Keep falling victim to the AV
 

Like the title states the AV keeps haunting me. I will go for a week or 2 then the AV kicks in and I end up convincing myself that I deserve a few beers and its only one day, well we all know that once the AV gets a taste it just wants more so I end up drinking for a day or 2 more then realise the mistake and quit again for a week or 2. Just writing this as it helps me fight the demon. The biggest problem is the depression I get after a couple of days off the wagon that will last for a few days. I am keeping busy with work, my son, and exercising but I still get bored/lonely and those were always my biggest triggers.

Welcome back QuitForSon. The AV is always there so you need to be prepared. What exactly have you been doing on a daily basis towards your recovery? Do you follow a formal plan of any kind? Perhaps joining a class thread or a daily/weekly thread here could be a good start?

You can do this! :)

What can you decide to do to prevent getting bored and lonely? Make a list of options that would work for you.

Do you have a recovery plan in plalce? As Scott said, it's important to do things every day that will help you to move along the recovery road.

I struggle with this too. What do you do to escape? I mean, I work out, I read, I am busy with my sons schedule, but there is only so much one can do. I eventually want to escape this world for just a few hours, so I drink.

What's your commitment to sobriety if you are so easily talked out of it? Have you fully grasped "not drinking" in its totality? It's not something you can bargain with. You have to be all in. That means a program of recovery that affirms and maintains your desire to be sober.

Yeah, I'm with Carl. All in. Never drinking no matter what happens.

Make the commitment and then don't pick up that first drink. If we did it, you can do it. The thoughts of drinking are going to come. I just say, "Hm. There's that thought again." Then I don't drink.

That is the moment where recovery happens. Between the thought and the reaction. That moment.

Quit, welcome back. As long as I left an opening for drinking I was always setting myself up to fail. Once you start negotiating with your AV, the battle is lost for the day.

Once I completely took drinking away as an option, a huge weight was lifted. Still tough, but I knew I didn't have the option that "I might drink again someday". Now, I don't drink... simple as that.

We all have down time, lonely time, bored time and times that we are just negative on life in general. I know I do. You've got to fight through those times. Realize that if you drink today, tomorrow will be worse than if you stayed sober.

Not drinking isn't easy for any of us... but it is doable and the reward you get is being able to live life on your terms. Don't let your AV dictate how your life plays out. We never know how many tomorrows we have left. I lost 20 years of memories to drinking, I'm not letting my AV ride shotgun for another minute.

Stay strong Quit, you can do this.

Wanting/attempting to escape is part of the problem I faced and I had to learn healthy coping techniques. Dealing with life on it's own terms is part of the core of recovery itself. You really don't escape but rather face the issues up front and find ways to deal with the ones you can and pass on the ones that you cant.

Here's a great thread if you are looking for "something to do"
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

Scott's link is excellent Quit & Jules

Sobriety comes by accepting that we are not able to drink safely or responsibly

My advice for both is write a plan mean it stick to it go mtns online or in person there are 12 steps there is secular

There is different types of therapy that will help with anxiety, depression & mental health

Speaking to a Dr regularly esp in early sobriety will help they will help along the way

So will SR

The important bit is its down on you though how bad do you want it ?

Here is some useful links

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

I remember when you first posted. I believe you need a more comprehensive plan. A program for recovery....exercise is great, and a good part of any plan but you need more. Maybe try logging in here a couple times a day, even just to post how you're doing. Maybe look into AA or Smart or rational. Therapy? Something more I think.

This is a situation where you have to disabuse yourself of the "victim" mentality. You aren't a victim. Even though we all talk about the AV as if it were a corporeal entity, it's not. So drinking is a choice. It's something we talk ourselves into.

I don't drink no matter what. There are days I want to drink. But I don't. Every day I come on SR and read or post. Every day I reach out to people in real life who are in recovery. Every day I practice gratitude for what I have and for my continued sobriety. If bad things happen, I buckle down and double my efforts. If I'm bored, I look at what I'm doing to contribute to boredom.

This isn't easy but you can do it. But you can't drink. No matter what.

