Mornings are rough? Need Acceptance?
 

Hey, I had such a difficult time getting up this morning. Borderline depressed. What was weird was I had so convinced myself the night before that I would get up earlier and enjoy the morning.

Last night, I talked to my girlfriend on the phone and told her my plan to get up early and cook some of the eggs that had been piling up in the fridge during the first two months of my recovery and then read, relax before going to work. After I talked to her, I did some reading and I really felt good.

But when the alarm went off this morning, the last in the world I wanted to do was get out of bed. Not only that, I started thinking of my friends who are married, their kids, the cool places they live. I got depressed. A little resentful. It was awful.

I finally managed to get out of bed and eat a bowl of cereal and pack a lunch. Two goals I really wanted to accomplish because saving money by eating at home is one of things I chose to focus on in early recovery. But I was later than I wanted to be. And saving money today in no way feels like an accomplishment even though I was excited to start trying just yesterday. Feeling the burnout at work today.

What gives? Is my morning brain just not aware of where my life is right now? I really feel like I wake up expecting a different reality. I suspect I am not really accepting my situation. How do I do this without putting myself down?

It sounds like you have good goals for yourself, even though it's hard to get started. Don't ever minimize what one small change each day will do. You will find a ripple effect in your life from doing just one positive thing for yourself.

If you think you are depressed and it was caused by alcoholism, it will likely ease up. If you were depressed before you began drinking, it could be an idea to talk to your dr about it.

You're doing great! You are up, at work, with a lunch...doing all the adult things. But best of all, you are sober! Congrats!

And LOL at being wistful at "mommy mornings". I am happily past that time but remember the busyness and sometimes chaos so well.

I hope your day gets better and that you have plans to enjoy your evening!

I have waves of that type of thinking, too. (I'm 2.5 months, so we're recovery neighbors!). Some days I'm just so blissfully happy. I'm inspired, I have so many plans, everything I want seems possible. I see challenges and they get me so enthused I'm just all sunshine.

And then, for no real particular reason, everything feels impossible. I feel like I've fallen behind my peers and will never catch up again. I feel like my faults are insurmountable because I'm just never going to be good enough. I don't want to get out of bed, either.

I think part of it's brain chemistry... I know PAWS can manifest as depression and anxiety, and the wavey-ness of it seems to fit that model. I also think part of it is just that I've been hiding from my problems, and now I'm just living with them. Being sober hasn't magically fixed every single problem I have. And I get impatient with that.

Anyway, I hope both you and I feel better as we get more practice under our belts.

We have bad days and good days, even those who have been sober for years. And believe it or not, even those who are not alcoholics have bad days too;-) Anna's advice is very sound..if you feel depression might be a problem that you've had for a while, don't be afraid to see a doctor and talk about it.

Thanks. Maybe I took accomplishing this change a little for granted since I'm not usually a morning person.

My depression set in bad a few months ago before I realized I was an alcoholic. My doctor and therapist are aware.

Thanks, fantail! Congrats on beginning your recovery!!

It could be PAWsy symptoms. Today has been a dumper - not feeling inspired like yesterday.

On the other hand, I didn't go to be bed very early. I'm going to have to bend some of my old habits. I need to concentrate on really making this important to me and then put forth more effort into making it happen. It may seem easy, but it isn't easy for me. And patience.

Just want to say that I understand Soberincle. I, too, have such high hopes for accomplishing things during the day. However, when I first open my eyes, I just want to go back to sleep, but can't. Things are getting better slowly. I have more energy and make myself complete at least a small task so the day isn't wasted. Some days I'm successful in accomplishing everything on my list. I'm retired, so I can't use a job as an accomplishment. I admire everyone who can recover and still go to work everyday. :) I'm glad your doctor and therapist are aware of your depression. Do you feel better when you have accomplished items on your 'to do' list? I do! Hang in there. :)

Hi SoberInCLE -

I think you're on to something with the connection between mood and sleep.

During my first 3 months I needed a lot more rest than normal. I certainly wasn't Miss Peppy! Nope, I was exhausted and I felt RAW. I think it was because my brain/body just needed down time to heal. The rest helped me be much more resilient to those 'down days.' It did get better.

Wonderful to see you Fantail & Congrats on 2.5 months!

Drinking effs with your brain. It causes your receptors to miss fire and once they miss fire for so long, it takes a while to get them back into the swing of normality. You are going to have GOOD days and BAD days. Its how you deal with those bad days that defines us in getting sober. Its going to happen, and I now realize it was silly to think that if I just stopped all together my life would immediately change and it would all be smooth sailing from there. Nope-- things were tough, then good, then rough, then smooth. I think everyone has bad days, doesnt feel like getting out of bed, and just want to roll back over and forget about it.

I had to force myself to get out of a bed a few times over the past few weeks. It is what it is. And its how I deal with it that makes me the person who I am.

I hate mornings. I'm not a morning person, in the least. I dread getting up but also know it'll pass when I get moving into my regular routine as the day progresses. It's great that you ate and got going.

Hang in there. It may be depression. Stick it out and keep your doctor informed. Mine lightened when I quit drinking but it now ebbs and flows and I've got some time sober. What helps is trying to keep a positive attitude and to realize this too shall pass. Smile to myself. It helps relax my head.

Good topic. Thanks

It was suggested to me to get to sleep at a specific time and wake up at a specific time every day of the week......

The rest had to be added gradually.

Maybe reduce your personal goals, meet one goal and maintain that and then add another, meet and maintain, add a third.......

I make lunch at night and even put it in a bag, keep in fridge....put a bag on the door knob and add anything I need to bring with me for the next day....

so many little things add up, but I had to start slow and then work at a steady pace....

Breathe. Relax. Stay stopped.

Love and hugs to you

Hey everybody! I made a point of getting to bed earlier (still not too early) and even though I didn't get out of bed exactly when I wanted, I got up early enough to make a hot breakfast and pack a lunch and still get here at my usual time (late! haha!) feeling much more refreshed than yesterday. I guess it helps knowing I get to work from home tomorrow too.

I read a book in the morning that I had been reading last night. That seemed to help and it was more relaxing than checking the internet.

I guess yesterday was just a BAD day.