Berrybean

Hi KMallet. Welcome to SR.

If, no matter what your intentions to only have a few, things can easily get out of hand, that can be a sign. But then, for some people that is the case and they might only drink 3 times a year, in which case alcohol is not messing up their lives.

Mickey Bush (on an AA Speaker recording I heard) describes an alcoholic as someone whose perception of themselves and reality is changed when they drink. And that was true of me. No matter how drab and boring and grey I felt when I walked in the pub, give me some whiskies or cider and instantly I felt...no...mentally transformed, into a different person. To coin another MB phrase I was altogether 'witter; prettier; and tittier'. Men that would never have caught my sober eye could also be transformed: suddenly they could become completely irresistable. Problems that had seemed insurmountable when I walked in, were suddenly of little consequence. People, places and events that would terrify the sober me? Well, they were a doddle when I was pissed. The world became lovelier. And I (in my head anyway) did as well. As did all my drinking buddies. And it was quite a wrench to turn my back on that world of loveliness, even if it was false and transient. Like turning my back on a glamour (in the archaic sense of the word): or an enchantment.

I took the test on the AA website, which helped me understand quite what an impact my drinking was having on my whole existence. Well, actually I took the test. Then decided it must be a bunch of arse, and that AA WOULD say that, wouldn't they?! They just want more people to join. Haha. So I did some other online quizzes and got a bit more cross about it all for a bit. Then I realised that with every test I took, and question I answered, the same things kept coming up. I started to see how misery-making alcohol was for me (unless I was actually drinking it at that point in time). How many of my decisions were based around drinking (for example, I realised that I had been emotionally unavailable to pretty much all the people who loved me, and who I loved, if seeing them would disrupt my drinking. That's pretty negative, don't you think. And the 'funny' thing was that I'd even managed to form resentments about how THEY treated ME. Crazy thinking). The impact financially. The impact on my work. The impact on the way I felt about myself. The impact on my home and how I lived - my house was a hovel. Anyway - all that seemed to start making more sense than comparing how many drinks I took or how many days a week I went for it. (This was the original quiz thing I took... Alcoholics Anonymous : Is A.A. For You? Twelve questions only you can answer).

One thing worth taking into consideration while deciding whether you 'need' to, or 'should' stop drinking, is the progressive nature of alcoholism. It might well be that you haven't lost you self-respect; children; partner; job; friends; driving licence YET. But people don't tend to start drinking less over time. It gets heavier and more destructive in such a gradual all all-encompassing way, that we don't even see it happening.

I found Bellamiaa's thread (yesterday) about us people who haven't, it seems, hit a rock bottom yet really interesting. I'm putting the link here for you, as I know that it would have been useful to me 19 months ago when I was asking the same questions as you are now. Apologies if you've already seen it. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ck-bottom.html

Take care. And keep posting and asking questions. The help and support that is available from the people on here is quite amazing.

Again. Welcome to SR.

Nonsensical

Welcome to SR!

I've never really been sure, but I've also never met anyone who asked that question who didn't have a problem with alcohol. What's yours?

Soberwolf

I knew I was alcoholic for the last 3 months of drinking as I couldn't stop I could have I had every reason to stop I was a runaway train the state I was in was awful

that was almost 27 months ago one of the best decisions I've ever made in life was sobering up & staying sober

SportsFan15

There's probably a word in cyberspeak for what I'm about to do....kinda take over.....but I HAVE to say to the OP and everyone: it's changed my sobriety to read how many of us share the exact same experiences.

I felt so alone until SR. It's a game changer.

For example, I cannot agree more with Beccybean on all of this...


Ditto ditto ditto on all of this!

And for the OP, let me add:

Kindling: (Google "kindling alcoholism") in regards to what Beccybean mentioned about the progressive nature of the problem. I experienced kindling first hand....Each time I would quit and restart, the intensity and speed at which things would get out of control at each restart would get worse and worse. By the end it was as if I would approach a flight of stairs and choose to throw myself down, an immediate downfall with NO enjoyment of drinking.

