sydneyman

I blew it in January after a minth of being sober.. Here I go again today is day 2 and I want to succeed this time. Have had a lot on my plate with mum getting worse woth ALS dis liking my job (lucky I have one)..
Turned the big 50 just over a week ago and thats what made me hink I really need to get my stuff together.. So had a my last deunk weekend and back in recovery mode..SR was my rock last time so I am here again for support.. Feel like a loser that I couldnt make it... I thought moderation would be possible, well it wasnt and I have to accept that I have to keep the wine on a shop shelf and not at home.. My partner was angry with me on Sunday throuhg out all booze.. Best thing he did.
That was my rant ..

Tooshabby

Great you are back, Sydneyman. I don't know how many times I tested out the 'moderation theory', as if was ever going to work for me. I've relapsed since joining this site, but having stuck around for 2 or 3 months I now feel stronger than ever in my resolve after 15 years of binge drinking. You can do it!

sydneyman

Thanks for the encouraging words tooshabby..been a binge drinker for 20 years, cask wine is my choice (was) .. Soo dangerous as I never knew how much I was drinking!!! When I was aober for a month I felt so good,clear headed, lost weight and had a no fights with partner.. I felt inner peace in away.. But at the same time I saw people having fun with a drink in their hand.. I felt I was missing out!!!! At 50
Perphaps I just need to grow up!!! I want to do this for all the above reasons as I want that inner peace back.. Have irritability sleep really bad and grumpy.. I know it will pass but weekend is around the corner and it will be my first big test...

Tooshabby

Yep, I get it. I'm 50 next birthday and I think I just grew up on this front finally myself. I know my partner is very, very happy about that. Don't want to put him through more of my drunken stupidity. I'm taking the inner peace over the 'fun' now. So much misery came with the 'fun' anyway. So not worth it. Stick close to SR :-)

snoopdoggypug

welcome back! day 2 here too, lets do this

sydneyman

A deal snoop!!!!

PurpleKnight

9 Months is no small task, in that time you would have learnt a few things, developed a few tools, and strengthened a few Sober muscles.

Apply that new found acceptance on moderation and you'll be well under way.

You can do this!!

entropy1964

Welcome back Sydney....I'm 50 as well.

Soberwolf

Welcome bk

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, sydneyman; I am sorry that you mother is suffering withALS; that's an insidious disease; it must be hard for you to watch her suffer.

Glad to hear that you are giving sobriety another go. Give it all you've got; you are worth it.

sydneyman

another restless sleep,, I know from past that it will get easier. Day 3 today, such small baby steps but have a clearer head today...I am so glad to be back, Special Hi to Purpleknight, Soberwolf and Soberleigh you were there for me last time. Lets hope I can go all the way this time!!!
I must say that I gave up sugar about 10 days ago and I have not had real cravings for alcohol?? I know the big test is this weekend as it is my first week end without alcohol for 9 months,,This is when I used to binge, usually start with Friday after work drinks occasional joint and then be that hungover that I would need a hair of a dog at dawn, be drunk by 10 have a "nap"get up early afternoon and start again. Sunday morning repeat of Saturday!!!!! Monday morning so hungover heart palpitations, sweating, blood shot eyes ,anxiety attacks etc....I DO NOT WANT this anymore. I want inner peace and be "normal"..

Dee74

do you have any kind of a plan sydneyman?

this is a great link for devising a recovery plan according to your needs:
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

D

sydneyman

Dee I am planning to checkin on SR several times, take cat to vet and go to dentist, shopping and beach... Need to busy my self.. Just need to stay positive and look forward to Monday..

thomas11

Hi Sydney, I applaud you for coming back. As long as you keep trying, you are still in the fight. Its when we don't get back up after being knocked down is where the real trouble begins. You said something like "perhaps I just need to grow up". That really resonates with me. I recently turned 48, and realized that, yes, its time to grow up. It feels good.

sugarbear1

Glad you returned!

I began to rebuild my life at 50 and over 4 years later, it's fabulous!

sydneyman

Yes I think turning 50 really does put things in perspective.. If I want a few more decades I need to really start making changes.. I been drunk since I was 18!!! As I say I went to party and havent gone home.. I am
Now on my way home!!!I am not into AA for personal reasons but could not do this without all you people here.. We live a life hiding out addictions from people on a daily basis.. Here I can be true to myself and get the help/advice/support that is my AA.. Thank you all for the support.. I am going to write daily here to be able to get all the way.. Last time my big mistake was to have 1 beer at xmas,, a week later it was back to litres of wine a day.. Have I learnt from that, yes I have but saying to myself Mr you can not drink ever again is very scary.. I feel that I am missing out but really what am I missing out on?? Nothing at all.. Why do we have to be bombarded with advertisments that having fun and being happy = you need alcohol!!!!

Dropsie

Sydney,

I have been exactly where you are. exactly.

I have made a plan around inner peace, and I give myself peace points when I do things to promote peace, take them away when I do things to destroy it, and have to break the bank if I drink. And the bank was hard to build.

Sounds silly (and I am five years older than you), but the focus on how important inner peace is really helps. At least for me.

It was painful for me to realise and ACCEPT that even though I could abstain, I could never drink and have inner peace -- that boat has left the dock. One drink and the worry and self loathing gears up to high -- not that it ever goes away, at least not yet.

And real peace of mind would be amazing -- not sure I will ever get there, but at least I have a goal now.

Go for it, you can do this.

Dropsie

PS. I got 10 years on you -- party lasted from 13 to 55, so it can be done, as you know from your own experience....

Dee74

Do take a look at that link I posted Sydneyman - it's not about getting you into AA or any other group and it's not about doing anything you don't want to do - but it will help you work out your strengths and weaknesses and make a recovery plan tailored to your needs

D

sydneyman

Dee ,, thank you I did.. very helpful