Siege Mentality
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 42
Siege Mentality
Ok so I think the depression is starting to fluctuate into pure anadulterated anger...
Which is good in one way as I can't do anything with depression but anger can carry me up to a certain point....granted it's not healthy long term to be motivated by anger. I'm angry at myself for being influenced by others!!!! I'm angry at myself because I've made sobriety the number one goal but i let it slip to the side....granted I was moving and became exhausted.......angry at myself for going out Friday night despite the fact that I was exhausted...
What can I do? I need a Siege Mentality. I've got to be on the defensive and remember that 80% of people will want to see me fall. Which is normal. The more you improve in your life the more certain others will try to drag you back down...
My so called "friend" asked me on Friday if I was "going to continue drinking phaggot drinks" whatever that means. Implying that I wasn't a man if I wasn't drinking beer like him. Yeah good one...this coming from a chronic weed smoker. Do I blame him? No. Is it his fault? No. People are the way they are, I can't change them. What I can do is take responsibility for the people that I let come into my life and take responsibility for my reactions. The end of this "friendship" has been coming and it's my fault that I didn't put an end to it sooner. But Al I was tired Friday night! Take responsibility and go to bed when you're tired! Take responsibility for your self-care! No one else is going to....
True Friendship should be a "mutual appreciation society" where they think you are "the cat's pyjamas" and you think "they rock"...you won't feel this way about everyone and vice versa which is why your social circle needs to be a revolving door which allows people to come and allows people to go....
This is my opinion anyway and there has to be other people with a similar opinion. A true friend will build you up and inspire you to be the best you can emotionally, spiritually, financially......a true friend won't accept second best from you and will challenge you.....and vice versa...
this friend is axed...."better to be alone than in bad company"
Siege Mentality to protect my abstinence
Which is good in one way as I can't do anything with depression but anger can carry me up to a certain point....granted it's not healthy long term to be motivated by anger. I'm angry at myself for being influenced by others!!!! I'm angry at myself because I've made sobriety the number one goal but i let it slip to the side....granted I was moving and became exhausted.......angry at myself for going out Friday night despite the fact that I was exhausted...
What can I do? I need a Siege Mentality. I've got to be on the defensive and remember that 80% of people will want to see me fall. Which is normal. The more you improve in your life the more certain others will try to drag you back down...
My so called "friend" asked me on Friday if I was "going to continue drinking phaggot drinks" whatever that means. Implying that I wasn't a man if I wasn't drinking beer like him. Yeah good one...this coming from a chronic weed smoker. Do I blame him? No. Is it his fault? No. People are the way they are, I can't change them. What I can do is take responsibility for the people that I let come into my life and take responsibility for my reactions. The end of this "friendship" has been coming and it's my fault that I didn't put an end to it sooner. But Al I was tired Friday night! Take responsibility and go to bed when you're tired! Take responsibility for your self-care! No one else is going to....
True Friendship should be a "mutual appreciation society" where they think you are "the cat's pyjamas" and you think "they rock"...you won't feel this way about everyone and vice versa which is why your social circle needs to be a revolving door which allows people to come and allows people to go....
This is my opinion anyway and there has to be other people with a similar opinion. A true friend will build you up and inspire you to be the best you can emotionally, spiritually, financially......a true friend won't accept second best from you and will challenge you.....and vice versa...
this friend is axed...."better to be alone than in bad company"
Siege Mentality to protect my abstinence
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Setting boundaries is very important, and I think you are definitely making progress by taking responsibility for who you associate with. It's a very hard step in early sobriety, but some people just aren't conducive to your recovery.
I would refute your statistic though that 80% of people want to see you fail. 100% of us want to see you succeed here on SR, and there are literally thousands of us. And also remember, what's most important is that YOU want to succeed.
I would refute your statistic though that 80% of people want to see you fail. 100% of us want to see you succeed here on SR, and there are literally thousands of us. And also remember, what's most important is that YOU want to succeed.
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI 
Setting boundaries is very important, and I think you are definitely making progress by taking responsibility for who you associate with. It's a very hard step in early sobriety, but some people just aren't conducive to your recovery.
