ElleDee

I have a friend who knows I can't drink. I told her almost a year ago that I don't drink anymore. At the time I told her I go to AA and have a sponsor. She drinks and has admitted that she's a "functioning alcoholic" and that as soon as she can't handle it anymore, she will call me... not sure why, so I can take her a meeting? Whatever. But her daughter runs a bar and she constantly invites me to the bar with her. She says "I don't know what you status is these days" but we're having food a half time at ---- bar, you should come down and join us.

Oh it makes me kinda mad! She just doesn't get it!

I'm done venting. What would you say to her?

Anna

I think you've said it all and they're not listening.

Maybe it's time to take a step back from this friendship for awhile?

ElleDee

I think so too. It was okay for a while but she's done this now twice in the last couple of weeks. I will play it cool for a while. Thanks Anna.

LBrain

No thank you, enjoy yourself.

Short and sweet

silentrun

When I quit I think my friends were surprised it wasn't one of those things people say but end up drinking a couple weeks later. I would tell her that going to a bar, even to have a meal , makes you feel uncomfortable. I have a friend that keeps inviting me to events like this because she misses me and drinking activities are her whole life now. I have gone out to eat with her were there is alcohol but that's not a trigger for me. It's not like we could go to a movie together.

ScottFromWI

Good advice here. She most likely does not understand her own problem so she of course woudln't be able to understand yours either. Backing away and staying firm but polite with your responses when necessary sounds like a good plan.

Ohme

I have so many friends like this, that just don't think my sobriety is real or that its only temporary. The thing I would say is nothing, as in gently moving this person out of your inner circle.

Frank14

I wonder if she would invite someone with an uncontrollable gambling problem to a casino. She doesn't sound like someone who ultimately has your best interests in mind. What's your status? You're an alcoholic who's trying to stop drinking, that's your status! You're in the fight of your life at this point. Functioning alcoholic. Yeah right...

Carver

Yeah, people don't get it at all.

"Oh you don't drink? But you can have a couple, surely."

"Drink beer, it's barely alcohol."

"C'mon, have a night off from sobriety."

If a person keeps pushing, they get pushed out of my life I'm blessed with a couple of good friends who don't get it, but at least accept it.

teatreeoil007

With 'friends' like that....sheesh!

Boxer

I would tell her politely but in an unwavering cadence that my "status these days" is the same as last time she asked....permanent.

PurpleKnight

No harm in taking some time away from this relationship, protect your Sobriety at all costs!!

Jsober

Yeah it's tough, you can't control how people respond to your sobriety. You can only focus on what you want for you.
I had to cut a few friends out that just wouldn't get it. It seems the ones who had a problem with alcohol had the biggest problem with my sobriety. My guess is that it made/makes them uncomfortable because they might have to look at themselves. It's easier for them if everyone stays on there path.
I would just tell your friend no when it comes to those events and remind her that you are walking the sober path.

esinger

I doubt any malice is intended. This person obviously misses your company and wants to spend time with you in a familiar setting. If this person knows you have quit drinking, try and explain that that environment makes you uncomfortable. If that doesn't work I guess you have to make a clean break.
I've had several of these situations. Those relationships that were strictly based on drinking are now pretty much nonexistent. Those people who learn to understand my plight are still around. You find out who your real friends are.
Remember you can't expect others to change just because you have.