Ohme

Today is my day 3 and I will keep posting all of my days on here so as not to make a new thread every day. Day 3 in my experience isn't usually too bad with regards to cravings, anxiety and depression although it is a Tuesday and typically I do get a bottle of wine Tuesday nights after yoga.
I wanted to try to be as honest as I can be as I have had some stumbles with posting on SR and not being as committed as I thought I would be. I also posted that this was going to be a 30 day dry month but because of some very kind words from the people here I decided that would extend until Christmas where I can re-evaluate and maybe extend at that time. This could mean I go right back to where I am now or worse or it could mean I successfully moderate or it could mean that I am a person who really doesn't want alcohol in her life. I really don't know where this will lead me. I'm not doing this just to go back to my old way of being. I plan of creating distance to some of the unhealthier people in my life, learning about self care and coping with my sadness and anxiety by other means.
This is my first experience with any kind of soberness for any meaningful length of time since I was about 17-18. Like I said in my previous post, I went about 6 days last time until I had a wedding and then just stopped bothering. When I am away from SR my AV really does say "Those people are crazy you probably shouldn't talk to them". I did a lot of reading about my AV and I realized that it just keeps getting louder and louder.
I don't think I am a person who has the tools to live sober yet since both of my parents were addicts and when there was sad times they always just let us drink or gave us treats to cope. It is just how I cope with everything now, good bad and ugly.
Sorry for a wall of text... I just want to be as honest as I can be and I want to post here daily until Christmas. Those are my only goals today. I also will be posting tonight since nights are the hardest for me for obvious reasons.
Until then,

ZeldaFan

Hi Ohme. For me, it was always the 72 hour mark where things started to get harder for a few days. The AV would get louder and the anxiety and urges came back. I found if I could double that time, it slowly started moving in the other direction. I also read "Rational Recovery: The New Cure for Substance Addiction" and it really helped me get a better understanding of my AV. May be worth a read while you are on your sober journey to help you decide what you really want to do.

Kp1286

I'm on day two. I was sober for about six days straight until this weekend. I convinced myself I could have a few drinks on Friday night and that led to a bottle. Keep trying it is really hard. Don't fall for a drink lIke I did.

PurpleKnight

Day 3 is fantastic!! You can do this!!

BixBees505

Good work!!! I agree with Zelda..."always the 72 hour mark where things started to get harder for a few days. The AV would get louder and the anxiety and urges came back. " It will get better soon!

entropy1964

Hi Ohme

Since you're a yogi you know about mindfulness. It is an excellent way to 'be' with respect to recovery as well. Just stay in this moment. I am constanting thinking....but not the healthy stuff. I'm always regretting something, worrying about something, negative self talk. Mindfulness helps me shut that off. I just observe what I'm feeling and what is around me. This moment is all I have.

I came from a very dysfuntional family as well. No coping skills and very little sense of self. For me drinking stalls any forward movement or emotional development. I have also noticed that even after a good stretch of sober time, if I start drinking again I revert back...its like being sent back to go in Monopoly...or jail..

Soberwolf

Dee74

Hi Ohme

I probably am crazy but talk to me anyway

Congrats on your sober time

D

Ohme

Hahaha I think we are all a little crazy. Thanks, that made me smile. I'm doing my evening check in and I'm feeling crappy as I expected. I feel like a waste of time and space. I feel like all my friends hate my or worse never think of me. I'm trying my best in life but failing over and over. I'm sitting outside the drugstore and I'm gonna go in and buy some pudding and tea. For some reason I can seem to get enough food. Not like compulsive eating but like I'm so hungry. I missed yoga, I couldn't find my mat and then I was frustrated and it is weirdly a trigger sometimes so I skipped it. (I think because I want a reward after). Plus my friend told me she was at another friends kids bday party this weekend and I wasn't invited and I don't know why? I feel like I have some growing up to do. Anyways thanks for listening and sorry if that was boring.

Ohme

Just checking in for day 4... Had a rough night last night but chocolate helped me get through. Now I'm in the thick of the hard days. Feeling hopeful this morning.

ZeldaFan

Congratulations on making day 4! It will be tough for a few days and you will likely be edgy but stick with it. The easier days will start coming soon. That's when the real work begins to keep a watchful eye on complacency.

JD4010

I had to beat down my beast with a baseball bat last night. It was really raging.

One thing I think about is how the idea of drinking makes it seem like it will be fun, but once I uncork that bottle, things go black. The next day, I can't remember any of the "fun" I supposedly had, and I feel like absolute sh!t on top of it.

The beast is a very crafty liar.

Soberwolf

Your doing fantastic

ZeldaFan

So true! The beast really does try to convince your intelligent part of the brain that good times are ahead. You just have to outsmart it and recognize that is far from the truth. Good times technically are ahead - for a very brief window of time. Followed by a long stretch of really not good times. Not worth it!