scenes when i am drunk - not to the point of people making fun of me - although i realize that it might just be a matter of time before i hit that wall ....
i don't have the courage to say it out loud that i don't drink or i have given up drinking as i don't have conviction in my courage to pull it through and i may end up in a situation wherein people would be left with no doubt that i am totally dependent and a failiour if and when i do take it up again ....
i don't even have the courage to say i am trying to give it up for the same reason ...
one thing is for sure that if keep going as i am - i will end up embarrassing myself and my family soon ...
please guys do share with me some tips to make this a little easier ...
i am a 43 year old male - i'm struggling very hard with my situation ....
while i can abstain for weeks at a time - but then everytime that i do drink i end up drinking too much .....
by too much i mean i barely am able to walk back to bed , mostly get to a point where i am unable to speak before i hit the sack ....
so this happens 70% of the time that i drink , the rest of the 30% i am a little better but mostly have little memory of the evening after a certain point ....
i do not drink and drive for sure - either i cab it or my wife drives ....
all my friends drink , however even when i am out with a bunch of friends who are all drinking i am the one who drinks the most and ends up being "drunk" even compared to them who are all drinking .... and all of us are known to drink a fair bit and often ... however i am the one who most of the time would be the most drunk at the end of the evening ...
controlling the amount i drink has become a problem as i drink 14 oz or more a night every-time i drink .... coupled with the fact that i run 6-8 miles 2 or 3 times a week the alcohol has a devastating effect ...
my problem is that if i quit i will completely loose out on socializing - no one would invite me to their parties and i will have no friends or pretenses to socialize .... as all my evenings out or in are only excuses to meet friends to drink .... i have no friends who do not drink ....
moreover alcohol has taken over all my idle time - whenever i am in a situation when i see i have nothing to do - i look to start getting drunk - irrespective of the time of day ....
so if i am out on a holiday - i start with champagne or prosecco at around noon time and end the evening with vodka getting unconscious drinking .....
i take solace in the fact that i can go without weeks without a drink meet my friends from time to time and not drink even when they are - however as soon as i start there is no stopping .
so now a few incidences have happened wherein i have realized that this circle needs to stop completely - i fell asleep (because of being drunk) on the train ..... create boisterous scenes when i am drunk - not to the point of people making fun of me - although i realize that it might just be a matter of time before i hit that wall ....
i don't have the courage to say it out loud that i don't drink or i have given up drinking as i don't have conviction in my courage to pull it through and i may end up in a situation wherein people would be left with no doubt that i am totally dependent and a failiour if and when i do take it up again ....
i don't even have the courage to say i am trying to give it up for the same reason ...
one thing is for sure that if keep going as i am - i will end up embarrassing myself and my family soon ...
please guys do share with me some tips to make this a little easier ...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 6,831
Welcome to SR. Unfortunately you're correct in your prediction that the situation will worsen if you keep drinking. You can stop it though. Early on I didn't tell anyone I had quit either and for the same reasons you mentioned.
You'll have to make up your mind that it's best to stop and yes, it'll require some change in your social activities. True friends want the best for you and don't care if you drink or not.
Wishing you all the best!
You'll have to make up your mind that it's best to stop and yes, it'll require some change in your social activities. True friends want the best for you and don't care if you drink or not.
Wishing you all the best!
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Hi..welcome...you are in a good place...
Abstinence is what goes on here....
There are moderation sites too if that is what you want...
If you want to quit drinking that is awesome...alcohol is poisen.
If your friends don't like you because you don't drink....they are not your friends...
If you have a problem...they need to get it...they need to get on board..
sober is cool...don't believe the advertising...
Just quit...it is amazing...
Abstinence is what goes on here....
There are moderation sites too if that is what you want...
If you want to quit drinking that is awesome...alcohol is poisen.
If your friends don't like you because you don't drink....they are not your friends...
If you have a problem...they need to get it...they need to get on board..
sober is cool...don't believe the advertising...
Just quit...it is amazing...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by rajahveer 
my problem is that if i quit i will completely loose out on socializing - no one would invite me to their parties and i will have no friends or pretenses to socialize .... as all my evenings out or in are only excuses to meet friends to drink .... i have no friends who do not drink ....
Your problem is alcohol. Your problem is that you are on the rapidly-sliding downward spiral that alcoholic addiction takes us on. Your problem is perhaps, actually - a gift. Because who really wants to spend their life in a haze of falseness?
