Ohme

I came to a realization today; I really don't know who I am without being a drinker. I love to cook (down a bottle before and during dinner), travel (new people to drink with, new locations to drink at), working out (burn off wine cals) and interior design (for parties). There are many more aspects of my personality and ways I self-identify and not one of them isn't deeply rooted in my addiction. When I picture my future without alcohol, I really don't know what to picture. Travelling and cooking don't seem fun or worth it without wine, time with friends just seems tedious, have a nice home seems useless without parties. (When I write it, it sounds so stupid but that is really how I feel). I really do believe this fear is part of what keeping me from committing to sobriety. I am terrified that if I lose alcohol I will also lose all of the things in my life that I love. Does that make sense? Can you relate and how did you cope with that?

I'm 32 and I havent gone more than 3-4 days in a row without a drink for 14 years (but usually the most I'll go is 1-2). Before I was drinking like that, I had weed, and before that, I used coffee and sugar to make myself hyper and feel different. This is behaviour I have always had it seems, so you can see how my whole personality seems rooted in it.

Not making excuses but just looking for advice on how others might have dealt with similar feelings. You guys are wonderful.

Nonsensical

That's because when you're writing you're thinking, not feeling. The addiction works on us emotionally, not logically. There's no logical reason for me to drink again, but I sometimes still feel like drinking.

Fear of sobriety is a hallmark of addiction. I was loaded with it. It gets better. Google "anhedonia and addiction". Your joy for things will return, but it takes a few months.

Best of Luck on Your Journey!

doggonecarl

It's going to take more than a few days sober to really grasp that sobriety, that a life without alcohol isn't punishment.

Since you rationally are aware that the fear of a life without alcohol makes no sense, what do you suppose those thoughts are? Where those fears originate?

They are from your addiction, who is afraid of not having alcohol, who fears the sober life. Your addiction could care less about your fun.

I drank for thirty five years before I quit. But there was a time when I didn't drink...admittedly I was young...but that realization sustained me. You can get back to the person who didn't rely on substances to have fun. But you have to be willing to try.

Soberwolf

I'm 33 I still don't know who I am in the sense I'm still finding out we all are

Sobriety gives us this chance to find out who we really are I'm loving it even on bad days I learn something

Soberwolf

I'm 33 I still don't know who I am in the sense I'm still finding out we all are

Sobriety gives us this chance to find out who we really are I'm loving it even on bad days I learn something

saoutchik

I understand where you are coming from Ohme but I think you will be pleasantly surprised at how good it is those things you do sober. I think the only thing you will obviously have to stop are the parties.

For people like us it can be hard to accept that most people cook, exercise, travel etc without excessive drinking, we are the minority

You have to give yourself some sober time so that you can work out how to live sober and have fun, have a social life etc etc.

I'm sure you will do it Ohme

Ohme

Thanks guys. It really is hard to imagine that some people don't drink. It seems like I set my life up to be surrounded by drinkers and drinking events. Even if people don't drink too much they still always seem to have a beer/wine with dinner. And being the one who "can't" really does feel like a punishment for being the girl who couldn't handle it.

ScottFromWI

Your feelings here are very, very common. And yes, our addiction does "set our life up" so that we are constantly surrounded ( by our own doing ) with alcohol. I also couldn't fathom not having a beer with a meal or having a beer in my hand while I grilled dinner on a nice summer day. Or not having a beer at the ready while mowing the lawn. Or not having a beer when........ Until you realize that the activities themselves are really not relevant. As an alcoholic we drink...simple as that. We find ways to drink no matter what we are doing, no matter what the weather is, no matter who is there, etc.

The good news is that you can be the same person you were before, just better. You can still cook, travel, really do anything you want. And you can do it all without alcohol, there are plenty of people who do.

The hard part is accepting that alcohol is simply not an option anymore - that there is no pill you can take or book you can read that can make you back into a "regular" drinker. Once that's set in your mind recovery can begin.

ccam1973

Welcome Ohme. Some good advice here already. If you are willing to re-define your life without the burden of alcohol, I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. Don't get me wrong, it is a process and takes effort, but what you get out of it is so worth the energy you put in.

I don't think there has been a single day that I have been sober and woken up the next day and said to myself... I sure wish I had drank last night!

