SusanE

Thank you for having me back after so many years. I was the one who drank nothing during the week, two glasses of wine on Sunday, and whatever she wanted on Friday and Saturday. I'd give anything to go back to being her. I've had long periods of sobriety, good and bad times, a couple of bad falls and too many black outs to shake a stick at. I wouldn't bore or bug you with all this, but something new is happening.

My sons moved out of home, and I had a serious illness (nothing to do with alcohol.) Before that, I was enjoying life, exercising much of the day, and having two small drinks with my husband before dinner. Then, post-op, I was alone all day and, when my husband came home, I was ready for a few drinks. Some days, I had hangovers and let myself have a single drink for lunch. Until recently, I could count those days on one hand.
I used to tell my husband that drinking in the daytime would be the ultimate fail
, unless we went out for lunch. Guess what? How about drinking for breakfast? Anything wrong with a Bloody, an eye-opener?
Yesterday, my husband came to pick me up for an important appointment. He canceled it because he didn't want me to embarrass myself. Shame, shame, shame. I came here today because I'm sick of lying. Lying to my dentist, my neighbors, my doctors and I need to tell some truth. Also, I was hoping you could keep me away from that Bloody Mary. What's happening to me ?

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, SusanE; nice to meet you.

It seems that you have been experiencing the progressive nature of alcoholism; the rate of the slide down the slippery slope seems to vary from person to person but, no matter the rate, it always gets worse for us alcoholics.

The only things that works for me (and the vast and overwhelming majority of us) is total and complete abstinence. An amazing thing happened when I came to that conclusion; I got sober and I loved it. Still loving it.

Hope you do, too.

ScottFromWI

Welcome back Susan!

My guess is that nothing different is happening to you, but that you are an alcoholic and haven't accepted that yet. Over the years our drinking does get worse and things we never did before ( or said we'd never do ) like drinking in the morning, drinking at work, drinking and driving, etc become acceptable to us. The bad news is that it always gets worse, never better.

The good news is that there is a 100% effective solution at the waiting if you should choose to accept it. I hope we can help you do so.

leviathan

Alcohol creates a desire and then a need for more alcohol. Don't dwell on the shame. This is just what this drug does.

Seems like you are dealing with it head-on!

If you're in the mood for some quick easy reading that speaks directly to your question, check out Alan Carr's "Alcohol Lied To Me". it's not the be-all end-all of recovery, but was the perfect start for me.

Anna

Hi Susan,

Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will continue to worsen unless you stop drinking. Are you ready to make the commitment to live a sober life? It's not easy, but it will be worth it.

Berrybean

Welcome back SusanE.

It all sounds pretty familiar. Do you think you are ready to embark on the next phase of your life, as a phase of sobriety and recovery? It is possible. And there is so much support out there for us all.

Good luck

SusanE

I'm so afraid. How can things happen so quickly?

SusanE

No, but please stay with me.

SusanE

No. But please don't leave me.

firstymer

SusanE, for what it is worth, when I was drinking heavily, I was ALWAYS scared and anxious. Since getting sober, the crippling anxiety has all but disappeared. So, if I was you, I would be more fearful of drinking than stopping.

This quote seems applicable to your situation: Nothing changes if nothing changes, and if I keep doing what I've always done, I'll keep getting what I've always got, and will keep feeling what I always felt.

Good luck. I am glad you are here with us.

Madmartigan

Reading this thread reminded me of a friend of my fathers. Not sure why but I'll share and maybe somebody will get something from it. It relates to the progressive nature of alcohol. So this guy is very successful. Happily married with children, lots of money, friends, etc ... never had any of the "rock bottom" stuff happen to him. For all intents and purposes alcohol never negatively impacted his life that I know of. He's in his late 50'S early 60'S now. I was visiting my father not to long ago and asked how his friend was doing. He told me he didn't know as they don't really see each other anymore. He told me that his friend can't function without alcohol anymore. This provoked a lot of thought about alcohol for me. The conclusions I came too were this. No matter who you are, if you drink enough for long enough it WILL catch up with you. In this gentleman's case he it took until almost retirement age for it to catch up with him. It only took me till my early 30'S for it to catch up to me. But the bottom line is that regardless of age, amount drank, socioeconomic status etc ... one thing is inevitable, it will catch up with you.

ZeldaFan

Well said. For me, I was the same. It really started to catch up with me in my early 30s. My body just couldn't take it anymore at that point. Everyone is different but eventually that tipping point happens and you know in your heart it's time to really get serious about this problem.

ScottFromWI

It's just part of alcoholism/addiction unfortunately. My drinking was excessive and caused problems for me for most of my drinking years, but the last year things got WAY worse all of a sudden too. Being afraid is a good thing...it's your body and mind telling you that you need to stop.

Tooshabby

Do you know what it is that is causing you to resist the idea of giving up drinking, Susan? We are with you, have no fear of abandonment here :-)

Nonsensical

Same thing that happened to me.

Changing can be difficult. Not changing can be fatal.

The good news is you're about to win the lottery, and all it costs you is not drinking.

You can do this.

FreeOwl

sounds to me like you're experiencing the terrible stuff that starts to happen once you've passed into the point of the downward spiral with addiction....

I've been there too. It seemed to come on out of the blue.

In the rearview mirror and with the benefit of some significant sober time, I can see that it has been a gradual decline all along.

You can change this, though. You can have a much better life by embracing sobriety.

JD4010

Oh, heck yes. I drank myself stupid morning, noon and night. I'd have several black outs per week.

Becoming sober is as easy as saying "I will never drink again", according to the Addictive Voice Recognition Technique (AVRT). You begin to see yourself as something other than the "inner beast" that wants to drink. It makes sense to me; have a look at the Rational Recovery website.

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you Susan

Dee74

HI Susan

Like others have said - it's the progressive nature of alcoholism - I know it's scary and the speed is terrifying...but you're not alone.

We all understand and we have your back here.

It's going to be ok - the first step tho is putting down the drink.

Do you feel like you need help with that part? Could you see a Dr for instance?

D

breath

"I'm so afraid. How can things happen so quickly?"

It's a disease, we need to define it that way and treat it that way; as a cancer victim, kidney..any disease must treat the symptoms recognizing there is no 'cure' and treament is the only alternative