The day I realized it doesn't matter if I meet "the criteria" for alcoholism, I want this out of my life.....that was a glorious day!!!!

leviathan

I told myself drinking was an addition to my life, an enhancement or comfort. I put up with the increasing side effects and damage. Then I got intervened on by my employer (read FIRED).

So, I went sober from alcohol and other drugs to make everyone happy and also prove I could. I still didn't "know".

Then, to my surprise, every aspect if my life started improving. I was able to be present, confident and at relative peace. Without taking or drinking anything! I found out I was actually an ok guy instead of the bitter, defeated character I was used to playing.

I looked around...and I knew.

I don't really like any labels, but I know that going back to drinking alcohol has about as much promise as drinking bleach for me. It poisons my soul, and is a dangerous waste of my precious time.

helpimalive

You're already running one test of whether you're "an alcoholic" that I personally found useful: Reading and posting here.

I found that in discovering just how similar so many of my experiences were with the wide range of otherwise disparate people on this site, it became a lot easier to also accept that what they're all doing to improve their lives (quitting entirely) really could help me too.

So read around here a while and see if you see yourself in other people's stories, maybe. That could help.

Also, welcome to the site.

escapist

I never learned to cope with the disappointment life brings to everyone of us. I think there was just too much of it before I was mature enough to handle it .
I always run to escape pain. Alcohol has numbing properties. Once I take the first gulp , I become completely dysfunctional. Staying numb consumes all of my energy. It is the biggest part of my life. I am having some hard challenges right now and I find myself wishing I wasn't feeling so scared. The environment is ripe for drinking. I have been sober for almost 3 years and yet I still think about drinking. This must be alcoholism.

kmallet

Okay so I am just now seeing all these replies! Is there a way for this site to email me an alert when someone replies to a post? I was thinking that no one had even responded at all, lol. Anyway - THANK YOU for all the kind and well thought out responses! Basically what is happening with me is that while I've always liked feeling the effects of alcohol, mainly because I have anxiety problems and alcohol (in the moment) makes me feel sooooo much better, my consumption has ramped up since I had my second child (read: life is stressful with two young kids!!). I make the excuse - man, the kids are driving me nuts today, I deserve to drink tonight. I could easily drink every night, and sometimes do, but try to not do that. Also what has been happening lately is that once I start drinking, I drink a lot and more than I used to. My tolerance has increased as well. But I drink enough to feel more than buzzed. And I find I'm just craving it more, thinking about it, letting that thought of - just need to make it to 5:00 and then I can relax and drink. And while I am drinking, the kids are so much easier to handle, I'm more laid back, I have more fun, etc. I just love it.

In addition to all of this....my husband of 14 years grew up with a seriously alcoholic father, who died at age 58, in large part due to the alcoholism and generally unhealthy lifestyle. So my husband has a LOT of baggage and feelings surrounding alcohol and HATES it when I overdrink. He's okay with drinking, just not getting drunk. So this has been a long standing problem throughout our entire relationship. So yes, alcohol causes problems in my life mainly in my marriage. My husband hating it has not been enough to make me quit. I have quit entirely at times just to go back to it eventually.

Thoughts?

Berrybean

Hi - it takes sometime to get used to all the settings et on here (or any forum).

At the top of the screen there is a dark grey bar going across (2nd grey line down on mine). The far left option is 'User CP' (User control panel). Click on that to get a drop down menus and select 'Edit Options' Once on there scroll down til you get to 'Default Thread Subscription Mode', and select 'Instant Email Notification' from the drop down menu on there.

Hope that makes more sense than it just seemed to me as I typed it.

Berrybean

And I'd say that if it's easier to stop than moderate, and drinking causes issues in your relationship, you probably already know the answer x

SportsFan15

In addition to what Beccybean said I'll ask:

What do you think? Is drinking a problem in your life?