You won't regret not drinking today. Life is so much better without alcohol.

Glad you found us.

wehav2day

Hi ohme. I am also a foodie. It took a little while to learn to cook without wine, but as my obsession to drink went away, so did my desire to cook with wine all the time. I really wanted to cook with wine because I wanted to drink while I cooked.

I still crack a favorite drink, put on npr, and start cooking dinner after work. Only now it's fizzy water in my glass.

I still hang out and dine with my old friends. Some drink, some don't. I was surprised to find out how little the drinkers actually drink now that they aren't keeping pace with me or each other.

It takes a little time, but you can enjoy all the things that make you happy again after a bit of sober time.

Hevyn

Well stated, Ohme. I understand completely.

I felt the same way at your age. So I did nothing to stop alcohol from controlling my life. I couldn't imagine getting by without my friend, my comforter. I insisted I could manage it & use willpower to avoid disaster. As the years went by it took more & more to achieve the same effect. I swore I'd never drive drunk, never go to work drunk, never drink all day - but in the end, I did all that and more. I knew, as you do, that I was headed for disaster. I'm so glad you're looking at what alcohol is doing to your life. When I came to SR I was drinking 'round the clock, never drawing a sober breath. This never needs to happen to you down the line. As the others said, it takes time to adjust to your 'new normal' - but you'll be saving yourself so much grief.

We're glad you're here.

Hereandnow2

You sound just like me! Stopped drinking at age 36 though😀I'm almost 16 months now. When I first stopped I didn't think I'd ever have fun again but knew I had to stop. I barely cooked for the first year, it was so triggering for me! Now I can say that I do everything sober. I'm still super social in fact I'm having 5o people over for a party in two weeks. Alcohol just started taking too much from me, my time from hangovers, my dignity, and especially being truly present with my kids. Please pm me if you need anything. You can do this and have fun, I promise.

Opie2713

I'm on Day 4 and it is imperative that I completely quit drinking. I too am now thinking Now What? How Will I Function? Today I have really been thinking a lot about it and at one point almost felt panicked.
I keep trying to convince myself I will be a better person without wine. I also tell myself I will probably gain more respect from others.

Reset

I went to an event a few weeks ago where I knew there would be drinking and I was a bit concerned that I might let myself get sucked in. Instead I was surprised to find out that people were drinking less than I thought they did (imagine that!). I bet you'll find out something similar if you go about your normal activities.

Regarding travel, the best vacation I ever took was when I had been sober for around 4 months. I started out saying that I would stay sober until that trip, but by the time it came around I wasn't interested in drinking and it was a blast. You can do it. A trip through the wine country might not be the wisest choice but there are lots of ways to travel without booze. You know Andrew Zimmern doesn't drink right?

The cooking thing I totally get. I'm still having a hard time re-discovering my love of cooking. It seems like a chore more than anything. But I'll keep at it until I find the light again - or until I decide to find other hobbies.

MelindaFlowers

I knew one thing for sure: I didn't like who I was when I was drinking. That's for sure. I could have turned into bozo the clown when I was sober and it would've been preferable to the drinking/hungover me.

blueberry2015

I could of wrote this post myself! I feel very much the same, and its bewildering. To be honest Ive not so much advice as Im still riding it, but just wanted to let you know that I SO relate x

helpimalive

I relate to this post some. I'm only nine days sober, and I'm already asking myself the question: Do I really like the things I thought I liked? Or did I just like them because of how they jived with booze?

I'm sort of afraid that maybe I have to start the entire process of figuring out what things I like over again.

Dee74

None of us knew who'd we'd be - but when the other choice is death you make the leasp and hope it'll be ok.

It's been way way more than OK for me - I changed my life - and I found out I actually liked who I was sober.

Give it a chance Ohme

D

dru1085

Yeah I'm right there with the above posts. I was scared to death to think I can never drink again but usually I had a few drinks in me from the previous day making me trigger that fear emotion. See what it's like to go 10 20 30 days ... and then re evaluate when your brain and mind is clearer. I'm 10 days now and the fear emotion is easier battled. Easier , not easy ... I still have anxiety and other obstacles but this place helps a lot.
Cheers

Dru -