sbrjoe

Be been sober for about 26 days. Problem is that I am slipping in dry drunk tendencies. I'm spending irresponsibly and not treating my family right. What can I do to help overcome this????? Please help! I don't want to go back to alcohol!!

Madmartigan

I'm attempting to cope with this also occasionally. When I feel emotions surging to spend, get angry, yell etc... I take a step back and remind myself that I quit drinking so I can be a better person for myself, family, fiance ... so here's your chance to be that better person... that thought process has been keeping unchecked actions at bay most of the time

Tooshabby

Hi SoberJoe, you will probably find your question gets moved to newcomers where it gets more responses :-)

First and foremost, well done on 26 days - bravo!! Keep posting on SR so you can get support from others here. There are also resources on this site that you can take a look at that might be helpful.

I always find maintaining communication helps in relationships during stressful times. It helps in that my partner and son know I'm feeling a bit stressed and that's why I'm a little different, and my partner often is able to offer words of wisdom or just support and comfort. Just getting how you're feeling out to the people you love and trust can lift a lot of the burden in itself.

Welcome to SR :-)

Dee74

Hi Joe - and welcome

I asked in another thread what you meant and this makes it a little clearer - dry drunk is usually an AA term - are you doing this with a sponsor?

If so I'm sure they have suggestions.

From my non AA perspective it's very common to switch addictions - even to things like spending or shopping. You'll find a lot of support here to help you stay on the straight and narrow

I'm not sure what 'not treating my family right' means, but maybe you're irritable and impatient?

Again, that's common, and you'll find support for that here too

None of us are saints, but we do the best we can Joe - try not to beat yourself up too much, oik? You'll get this

D

IOAA2

Hi.

The term “Dry Drunk” has been used in AA much longer than I’ve been around and that’s a long time.

Being sober refers to being alcohol/ drug free in the body.

During our drinking years we have a tendency to collect characteristics, usually negative, that don’t just disappear because we stopped using. Some might include dishonesty, anger, unreliablability, fears, isolation, low self esteem, control, lazy, compulsive and on and on.
Often these come out when we ONLY stop drinking and we don’t WORK AND CHANGE the reasons we drank.
My sponsor of many years described a dry drunk as a period of “acting and reacting as if we were still drinking.” Unfortunately many cling to that pattern and the hollowness that’s included.

BE WELL

Roxyblues

Treat the alcoholism with the steps of AA. Left untreated, an alcoholic will turn to feel good types of activities or distractions as I like to call them. These may take shape in various forms from spending money, eating, gambling, sex or other activities.

Untreated alcoholism also causes one to act out of or be driven by self-centered fear thereby causing us to treat those around us inappropriately.

Alcoholism to me is that committee meeting in my head that is a negative feedback loop and that fear of impending doom inside my stomach. Alcohol turns the committee meeting volume way down and gives me that warm of fuzzy feeling of AWE in the pit if my stomach. Take alcohol away, it is still there and perhaps much stronger after the initial pink cloud of not drinking is gone.

Spending money can be a momentary distraction from the committee meeting in ones head and the excitement or joy can suppress that momentary feeling of impending doom in the pit of the stomach. It is temporary, artificial and can create a whole other set of problems though.

The steps teach one how to live normally without fear of the future and regret of the past. This is the key. Remove the self-centered fear and focus on what you do for others instead of worrying about what you can do for yourself and things will begin to fall into place.

Berrybean

Hi. I'm presuming that you're still going AA meetings while writing this response, so my apologies in advance if this isn't the case.

Have you got yourself a sponsor yet? If so, then I'd urge you to get together and have an honest chat about about this so that they can advise you, and as you're talking things out you will probably reinforce your own ideas about what you want to stop doing, and how you would prefer to behave instead.

It might be worth running over your own sobriety plan and checking that you're doing all the things that you can, and are really working your daily program, using all the tools in your sobriety-box, and are as focussed on your recovery as you need to be. Starting each day with prayer / meditation. Doing step work. Talking to your sponsor. Checking in on here regularly. Going to a mix of meetings, ideally so that there's a Big Book or 12 and 12 study in there somewhere so you hear people reflecting and sharing on details of recovery rather than just more general shares. (I also find that listening to the speaker recordings helps me stay in the zone - there are lots of free ones here... 5500+ AA Speaker Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly! and on Youtube). Reading the Big Book, or the 12 and 12 relating to the step you're currently working on can also be really helpful...Alcoholics Anonymous : Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions even if only a couple of paragraphs at a time. If you haven't read Living Sober then that could be a good move. That book has really, really helped a lot of people and is cheap as chips and not a long or arduous read at all.

