Jsbodhi

Ugh the USA is ludicrous, I was trying to go to the grand canyon with a friend,and they stopped him at customs because he had a warrant for his arrest, but it was a big mix up, he didn't actually have a warrant, he was suppoosed to pay a fine that someone didn't put into the system as paid, yet he still can't go to the USA for a year because he was denied once- super frustrating.
I hope you feel better. Xoxo
I went backpacking around Cuba last xmas break from school, it was awesome.

Sounds like a cool job with the bats

Venecia

I'm sorry you're in pain.

At first blush, perhaps a year does sound like a long time. On the other hand, it sounds like there has been a lot of loss and pain in your life for a long time, too. Perhaps a year devoted to rebuilding would pay off substantially in the long run.

dunkelheit

My dad is just paying the specialist for my treatment because he already paid for my education. He's cried too many times over me in the past year. He's an 80 year-old Japanese man, he doesn't know why I'm so messed up. I've already lost too much, but my job was the worst of everything.

dunkelheit

Neat.

No, was on celexa and olanzepine for years. My other doctor was going to start me on seroquil, but she randomly left her office.

Coldfusion

Well, Canada won't let in US citizens with DUI convictions. There's a few around this forum...

dunkelheit

I have no convictions. Just police encounters which resulted in hospitalization.

Here's some examples of similar cases:
Canadians with mental illnesses denied U.S. entry - Canada - CBC News

Canadians' mental-health info routinely shared with FBI, U.S. customs - Windsor - CBC News

Ruby2

What options do you have? You sound a lot like me in looking for reasons why I couldn't or can't do something rather than looking to find a way to make something happen with what I have in hand. I was always so obsessed with spinning the negative that I couldn't relax enough to see the simple solution in front of me. It takes practice but it can be done. There are solutions there. You may not have seen it yet but it will come

NoelleR

"...I have no convictions. Just police encounters which resulted in hospitalization..."

In most cases, unless arrests are purged or dismissed, they can be considered as part of a criminal record.

Meraviglioso

I can tell you are really frustrated about this and I definitely understand.
Your field of research sounds very interesting. I was at a dinner party last week and one of the couples there are big travelers, they have been all around the world multiple times. They told a story about visiting a bat cave in the middle of the desert in Kenya where the most rare bat in the world lives- it is the only place in the world that this one particular bat is known to live. I'm not into bats so I can't really relay all the details, but something about a long beak….

Enough about bats, let's talk about you. I'm going to have to agree with others here who have suggested you get on the waiting list for the year long treatment. Really, what do you have to lose? With tenderness I say to you, you sound absolutely miserable. If you are already so miserable and life doesn't even seem worth living (your words) then why not just say "screw it, I'll go off for a year for treatment" Seriously.
You have your whole life ahead of you. As Ruby said, 1 year is a drop in the bucket. I would imagine that one year of intensive treatment would bring about major changes for you. There is nothing wrong, nothing at all, with being weird, different, dark, into bats, a loner, moody, whatever else. There is something wrong with being an addict, violent, unable to function in society. No one wants to change who you are as a person, we just want to see you get better.

One year of investment and then think of the possibilities. Screw the US, start thinking of a trip to Kenya after your treatment.

Soberwolf

Sorry bud

Wastinglife

Hi Dunkelheit, I can relate to you in many ways. Fellow Torontonian and have also been denied at the border. I have a DUI from 10 years ago but also several arrests from being drunk/bar fights that had me in jail gor the night. US customs has access to the Canadian database that shows every interaction a person has with police whether there are charges, a conviction, or not.

I actually was denied entry when I was embarking on a business trip. Very embarassing. I lost the job because of my inability to get past US customs. Any othet country in the world, and I am fine. Only US customs has access to that database.

I did however get to travel to a wedding this summer in California by going to the US consulate in Toronto ahead of time. They approved a waiver for me. Feel free to PM me if you want more details.

thomas11

Feel for ya. I can't get into Canada unless I fill out a criminal rehabilitation packet. I have 1 DUI and an alcohol related careless that are almost 20 years old.

Banjoist

The only support I can offer here is to not think in such extremes about your career. If you look at the Fortune 500, any professional sports team, or really any field at all, you'll see a LOT of people who get fired over and over and over again by different entities and still end up getting great jobs. The fact is, there are thousands of programs out there that need people who know things about bats, and not a lot of people who know a lot...you'll be perfectly fine. There is no "career" for any of us, just a lot of jobs that string together...some in a way that tells a cohesive story, and some in a way that sounds random. At the end, they're just jobs that get you paid and, hopefully, provided you a creative outlet for your strengths.

PurpleKnight

Something in there still cares, coming back to SR and posting shows you're not done with this fight just yet.

When I got Sober I needed to take a few steps back and take a few deep breaths as to the project and journey I had signed up to, it's far from easy, but we can only build a foundatation one brick at a time, and even then a roof can only be laid one slate at a time!!

You can do this, but small steps are the way forward!!

NoelleR

It seems some folks are angry that the US is poking and perusing around in their personal (criminal) records (they're Canada's records, after all). Just remember it's Canada who grants the US access to these records.

(o:

entropy1964

Hey Dunkel

Been reading your posts for a while. I can't say that I have advice for you as I haven't experienced the mental illness challenges you have. I'm sorry for your suffering.

I did want to gently make an observation. You are quite obviously very into Black Metal. I get it. I like it too (kinda crazy at my age but I do). Been into metal all my life. I like Byrzum too, and Mayhem...heck your posts read like the words of Dead. But if taken too seriously it can be pretty depressing stuff. And the stories of the singers of these two bands are pretty horendous. I'm not sure if it might help you to move away from this kind of music for a while...until you can see if as entertainment as opposed to a way of life? Its just a suggestion. I am a very sensative person and music can really affect me. I have to completely avoid certain bands cause they can trigger different powerful emotions. Just a suggestion.