Welcome back QuitForSon!!

You can do this, but for me I needed to try something new to make Sobriety happen, change things up a bit, tweak my plan!!

You can do this!! :)

This. :)

Quitting is an all in deal. If you want to you can by accepting that it is an all in "thing" .
Stopping drinking for periods of time, or decreasing the amount and time drinking never ending in quitting for me because I never accepted the all in -ness of quitting. My AV (even before I acknowledged "it" or named it) was the thinking that it was inevitable that at some point in the future I may drink, it was a self fulfilling prophecy because I had yet to decide to Quit, the furthest I got was to recognize that I should stop, but then stopping short of making a commitment.
You can make a commitment to never drinking again, but you have to do it, have to consciously make the decision , all the way down . Make that commitment to yourself , you deserve it, it's doable.
When the AV rears its idiotic head, the answer is No, no matter what.

Hi QFS :)

It took me a while to really grasp that the AV/Inner addict/UrgeMonster - call it what you will...really has no power of its own.

It needs us to get whatever it's wanting - it needs us to get the booze to open the booze and to pour it down our throats.

Yes its 'voice' is annoying and persistent but we can refuse to engage with it.

Urge Surfing is a really useful tool - it teaches us to stand outside the craving - observing it but not being a part of it...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Coping With Cravings and Urges

and like a wave it will rise, peak, and then fall...the discomfort will end, all on its own, without us buying a bottle :)

If you can stand a little temporary discomfort and not give your addictive self what it wants, it will grow weaker and weaker and weaker, until one day it's no longer a determinant in your life :)

D

In early sobriety, I made myself very aware that my AV would love to see me dead.

Its clear you have the ability to remain sober as you've done it. I could be wrong but it sounds like you are an emotional drinker. A certain emotion (loneliness/boredome) trigger a drinking session. Then of course the guilt and shane follow. Maybe focus on that portion and try to get to the bottom of it. Just an idea.

I have figured out my problem thanks to all the great replies and other threads. It seems that I am like many many others that cant seem to tell themselves that they must never drink again. The forever part is hard to tell myself, I know that I am sabotaging my quitting efforts as I always tell myself that I will be able to have a couple drinks sometime in the future and the cycle repeats again. I don't have any real plan and that is probably why I am struggling more than I need to. I only started my sobriety in late may of this year (may 24th) and quit for 2 months. Then after trying to be a normal or in control drinker I have been off and on for the last 2 months or so, I usually stop for maybe 2 weeks then drink for a few days then stop for 1 week and on and on it goes. I know what I need to do but it is hard to say forever to myself.

So perhaps you could seek some help to make that choice? Have you ever considered joining a recovery group like AA/LiferRing/Smart? Being physically in the presence of others seeking the same thing that you are can be very helpful, especially during early recovery.

Reading materials associated with formal recovery groups ( AA Big Book, AVRT materials, etc ) can also help you define/accept your alcoholism.

QuitForSon.... This is working for me.. I posted on other thread. Here it is...
A good support team is the key i found. I went to AA , and got as many numbers as i could, talked to as many people as I could. Will be uncomftable at first, but AA members are truly good people, and ready to help and listen to you. I talk daily to as many people as i can. I goto meetings daily, I CANNOT DO IT ALONE!!, and Iam powerless. Get a sponsor also. AA may not be for everybody, but it is working for me, and Iam just sharing my experience. These forums are an awesome tool to have. But I found I really needed to go out and listen, and talk face to face with other alcoholics. A sponsor I know said something the other day. He has been sober 9 years. He said , What ever makes you uncomftable in the beginning of your sobriety.... Do It !!
Just try an open speaker meeting...Shake peoples hands, give them a hug, interact, they wont turn you down.
If AA is not for you, then find sober friends, as many as you can.
A sober friendship is the best kind. This disease is the devil. But if i can find one positive out of it, it is that i have met the best people through recovery.
Alcoholics were the only people that truly understood what i was going through.
Just saying what is working for me.
You dont have to beat this disease alone, just have to put yourself out there.. There are people willing to help.
One day at a time.....