Working with a sponsor on our Step work is where we get the opportunity start to adjust our perspective and how we deal with things. All those AA promises can start coming true once we're doing the work, but it's easy to get complacent and start 'coasting'. While the social aspect of the meetings has been valuable for me from the start and kept me 'sober', I needed to actually work the program properly to really start 'recovering'.

Fly N Buy

Glad you're here!

For me recognizing I need to change my behavior then taking action to do it is how I get out of the same old, same old. If I am not loving my family, realize what you are doing is wrong and correct it ! Spending too much - set a budget.

Being irritable is common - mediation, walks etc helped me get through those initial ups and downs.

26 days is great ! Are you working some type of program?? For me that's integral in staying stopped - removing alcohol is but a first step.

keep coming back!

dru1085

Grats one 26 days.. yeah it seems if its not one thing its another aint it? Keep posting here we got ur back

Cheers

Dru -

PurpleKnight

You don't have to go back to alcohol Joe, keep focused on the task at hand!!

26 Days is fantastic!!

Soberwolf

Stick with us

sbrjoe

Thank you all for your responses! I talked to my sponsor today and he 12 stepped me and recommended we begin to start hitting the steps in the big book. I am beginning to find out that alcoholism includes more than just alcohol. My tendencies and behaviors have to change as well. I'm glad to have.set up a meeting with my sponsor on Wednesday to get started. I will be going to meetings in between as well.

I was also doing some research and found a term I had not yet seen. Post-acute withdrawal. Do any of you all have any experience with this. From what I read, it can last up to 2 years!!!

Dee74

I've had a little experience with PAWs but it did not last for 2 years - thats a common misconception based on the observation that it can last for up to 2 years.

people vary but for me I had a few days here and a few days there and then nothing after 3 or 4 months

This is the best Paws link I know.
I recommend you read it all the way through, Joe

PAWS | Digital Dharma

D

SportsFan15

My first stab at quitting I stayed sober and relapse free for 1.5 years. But the folks on here are TOTALLY right....an addict must do more than just remove the addictive substance. About 6 months into sobriety I wondered why I was able to quit easily (addictive voice and other people's voices started telling me "see you're not an alcoholic. ...you can drink....")

Because I was so unhappy, I began to have the very IRRATIONAL belief that the problem was not alcohol and I can drink again. That statement is half true. Alcohol itself, the liquid in the bottle, isn't my problem. It's just one of the things I reached for to cope in unhealthy ways.

If we don't work on the problems within, we will simply switch addictions. Or switch coping mechanisms. During the 1.5 years I substituted alcohol with the following;:
--food (I gained over 20 lbs....and at 35 I'd never had a weight problem)
--isolation
--over analyzing ("am I really an alcoholic? What is my real problem? How do I compare to other people's situations? Maybe I CAN drink!")
--searching endlessly, hoping there was a simpler problem
--codependency- caretaking other people
--not exercising, laying around
--reading obsessively about alcoholism (hint, hint I KNEW I was an alcoholic)

I needed to see myself write this out and hope it helps you.

The folks on here are absolutely correct.....we must work a program to deal with the root problem. I even went to a private therapist for 3 years....still do.....but until I do specific work on addiction, I will keep blaming something else for my issues.

Thanks for letting me share. 1.5 years alc free and I barely felt better. Got to work on the root of the problem!

SportsFan15

One thing I forgot....I became an expert on PAWS because of extensive reading. I kept hoping my symptoms were going to vanish but at 1.5 years they were basically the same and some were worse. My addict friend said, "you've removed the alcohol but haven't worked on yourself. You have to change the way you live life. I can't imagine recovering without a program."

I've found that changing the way one lives isn't simply ACTION aka improving habits like eating well, exercising, reaching out. All those actions are good but don't get to the root of the problem.

SportsFan15

I apologize if I sound preach-y. I'm saying this to myself and I feel your pain!!!

Fly N Buy

Yes, there is a lot more to recovery than the elimination of alcohol from our system.

Of course when we take away alcohol we do indeed change - no doubt. The very nature of our drunken behaviors - the shame, the can't remember what did I do jazz, the near term feeling physically better all this and more.

Alcohol was not my problem - it had become my solution to life. When I eliminate it many of my issues are still there. But now I can deal with life in a sober manner. Fear dissipates - I start a process of becoming emotionally mature.

I learn How to live, how to love and how to be helpful to others. That leads to a semblance of Joy, today!

Sobriety and recovery are there for all willing to do the work and accept the gift of a new life.

Kallistia

This was a fantastic read, this is the most comprehensive article I've ever read about PAWS