I would refute your statistic though that 80% of people want to see you fail. 100% of us want to see you succeed here on SR, and there are literally thousands of us. And also remember, what's most important is that YOU want to succeed.
I would refute your statistic though that 80% of people want to see you fail. 100% of us want to see you succeed here on SR, and there are literally thousands of us. And also remember, what's most important is that YOU want to succeed.
Really with the 80% I was applying the Pareto Principle.....the 80/20 law......80% of your business is going to come from 20% of your clients......80% of your quality friendships is going to come from 20% of your friends...
It's a principle that I'm going to have to apply to the outside world......80% of the people won't be compatible with my goals....but 20% will be and it's up to me to put myself in the right places to find that 20% of positive uplifting people....
But yes your right....it all begins with me.
that guy andy
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 16
I like the siege mentality.
There's a Jim Rohn quote: "Disgust says 'I'VE HAD IT!' and what an important day that could be." from his motivational bit, "The Day That Turns Your Life Around."
Anywhere, even positive helpful forum websites, there will be a strong tendency to shoot down anyone doing anything (whether "good" or "bad") outside the norm.
For example people on SR want me to succeed but not if i started promoting my own branded recovery services; i would get banned and ostracized faster than I could relapse. People are only supportive if your "success" fits into their rules.
With your "friend," it sounds like "phaggot drinks" are not part of his rule book so no matter how well you are doing, he would not accept you.
I tend to agree with your 80/20 interpretation... we all want what's best, but only about 20% of the time will our rules (beliefs about how the world functions) will allow us to truly celebrate someone else's joy.
There's a Jim Rohn quote: "Disgust says 'I'VE HAD IT!' and what an important day that could be." from his motivational bit, "The Day That Turns Your Life Around."
Anywhere, even positive helpful forum websites, there will be a strong tendency to shoot down anyone doing anything (whether "good" or "bad") outside the norm.
For example people on SR want me to succeed but not if i started promoting my own branded recovery services; i would get banned and ostracized faster than I could relapse. People are only supportive if your "success" fits into their rules.
With your "friend," it sounds like "phaggot drinks" are not part of his rule book so no matter how well you are doing, he would not accept you.
I tend to agree with your 80/20 interpretation... we all want what's best, but only about 20% of the time will our rules (beliefs about how the world functions) will allow us to truly celebrate someone else's joy.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Denver co
Posts: 29
I have a lot of 'friends' like yours. I have surrounded myself with heavy drinkers for years. All of my 'best friends' are alcoholics. Normal people would have been disgusted by my drinking. I have been avoiding everyone since I quit. I know how this works...when I say that I am an alcoholic, they will immediately feel uncomfortable because they drink as much as used to. They will lash out, like your friend did. It comes from a place of insecurity and fear from them. Better to surround yourself with people who will be supportive in your journey.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I like that....Siege Mentality. And probably after some time you'll stop fighting and just accept. Your thinking is good imo. The anger will stop working and it will be replaced by something else.
One thing I try to be is my own best friend. Sometimes that person is a sister, a boss, even a mother. If I take care of me, respect me, empower me and don't harm me, things usually turn out ok. I can actually be my worst friend at times...doing all the things that you guys are saying that 'bad' friends do. Its an inside job
One thing I try to be is my own best friend. Sometimes that person is a sister, a boss, even a mother. If I take care of me, respect me, empower me and don't harm me, things usually turn out ok. I can actually be my worst friend at times...doing all the things that you guys are saying that 'bad' friends do. Its an inside job
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by elevatorecovery
I like the siege mentality.
There's a Jim Rohn quote: "Disgust says 'I'VE HAD IT!' and what an important day that could be." from his motivational bit, "The Day That Turns Your Life Around."
Anywhere, even positive helpful forum websites, there will be a strong tendency to shoot down anyone doing anything (whether "good" or "bad") outside the norm.
For example people on SR want me to succeed but not if i started promoting my own branded recovery services; i would get banned and ostracized faster than I could relapse. People are only supportive if your "success" fits into their rules.
With your "friend," it sounds like "phaggot drinks" are not part of his rule book so no matter how well you are doing, he would not accept you.