Save yourself the hassle of analyzing "how bad" it is and "am I an alcoholic"....that cost me a few extra years of denial/wasted time drinking.

Just ask yourself is it a problem in my life.

BixBees505

Good luck, kmallet. SR gave me the overwhelming sense of recognition (oh yeah, that's me, ooo yes) in the plethora of stories and vignettes that I can truly relate to. I don't have to twist my mind around stories that are too different for my comfort. There are plenty here who are EXACTLY like me.

I don't care whether I do or don't fit any definition. Just don't care. I know I want and need to stop...because whether an alkie or not...these would be my exact words... 'I couldn't make it work for me. It no longer "enhanced" my life.'

SportsFan15

Love this, BixBees!!! So true!!!

Fly N Buy

When I started to experience increasingly negative consequences from drinking and I was spiritually and morally bankrupt I knew something had to change. I tried to moderate for years - quite during the week - only drink beer/wine off price - only drink on special occasions. I could not.

When the switch was flipped the off switch was broken. Some control at times - but generally all in when alcohol was around.

It's not how much you drink it's how you drink when you do consume alcohol.

Glad you're here

tomsteve

glad yer here,kmallet.
imo, determining whether or not youre an alcoholic before making a decision to do something about tne problem drinking could cause ya to sink further.

it can be as simple as saying,"i dont know and dont care if im an alcoholic, but im posting on a site on the www called "soberrecovery" so theres a lot of problems alcohol is causing and i want to stop drinking."

i hope ya want to stop drinking and learn some tools how to do that. its an awesome community here.

Elseware

Kmallet, Hi. I worried on this question while in hindsight my life slowly went down. I lost respect for myself by the time I finally did quit. I finally had to bite the bullet and just quit one day. It was hard and I had to learn some new social skills but once I made up my mind I did it. It was not easy and it took taking a hard line with myself. But I was able to do it. Part of me being ABLE to stop was I didn't wait until I was laying in the gutter drunk before I quit.

After I did quit I realized just how much of a toll drinking WAS taking on my life. That's when I knew that I was indeed an alcoholic.

I'm not meaning to paint a big picture of fortitude here. I went from drinking to taking a little Vicodin to taking a lot of Vicodin and while quitting that I started some Valium. Now I'm free but it's been a long road. I'm lucky to be still going. Don't go the way I went. Just stop doing all of it. Don't waste time on labels. Just look at your life. You know what's happening deep in your heart. I know I did.

BringingBackB

I knew when I realised that I would do pretty much anything to get drunk each night. I would avoid people / gatherings so I could drink on my own.

I did it for another 4 years before I did something about it though.

As others have said, the fact that you are posting here is a good sign, but ultimately, it's down to you. What I did learn from my early time here is that it is possible to pull ourselves back from the brink of oblivion. All we need is a good solid plan that we stick to day in, day out.

Dee74

You can also just go to thread tools at the top of the thread you're in and subscribe to it from there

as for thoughts - seems like you have a number of very valid reasons to quit - regardless of what label you want to use for the problem, it sounds like it needs addressing?

D

blueberry2015

For me I had questioned time and time again whether I was an alcoholic or not, spoke to friends who convinced me no. i tried moderation, cutting right back, half arsed attempts to quit and when I did Id get the shakes and hot sweats. Then the hangovers just rolled into constant withdrawal. I wasn't eating, the very little I did eat I brought back up. I was throwing up daily, had to take Imodium to get me through the day at work. I kept getting more and more black outs. Thats when I knew. Tbh, i knew I had a problem years and years before just never labelled myself as an alkie. Tbh no one can say to you yes or no your an alcoholic, if you think you have a problem with alcohol, nip it in the bud NOW because alas... It only gets worse and worse and when it really hits, it hits so bloody fast without you realising it too. X Dont be fooled by "well im not that bad so I can't be" thats what I did and look what happened to me!!! Do yourself the biggest favour of your life if you think you have a problem then the chances are you do, stopping would be the way to go