Relapse after a year sober
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Originally Posted by brokenandflawed 
Hey Fluffer - thank you, this is an interesting perspective. I might be a perfectionist, that's true. I am for sure an "all or nothing" type - either I go all out or I don't go. That should be my first clue that moderation with alcohol is improbable for me. Anyway, thank you for the insight and book recommendation - will look it up now! 
I agree, stop beating yourself up. Relax. Everything will be okay and you can do this. You are motivated and that is half the battle. Maybe you cannot "moderate" when it comes to your addiction...you cannot go there...but you can moderate in other areas of you life. Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
Hi B&F,
Of course you can do this. No question, it stings to fall off after some sober time but you can refocus & continue.
I had 3 years, then drank for three. Now into sober year 5. I got complacent & thought I was cured. Stopped trying & quickly lost a great deal, then drank on that. Bleugh!
It can and must be done!
Max
Of course you can do this. No question, it stings to fall off after some sober time but you can refocus & continue.
I had 3 years, then drank for three. Now into sober year 5. I got complacent & thought I was cured. Stopped trying & quickly lost a great deal, then drank on that. Bleugh!
It can and must be done!
Max
Hang in there.
Freedom--May--2012
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: So Cal
Posts: 38
B&F,
I wasted much of my youth because of alcohol.. I also run marathons now, and am fitter in my 40's than I ever was in my 20's-30's.. I realized after quitting alcohol that I'm an all or nothing personality.. Pick the things in life that are important and satisfying, in a positive way, and you will build a life that has no room or time for alcohol..
Moderation!!! I don't even know what that word means.. Ha ha ha
I wasted much of my youth because of alcohol.. I also run marathons now, and am fitter in my 40's than I ever was in my 20's-30's.. I realized after quitting alcohol that I'm an all or nothing personality.. Pick the things in life that are important and satisfying, in a positive way, and you will build a life that has no room or time for alcohol..
Moderation!!! I don't even know what that word means.. Ha ha ha
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 9
Hi Broken,
I can definitely relate to being hard on myself and striving for perfection. I went two years sober back in 96-98 and accomplished some amazing things(for me, lol) in that time period.
I had been a combat soldier from 84-96 and in the beginning I could do no wrong. My command and superiors always loved me and initially my occasional drinking escapades were just dismissed as one of our good guys blowing off steam.
Although I loved my job and career I never fully drank the koolaide as a lifer and as time went on my drinking and problems got worse and worse. Eventually I found myself in front of a review board that decided my services were no longer required by the US Army.
I was devestated to say the least and this began my 2 year sobriety period. As a sober, highly driven person I finished my college degree(honor graduate, top in my curriculum) I had started years before, married my girl friend of 3 years, started a family and landed a dream job in electrical engineering operations. All that in just two years of sobriety, I went from losing everything to having more than I ever imagined.
And then,,,yes, you guessed it, I decided that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't really an alcoholic, and I started drinking again. Oh but it was going to be different this time. Never again will I stay out into the wee hours or drink and drive. No sir, this time I'm going to be responsible,,,,,yeah, right!
What I turned into was a calculating super-functional closet drinking alcoholic. Oh I've had a couple really close calls at work but the worst of it is what I put my wife and kids through over the years.
Since that 2 year sobriety period back in the late 90's I've had two other runs of about a year each where I went to AA and stayed clean. Suprisingly those are the times when both my work and family life excelled, but again I convinced myself that perhaps I'm not a alcoholic when things were going really well.
What I've come to realize is that when it comes to stopping drinking I am a complete failure. And thus with that, finally the understanding came to me. Why am I such a failure at this when I have excelled in so many other things in life, why, because I am truly powerless over alcohol.
It will beat me every time, it's a war I cannot win. The only thing I can do is not drink today. I may fail tommorow, but today I will not drink!
I've been back in recovery for only 3 weeks and as someone mentioned earlier you do develop recovery muscles that are still there. Through AA and other counseling I've got over 4 years of scattered sobriety and in that time I've learned a lot of tools to help keep me sober.
For me it's all about the initial steps and realization that I am absolutely powerless over alcohol and without the help of others I will fail and convince myself that I can handle something that I've proven to myself many times that I can't.
It's easy to look back and wish I had never went back to drinking years ago. There's nothing I can do about that now, but I can "not drink" today!
Best Wishes!
I can definitely relate to being hard on myself and striving for perfection. I went two years sober back in 96-98 and accomplished some amazing things(for me, lol) in that time period.
I had been a combat soldier from 84-96 and in the beginning I could do no wrong. My command and superiors always loved me and initially my occasional drinking escapades were just dismissed as one of our good guys blowing off steam.
Although I loved my job and career I never fully drank the koolaide as a lifer and as time went on my drinking and problems got worse and worse. Eventually I found myself in front of a review board that decided my services were no longer required by the US Army.
I was devestated to say the least and this began my 2 year sobriety period. As a sober, highly driven person I finished my college degree(honor graduate, top in my curriculum) I had started years before, married my girl friend of 3 years, started a family and landed a dream job in electrical engineering operations. All that in just two years of sobriety, I went from losing everything to having more than I ever imagined.
And then,,,yes, you guessed it, I decided that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't really an alcoholic, and I started drinking again. Oh but it was going to be different this time. Never again will I stay out into the wee hours or drink and drive. No sir, this time I'm going to be responsible,,,,,yeah, right!
What I turned into was a calculating super-functional closet drinking alcoholic. Oh I've had a couple really close calls at work but the worst of it is what I put my wife and kids through over the years.
Since that 2 year sobriety period back in the late 90's I've had two other runs of about a year each where I went to AA and stayed clean. Suprisingly those are the times when both my work and family life excelled, but again I convinced myself that perhaps I'm not a alcoholic when things were going really well.
What I've come to realize is that when it comes to stopping drinking I am a complete failure. And thus with that, finally the understanding came to me. Why am I such a failure at this when I have excelled in so many other things in life, why, because I am truly powerless over alcohol.
It will beat me every time, it's a war I cannot win. The only thing I can do is not drink today. I may fail tommorow, but today I will not drink!
I've been back in recovery for only 3 weeks and as someone mentioned earlier you do develop recovery muscles that are still there. Through AA and other counseling I've got over 4 years of scattered sobriety and in that time I've learned a lot of tools to help keep me sober.
For me it's all about the initial steps and realization that I am absolutely powerless over alcohol and without the help of others I will fail and convince myself that I can handle something that I've proven to myself many times that I can't.
It's easy to look back and wish I had never went back to drinking years ago. There's nothing I can do about that now, but I can "not drink" today!
Best Wishes!
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