ppatterson

Well here I am again. Two years since my 2nd DUI and I'm still drinking. The amount that I'm drinking has increased. Six beers is a minimum in a day. Usually 10-12 and on days off of work can get near 20 or more. I got a prescription for Campral from my Dr. about a year ago. It's suppose to help the craving for the beer. It helped a little but I still choose to not take it. I tried not drinking this week. After drinking almost a case on Sunday I felt horrible Monday morning. So I didn't drink Monday or Tuesday. However I went back to drinking on Wednesday. Saturday I didn't drink either. I spent most of the day with my wife and couldn't really drink until I got home that night around 8pm. No cold beer so I went to bed early. Drinking helps me to sleep. The nights I didn't drink I had a hard time getting to sleep and staying asleep. However, after two days of not drinking I started to feel better. Aches and pains lessened. I'm a very confused person. I don't see my self as I am. I feel like a person that has it under control. I know I'm just fooling myself. I need to seek a conselor or something but I don't have the money for it. I want to get back to normal. I'm not even sure if I know what normal is anymore. I've considered giving up. My kids are why I'm still here. Too big a coward to do that anyways. I'm one more DUI away from my life coming unraveled and it doesn't stop me. I guess I've been getting away with it for so long I keep doing it. I just don't know what's going to make me change. I keep hoping for a sign. Anything. Something's got to change.

tomsteve

ppatterson, another dui wont make your life unravel. reread what ya typed and youll see it already is.
the sign youre lookin for is that youre here on a forum for recovery. if you want to get out of the insanity of alcoholism, yup, something has to change and that something is you.
i hope you decide to be willing to do whatever is necessary to get sober. theres different programs to help and lots of support.

and your worth whatever footwork is necessary to get and stay sober

ScottFromWI

Welcome back to SR ppatterson, sorry to hear you are still drinking. I had a similar drinking pattern to you, plenty of beer after work until I passed out for the night and all day long on weekends/days off.

What kind of sign would you like to wait for? You've been given a lot of them already in my estimation, a DUI is one for sure. How about the fact that you have taken the effort to post on a sobriety forum...isn't that a sign too?

The symptoms you saw ( insomnia, etc ) are very common when quitting but they do abate. And as far as alcohol "helping you sleep"...I think you know the exact opposite is really true.

Your last statement is "Something's got to change". You are right..and that something is you. You've got to take the step and admit that alcohol is a problem and then do something about it.

There are lots of free resources or reduced cost ones for someone in your situation. AA is free and available virtually anywhere. SR is a 24/7 support community that you can learn a great deal from. I would guess there is a municipal alcohol/drug rehab center in your area that would have a lot of resources as well.

Hope we can help you make the decision to quit and give you the support to stay that way.

doggonecarl

Posting to a site called SOBER RECOVERY is the sign!

Change is up to you. Start with accepting you can never drink again and quit.

One simple action.

Then start building on that with a plan to affirm and support the decision to quit.

PurpleKnight

When I stopped looking for signs to change and started actually changing something about my activities, my routines, my habits, getting proactive to create a Sober lifestyle, that's when change finally happened!!

Hoping or wishful thinking never worked, I needed to start making decisions to make Sobriety a reality!!

You can do this, but nothing change is nothing changes!!

Ohme

Keep working at it, no matter how many times you fail. Even if you mess it up 1000 times. Go to AA, therapy, SR, everything. Throw everything at it. Just keep trying and trying.
I'm not an expert on getting sober to be sure, but I do know that stopping trying is the fastest way to fail.

Soberwolf

Having a plan is a must in my book you can do this

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tml?styleid=93

Nonsensical

You actually DO know. You just have a voice in your head that keeps talking you out of it. I have one of those voices, too. It's a liar and a thief. It would kill me if I let it.

For 25 years the alcoholic living in my head told me I should wait for that magic lightening bolt to hit me and miracle my butt sober. Drink up, Nonsensical, one day the lightening will strike, and you won't be thirsty anymore. It never came.

I've been doing much better since I stopped taking advice from a liar.

You can do this! Rootin' for ya!

Anna

I hope you decide to make the change you need in your life.

Are you ready to give sobriety a chance? We are here for support.

Dee74

Welcome back pp

we have to make ourselves change I think - waiting for an event is risky - some of us never even make it to that point.

Some part of you clearly wants to change or you wouldn't be here

I think it's a good idea to work out what you're prepared to do - all the way from posting here, through seeing your Dr or a counsellor, through AA or some other meeting based recovery group...all the way through to inpatient or outpatient rehab.

Whatever you can attempt now without freaking out and running away is a good place to start?

D

thomas11

hi ppaterson, I have no magical words of wisdom. I would recommend the following: Go back and read each post prior to this one, every single one of them. They are all 100% accurate, true and helpful. Hell, I'd even print em out.

FreeOwl

hey man... I've been to Lapeer... hell, I've been DRUNK in Lapeer...

Here in MI, a third DUI can land you a felony prison hitch.

I'm pretty sure you don't want that.

You obviously want to stop... why the heck else would you be here?

Start Now

ppatterson

Well a couple of days after my last post my wife came to me. She asked if I had been drinking while driving again. I told her yes. She was very upset. I continued to drink for a couple of days then quit. I now realize that I cannot drink and drive or I will end up losing everything. Today I have been sober for 15 days. I may not quit for life. However, I won't drink and drive anymore.

JD

Good job pp. But do seriously consider quitting for ever. Most of have tried the "maybe I can moderate" or "I won't drive drunk" It doesn't work. You'll end up right where you were before you quit.

soberclover

Congrats on your 15 days sober! What I was scared about was that I was a blackout drinker. Over time my drinking continued to damage that part of the brain where memories are stored and happen....the hippocampus. The reality for me was that it didn't take a lot of alcohol for me to blackout. When I was in a blackout I was capable of doing anything....especially making the decision to drink and drive. I was glad that the last day of my drinking put me in intensive care at the hospital instead of someone else.

I totally respect your decision to not drink and drive. I just know that my mind when I drank; I didn't make logical, rational, well-thought out decisions.

Congratulations again on your 15 days...that is such a great accomplishment!

Anna

I hope you continue to stay sober, but I'm glad you are not drinking and driving anymore.

Carver

That old AV already giving you permission to drink again at some point in the future...tell it to shut the hell up!

15 days is huge, congratulations!!