I tend to agree with your 80/20 interpretation... we all want what's best, but only about 20% of the time will our rules (beliefs about how the world functions) will allow us to truly celebrate someone else's joy.
There's a Jim Rohn quote: "Disgust says 'I'VE HAD IT!' and what an important day that could be." from his motivational bit, "The Day That Turns Your Life Around."
Anywhere, even positive helpful forum websites, there will be a strong tendency to shoot down anyone doing anything (whether "good" or "bad") outside the norm.
For example people on SR want me to succeed but not if i started promoting my own branded recovery services; i would get banned and ostracized faster than I could relapse. People are only supportive if your "success" fits into their rules.
With your "friend," it sounds like "phaggot drinks" are not part of his rule book so no matter how well you are doing, he would not accept you.
I tend to agree with your 80/20 interpretation... we all want what's best, but only about 20% of the time will our rules (beliefs about how the world functions) will allow us to truly celebrate someone else's joy.
Do you know I have that Jim Rohn audiobook, but I've not yet listened to it. I had a little listen tonight....
and he hit the nail on the head for the reason why I hit this binge...NEGLECT.......pure and simple neglect. I was doing the things that lead me to ......happiness and success.......and the last two weeks I neglected to do them...
.....are they easy things to do? yes. are they easy things not to do? tragically so. Easy to neglect and 5 years later you end up driving a car you don't want to drive, working in a job you don't want to work, living in a place you'd rather not be and becoming.....someone you'd rather not be........I'm paraphrasing Jim now........thanks for reminding me about him again......it's what I needed
Yes you're right about people only being supported if your success fits in with their rules.....that's what I'm saying....it's important to align yourself with the right people.....this is the lesson I'm taking from this.....the people in my life need to be in alignment with my goals...
two questions a man must ask himself:
where am I going?
who will go with me?
usually those questions are asked in the wrong order...
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Purgatory
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by Garfield71
I have a lot of 'friends' like yours. I have surrounded myself with heavy drinkers for years. All of my 'best friends' are alcoholics. Normal people would have been disgusted by my drinking. I have been avoiding everyone since I quit. I know how this works...when I say that I am an alcoholic, they will immediately feel uncomfortable because they drink as much as used to. They will lash out, like your friend did. It comes from a place of insecurity and fear from them. Better to surround yourself with people who will be supportive in your journey.
I remember someone saying...can't remember who....that people usually choose their friends first....and then decide where they're going in life......then see that in fact their friends are far from compatable with the direction their life is going, neither are they aligned to their life purpose.......and they end up in conflict for years.....
whereas if only we chose our direction and goals first.....and then we aligned ourselves with people who have the same goals or are already successful in the area that we wish to excel.....everything would be in it's correct alignment......correct energy..
Hello Siege Mentality
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I had a lot of drinking buddies but very frew friends, but it was really hard for me to tell the difference for a while.
Once I could, a whole lot of dead wood drifted off and a whole lot of really great people entered or re-entered my life and I'm glad because gritting your teeth and waiting for the blows gets really wearying, and weary people can make mistakes....
D
Once I could, a whole lot of dead wood drifted off and a whole lot of really great people entered or re-entered my life and I'm glad because gritting your teeth and waiting for the blows gets really wearying, and weary people can make mistakes....
D
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
This is a battle I chose not to fight. I see it as surrender and surrender is nothing more than joining the winning side.
Recovery for me is not about trying to cope with my old life it is about a new life surrounded by people that support my sobriety.
For me it is very black and white. Either you support my recovery or you are not part of my life.
It pretty hard to have a battle if one side doesn't show up
Recovery for me is not about trying to cope with my old life it is about a new life surrounded by people that support my sobriety.
For me it is very black and white. Either you support my recovery or you are not part of my life.
It pretty hard to have a battle if one side doesn't show up
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Its pretty clear you are fully aware of your current situation, and direction you want to see yourself go. Your intelligence is on full display. The hard part, if you will, is the execution. Time to move forward and make your mark in life, eliminate negative influences, be the person you want the world to remember you by. Its all within your grasp. Fear and anger are often viewed as a negative emotion, but I firmly believe they can be great motivators for some of us.
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