A bit overwhelmed GF of recovering heroin addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: MD
Posts: 2
A bit overwhelmed GF of recovering heroin addict
Hi there. I'm Serasan, and I'm new here (as to be expected).
I'm not sure where to begin, so I'll begin with myself. I'm a 24yo grad student in biochemistry. I generally struggle with anxiety and depression, but after growing up with (in denial) alcoholic father and step-mother, I've been one to avoid drinking and never done any drugs.
Naturally, this makes it difficult for me to understand where my bf is coming from at times. His family all had issues with addiction to either drugs or alcohol, and he started using street drugs at a young age. He's been in recovery or getting better the last few years- although I don't know much because we've only been together for a bit more than four months.
Really, I'm here because I want to see what other SOs, family, or friends have gone through with an addict. The good and the bad extremes I should expect and how to best take care of myself are also things I'm interested in reading about. And somewhere I can post without feeling under pressure.
He OD'd a little over a week ago and I had to call 911 because he was dying. Luckily he had told me about his drug problem about a week before that so I could guess what was going on. I felt clueless and scared and like I had no idea what was going on. I had the choice (and technically always will of course) to keep on staying with him or to leave him. I chose to stay.
I have to get back to work else I'd probably go from writing a post that's long to absurdly long, but expect to see me lurking around the forums and reading everything I can.
I'm not sure where to begin, so I'll begin with myself. I'm a 24yo grad student in biochemistry. I generally struggle with anxiety and depression, but after growing up with (in denial) alcoholic father and step-mother, I've been one to avoid drinking and never done any drugs.
Naturally, this makes it difficult for me to understand where my bf is coming from at times. His family all had issues with addiction to either drugs or alcohol, and he started using street drugs at a young age. He's been in recovery or getting better the last few years- although I don't know much because we've only been together for a bit more than four months.
Really, I'm here because I want to see what other SOs, family, or friends have gone through with an addict. The good and the bad extremes I should expect and how to best take care of myself are also things I'm interested in reading about. And somewhere I can post without feeling under pressure.
He OD'd a little over a week ago and I had to call 911 because he was dying. Luckily he had told me about his drug problem about a week before that so I could guess what was going on. I felt clueless and scared and like I had no idea what was going on. I had the choice (and technically always will of course) to keep on staying with him or to leave him. I chose to stay.
I have to get back to work else I'd probably go from writing a post that's long to absurdly long, but expect to see me lurking around the forums and reading everything I can.
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,200
Hi Serasan, welcome to SR
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can't offer much in the way of advice as I am a recovering alcoholic, not heroin user.
I can suggest that you post in a part of this site called Friends and Family of Substance Abusers. Hopefully there should be people there who have been through your experience and have some practical advice and support
All the best to you Serasan
Sorry to hear what you are going through. I can't offer much in the way of advice as I am a recovering alcoholic, not heroin user.
I can suggest that you post in a part of this site called Friends and Family of Substance Abusers. Hopefully there should be people there who have been through your experience and have some practical advice and support
All the best to you Serasan
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Hi,
I'm sorry for your situation. Does your boyfriend want to stop using drugs? It would probably be a good idea to set some boundaries that would protect you and take care of you.
If you like reading, our book list has some excellent books:
Beattie, Melody Codependent No More, The Language of Letting Go, Journey To The Heart
Lerner, Harriet The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
Mason, Paul Stop Walking on Eggshells
I'm sorry for your situation. Does your boyfriend want to stop using drugs? It would probably be a good idea to set some boundaries that would protect you and take care of you.
If you like reading, our book list has some excellent books:
Beattie, Melody Codependent No More, The Language of Letting Go, Journey To The Heart
Lerner, Harriet The Dance Of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
Mason, Paul Stop Walking on Eggshells
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Child of an alcoholic ends up with an addict boyfriend. This is probably not an accident of chance meetings. I think you will have a better chance figuring out why you picked an addict and seemed prepared to stay with him, than you will have in fixing him.
Work on you. Stop the pattern before it becomes one.
Work on you. Stop the pattern before it becomes one.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
The friends and family boards on this site are helpful, informative and supportive. Check out the link below. Welcome!
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
The Alcoholism and Addictions Help Forums- by SoberRecovery.com
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
Hi Serasan and welcome. I would also recommend the Friends & Family forum. While I'm a recovering alcoholic, I can tell you, from learning about addiction and knowing family of heroin addicts, that it is THE number one most difficult substance to recover from. While it is none of my business, I want to point out something. He only told you about his problem a few weeks ago, and ODd recently. IMHO, this is a huge red flag when it comes to his "recovery" - he's not. And as much as I hate to say it, he's not getting better. When it comes to alcohol & substance abuse, it's not like getting better from the flu where you slowly improve while still using. Addicts need to detox then abstain completely in order to recover. Period. This is coming from someone that has lived it. And to be completely honest, he shouldn't be trying to develop a new relationship in his current situation because drugs always come first to an addict. Always. They will lie, cheat, manipulate, steal, and do anything to get the next high. Please, for yourself, be very careful if you decide to continue the relationship. It has a very strong potential to be highly dramatic, stressful, and destructive. I wish you all the best.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: MD
Posts: 2
Hi everyone. Thanks for all the words of support.
And the words of advice. I've been looking through the friends and family group at some of the posts on there and will probably post in there soon.
Yeah, I've noticed the child of alcoholics dating the addict boyfriend thing, too. But, if anything, I think that made me more prepared for this. As in, I'll know when I need to walk away. Because I had to do that with my parents.
As for him. He wanted to get help on his own and is going to an out patient clinic. He's also taking other steps for his recovery and I've already spoken to him about boundaries and deal breakers- which my therapist suggested.
And the words of advice. I've been looking through the friends and family group at some of the posts on there and will probably post in there soon.
Yeah, I've noticed the child of alcoholics dating the addict boyfriend thing, too. But, if anything, I think that made me more prepared for this. As in, I'll know when I need to walk away. Because I had to do that with my parents.
As for him. He wanted to get help on his own and is going to an out patient clinic. He's also taking other steps for his recovery and I've already spoken to him about boundaries and deal breakers- which my therapist suggested.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
It's true that it's hard to recover from heroin, but I know a woman who recently married the partner that had to call 911 when she OD'd. That was ten years ago and she leads a wonderful clean life and is a great wife. I'm actually taking the fact that your boyfriend told you about his habit before he OD'd as a good sign. Good luck to you both.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 408
My ex boyfriend was an opiate addict (well, everything addict, he'd do anything he could get his hands on but his DOC was opiates...) He overdosed last August and was able to get clean for a few months...until he relapsed and started using crack. I finally ended things after a 2 year struggle with ins and outs of his sobriety.
The best thing I could ever do (for him) and for me, was to step back and focus on taking care of myself.
Sending you prayers and hugs.
The best thing I could ever do (for him) and for me, was to step back and focus on taking care of myself.
Sending you prayers and hugs.
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