I am also 43 this month. I've experienced and been everything you describe (apart from the fact that I DID drink and drive...). I totally understand how you feel. But believe me - you will not be giving up your life or losing out on friends or socializing or any of that by not drinking. The nature of those things may change over time - but they will change for the better. All of that time spent pouring poison down you throat together is time wasted and it's part of an illusory cycle that keeps us coming back for more.
New Delhi is a wonderful place. I used to work frequently in Gurgaon. There are many non-drinkers in India. There are many, MANY alternatives to drinking alcohol.
What you need to do is shift your focus from what you feel you are "losing" to all the amazing things you stand to gain.
Get yourself connected with people who don't drink.
Go to AA and get started.
AA India : Location & Meetings
The relationship you describe having with alcohol is misery. Why would you want misery? Life is not misery. Life is a beautiful, blessed gift with a million million other experiences to offer apart from alcohol. Haven't you experienced enough of alcohol by now?
If you're lucky, your life isn't quite half over yet.
What would you like the next half to be?
It's your choice.
Welcome
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
When I first and finally got sober I had many fears regarding not drinking and my loses due to stopping.
The biggest true fear was not realized for awhile because my feeling was alcohol was my friend. Needless to say I was under the haze of alcoholic thinking.
Alcohol I find out is a toxic substance that takes away families, health, finances, soul, jobs and IF we live makes life extremely miserable.
The advantage of not drinking far outweighs drinking but it’s not an overnight fix if we are alcoholic which I found difficult to accept until I became honest with myself about my drinking and took action steps of work and change continually to recover.
Alcoholism is very progressive, alcohol for us is powerful, baffling, cunning.
BE WELL
When I first and finally got sober I had many fears regarding not drinking and my loses due to stopping.
The biggest true fear was not realized for awhile because my feeling was alcohol was my friend. Needless to say I was under the haze of alcoholic thinking.
Alcohol I find out is a toxic substance that takes away families, health, finances, soul, jobs and IF we live makes life extremely miserable.
The advantage of not drinking far outweighs drinking but it’s not an overnight fix if we are alcoholic which I found difficult to accept until I became honest with myself about my drinking and took action steps of work and change continually to recover.
Alcoholism is very progressive, alcohol for us is powerful, baffling, cunning.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome to SR, Rajahveer. 
I cannot moderate either, though I've tried. I was good in social situations. If I was driving, I didn't drink. If I had a driver, it was only 1 or two. It's when I was home with Hubby or alone that I kept drinking.
I echo the opinion of others here throughout the forum that others don't really care whether or not you drink. In one instance last year, my husband and I were having dinner with another couple. Upon entering, they asked us if we wanted a drink. I merely said, "No thanks. I'm good". They were okay with that and moved on to my husband. Hubby took the drink and then said, "Rar is a teetotaler". I don't know why he felt he need to offer that. At he time, I thought maybe Hubby was embarrassed that I wasn't drinking.
I cannot moderate either, though I've tried. I was good in social situations. If I was driving, I didn't drink. If I had a driver, it was only 1 or two. It's when I was home with Hubby or alone that I kept drinking. I echo the opinion of others here throughout the forum that others don't really care whether or not you drink. In one instance last year, my husband and I were having dinner with another couple. Upon entering, they asked us if we wanted a drink. I merely said, "No thanks. I'm good". They were okay with that and moved on to my husband. Hubby took the drink and then said, "Rar is a teetotaler". I don't know why he felt he need to offer that. At he time, I thought maybe Hubby was embarrassed that I wasn't drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,386
Hi and welcome rajahveer
I've never been to India, but like FreeOwl says, and my friends can also vouch for - there are many non drinkers in India
Yeah, you'll probably have to make some changes to your lifestyle and your idea of what fun is - and you may even have to change who you have that fun with...but it sounds like a change is maybe just what you need?
D
I've never been to India, but like FreeOwl says, and my friends can also vouch for - there are many non drinkers in India
Yeah, you'll probably have to make some changes to your lifestyle and your idea of what fun is - and you may even have to change who you have that fun with...but it sounds like a change is maybe just what you need?
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome to SR. The starting point is deciding you cannot drink and will not drink, no matter what. That you can't safely have even one. For me, it was the first drink that got me drunk because one always led to many more.
It does require change. Different ways of socializing. I have more friends that mean more to me now that I'm not drinking. Friends that support me, no matter what.
Keep coming back. Read and learn.
It does require change. Different ways of socializing. I have more friends that mean more to me now that I'm not drinking. Friends that support me, no matter what.
Keep coming back. Read and learn.
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