Stubbs16

Hello all. Its been awhile, and I'm back again, trying once again, for sobriety. I can't do this alone, and I need help, and support. This addiction has its hooks deep in me, and I'm hating it. I've wasted so much of my life like this, and tomorrow is a birthday for me. I'm wanting to change the rest of my life.

So, I'm beginning day one today. Any support would be greatly appreciated. Once again, I'm so happy to be back, and having another go at it.

Thanks friends.

entropy1964

Welcome back Maximus.

Yeah this addiction is pretty soul crushing. It helps to come here daily and read, over and over, that going back to alcohol never, ever works. I actually know it won't work at this point, that doesn't always stop me.

I know that to stay sober I need a plan...not just desire. Hang in there.

Stubbs16

Thanks frick. I agree with all that. I actually love my sober days.
My plan is to get support and just say NO! I'm sick of alcohol controlling my life.

Della1968

Welcome back

least

Glad you're back giving it another go.

sva777

Make this your last and best sober attempt

Stubbs16

My life depends on getting and staying sober. My grandson who is 6, asked me what I was going to do on my birthday tomorrow. I said no plans honey. Then he asked me are you going to drink beer? Broke my heart.

A big wakeup call there. I don't want him to remember me as a drunk. This is a huge reason I have to get and remain sober. I still have a chance to turn this around. Alcohol is trying to take all my good things away. I can't let that continue to happen.

Cameron57

Maximus, I remember you from March 15 group when I was there. Come join sept 15. Hoping this is your time.

Stubbs16

Thanks much cameron. I think I'm gonna jump into october tomorrow. My birthday then, and what better time to restart, right? Actually, I'm starting today.

Leshar

Welcome back and Happy Birthday for tomorrow. A new beginning.

Stubbs16

Thanks Leshar. And Im very grateful for it.

rjh

A good support team is the key i found. I went to AA , and got as many numbers as i could, talked to as many people as I could. Will be uncomftable at first, but AA members are truly good people, and ready to help and listen to you. I talk daily to as many people as i can. I goto meetings daily, I CANNOT DO IT ALONE!!, and Iam powerless. Get a sponsor also. AA may not be for everybody, but it is working for me, and Iam just sharing my experience. These forums are an awesome tool to have. But I found I really needed to go out and listen, and talk face to face with other alcoholics. A sponsor I know said something the other day. He has been sober 9 years. He said , What ever makes you uncomftable in the beginning of your sobriety.... Do It !!
Just try an open speaker meeting...Shake peoples hands, give them a hug, interact, they wont turn you down.
If AA is not for you, then find sober friends, as many as you can.
A sober friendship is the best kind. This disease is the devil. But if i can find one positive out of it, it is that i have met the best people through recovery.
Alcoholics were the only people that truly understood what i was going through.
Just saying what is working for me.
You dont have to beat this disease alone, just have to put yourself out there.. There are people willing to help.
One day at a time.....

Stubbs16

Great advice rjh, thanks much. Yes, Im scared of this, but I know I can overcome it. With support, and theres alot of it out there, and here as well. Im ready to do the work,this time around. I have attended AA in the past, but never stayed long enough. I agree, great bunch of folks there.

Stubbs16

Well, just dumped the last beer. Ive done that before though, and always ended up getting more later on. Not today..... House is clean, and so am I. Really hate day ones, Im not really hungover today, but cant wait for the poison to be out of my system. I disgust myself sometimes.

rjh

Find an open speaker meeting tonight. You will feel 10 times better after meeting on your drive home.

Jsbodhi

Welcome back! Xo

Stubbs16

As i sit here today and contemplate mysituation, its refreshing to finally admit and own up to the fact that Im responsible for my own actions. In the past, Ive used every excuse under the sun to justify my addiction. Of course, the av just loved that. No matter how my life is, or how difficult a situation, its my choice. I feel im slowly making some progress in my struggles with this. I have a long way to go. Its refreshing to know all this, and accept it. Also, its taken me a long time to really, really want to be sober, more then wanting that drink. Unfortunately, I caved yesterday. But on the positive side, my stints of sobriety have been getting longer then in the past.

ccam1973

Welcome back Maximus. Sounds like you just need to tweak your plan a bit so you can string those periods of sobriety together this time.

It helped me tremendously when I finally admitted to myself that I couldn't drink ever again. Up until that point I always left an opening for drinking in the future. When the future came last time, I drank 24/7 for the better part of a year.

Learn from your past, recondition your plan so that when the same thing happens this time, you know how to get through it without drinking.

You wont' regret waking up tomorrow having not had a drink today.

You can do this.

Stubbs16

Thanks much ccam. You are right, i need to take drinking anything out of the picture. Its the only way. During my sober stints, it was so nice to not even entertain the idea. And sometimes, its just a passing thought that i was able to push aside. Why other times are more difficult, i just dont know. But, it was a decision, a bad one, i need to kick to the curb, permanently.

sg1970

Welcome back!