****this
 

hey
i thought id post keep people up to date
Been feeling suicidal for the last few days
wanting to take drugs and other crap that is going on
i Have Borderline Personality Disorder( **** knows how they come to that conclusion )
but am not sick enough to warrant IP
So **** them ( if i die because i killed myself they wouldn't lose there jobs or give a **** )

Anyway my husband and my family are the only reason i havent killed myself
I have medication that i take its locked up 2 weeks ago on Sunday i OD'D on painkillers went to A and E ( ER ) the paramedic giving me **** about taking them ( like i ******* needed that **** )
( the painkillers were bought by my husband who forgot to lock them up after we got home )
Want drink want drugs and want to be high
husband giving me **** over this post and the fact that i want to off myself
**** i get **** no matter what i do
**** this

Aum - In this battle, nobody else matters but you. You have the right, now, to take care of yourself and survive this.

I totally understand! I was suicidal at one point over guilt about my drinking. I went to the ER also. Had my stomach pumped and stayed in ICU for 2 days. Not fun at all.

(((Aum)))

I think it's a good thing you posted. Sounds like you need support, and there are so many caring and compassionate people on this site. Even though things are really tough, it is fantastic you are not turning to drink and drugs, and have reached out for support. You obviously have strength there. Don't forget that.

I'm sorry you're so upset Aum.

You're lucky to have a husband who supports and cares for you, I think - many of us don't have that.

Things sound pretty urgent to me - is there noone you can see?
Could talking to someone on any of these numbers help?

Mental health helplines - Stress, anxiety and depression - NHS Choices

Breathing Space: 0800 83 85 87 (calls from landlines are free of charge; charges may apply to mobile users). If you’re depressed or experiencing low mood, you can speak to a Breathing Space advisor weekdays: Monday to Thursday 6pm-2am and weekends: Friday 6pm to Monday 6am

D

Well I am glad you haven't Aum. You have been on the forum longer than me and I know that you work really hard at your recovery. I am shocked that you have not been given an IP place.

If you are feeling really low/suicidal then I know this is hardly an original idea but why not phone the Samaritans, they might have enough local knowledge of the health system to get more help for you.

hey Aum.... I don't know what it's like to have those thoughts, to feel that way, to not be able to stop it....

But I know that it feels to me like it would feel awful. Just awful.

I also know that I believe - even through that awfulness - that life is a gift and that you can get through it.

I hope you'll stick around, find some support and comfort around here, take whatever steps it takes to get through it. Dee's suggestions seem really solid to me.

please hang in there and get yourself to help if nothing else is working.

Aum

Thank you for sharing. This is my first post at Sober Recovery and i just want to say I'm glad it's a safe place to share, even if you (and me too sometimes) are feeling like "**** it."

I am thankful that you have your family to help provide positive motivation.

I feel the same way toward my family.

I am sort of borderline suicidal (some ideations) and can tell you that thinking of my niece and nephew makes me not only want to live but to live well (for example, sober).

Ultimately, I am responsible for my own choices.

I will reap the consequences of them as well, regardless of how strong the temptations were. I hope I am not tempted too badly. But even that can be a gift, so I am stronger after it doesn't kill me.

I notice I sometimes take it personally when my niece doesn't behave as I would like. Kind of insecure on my part. :)

I am glad for the reminder that we all get **** in life.

I am thankful we can share it here.

Andy

i have my therapist who i see on the 22nd of October and my psych on the 28th of October
both have no emergency phone numbers the place i have called in the past just tell me to have a cup of tea and Go to bed when i cant sleep
Am sick of them saying that my medication isnt everything ( or what ever the **** that means ) i am getting therapy they will not IP anyone who is suicidal with BPD they tell them to trying MINDFULNESS and that MINDFULNESS HELPS EVERYTHING
( TRY SEEing BUGS ON YOUR SKIN AND YOUR HUSBAND HAVING TO HOLD YOUR ARMS TO STOP YOU CLAWING AT YOURSELF )
mindfulness dont help all the time
sorry if i dont sound like myself i just feel like no one is listening

Welcome to SR Andy :)

D

I would be hounding your doctors for an emergency appointment. 3-4 weeks away is too long.

Apart from that I wish I knew what else to suggest apart from calling the numbers I provided aum.

Dee74 thank you for those numbers you gave me
i can try and see my dr tomorrow if i can get an appointment with her

anytime Aum :)

D

Aum, I'm glad you're taking Dee's advice to try to see your dr as soon as possible. Sometimes you have to push a bit to get an earlier appointment and that's annoying, but you are worth being cared for.

Just sending you support Aum
I've been in that dark place too and it hurts.

I hope you find your way out soon and get proper support
You deserve it

Aum, I am so glad you're still here. No matter what your head tells you, life is worth living. It might not seem like it right now, or tomorrow, or maybe even a few weeks or months from now, but ultimately it DOES GET BETTER! I promise you that. Hang on!

Hi Aum - I'm sending support and hugs. (((AUM))) We care for you.

Good luck Aum

we are listening . Depression, drugs and alcohol is serious **** . Ive self destructed myself. Just have to go to your happy place , that's what I do when I am feeling like ****. There are some times where I am like, if I didn't have my most loyal companion ( my dog ) lol I said F it many times... I hope things turn around for ya. Not easy sharing stuff like that so props.

Cheers

Dru -

Hang in there, Aum. As bad as you feel now, the really low times won't last forever. You can get through this.:grouphug: