Tough time dealing with reality
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
Tough time dealing with reality
I have to admit the weekend was rough. Before I quit drinking my wife and I would either be at our house drinking and hanging out or we'd be out somewhere doing the same thing. I miss the good times we had. Each weekend was fun with the time we spent together. Sometimes I think it sucks that I can't drink, but I quickly remember the alternative. Days of drinking and not remembering much isn't the route I want to go on. I'm fearful of my fate that awaits me when I have to attend court for my DUI charges. I sear not one waking moment goes by throughout the day that I don't think about it. Will I lose my job? Will I be on house arrest? How much in fines do I have to pay? Is my life going to be turned upside down? etc. I know I'm torturing myself with these thoughts. I just can't stop dwelling on a future that I think is doomed. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: North Texas
Posts: 183
Hey getright. Sorry you had a rough weekend. I think the best thing you've done so far is admit that you have a problem and you want to quit. You are here and posting for a reason... I drank heavily for 10 years starting at 21 ish. I have been sober for the first time in years for 8 days now. I made it through the weekend. It wasnt easy to be sure.
I always fear I cant have fun without drinking but that was the alcohol mind poisoning you. After 8 days I can think so much clearer and I have been able to go back to the things i used to do drunk, sober. You just have to get past that first phase that you control the urges and not let alcohol run your life. You can have just as much fun with your friends or family with a lemonade or other nice drink in your hands.
You just have to find alternatives.
I got a DUI when i was 21 , and It was a game changer for me. Its not worth the risk , money, and stress. Now is the time to quit. Everytime you think of drinking come here and read some posts, post yourself to get ur mind off it. Keep your head up mate.
Cheers
Dru-
I always fear I cant have fun without drinking but that was the alcohol mind poisoning you. After 8 days I can think so much clearer and I have been able to go back to the things i used to do drunk, sober. You just have to get past that first phase that you control the urges and not let alcohol run your life. You can have just as much fun with your friends or family with a lemonade or other nice drink in your hands.
You just have to find alternatives. I got a DUI when i was 21 , and It was a game changer for me. Its not worth the risk , money, and stress. Now is the time to quit. Everytime you think of drinking come here and read some posts, post yourself to get ur mind off it. Keep your head up mate.
Cheers
Dru-
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
You will have fun again GIR. None of us here would stay sober if that wasn't true 
Whats more - my life is awesome, now - still with it's ups and downs but I know that better days will always be ahead and I feel happy and at peace.
No reason why you can't feel the same way in time, man.
As for the court - I've heard good news from so many people who fronted up and showed the judge how they'd changed and what they were doing to stay sober.
Many have walked out way better off than they expected to be
I hope you'll have a similar happy outcome.
I wish you the best - good luck, man
D
Whats more - my life is awesome, now - still with it's ups and downs but I know that better days will always be ahead and I feel happy and at peace.
No reason why you can't feel the same way in time, man.
As for the court - I've heard good news from so many people who fronted up and showed the judge how they'd changed and what they were doing to stay sober.
Many have walked out way better off than they expected to be
I hope you'll have a similar happy outcome.
I wish you the best - good luck, man
D
Chances
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Gosford, NSW
Posts: 110
I miss the systematic normality that drinking brought. I'm presently trying to deal with the god awful rubbish management spews on me at work, the struggle to maintain a relationship with my kids and need to fill my day.
At present I'm run down. The answer when drinking was simple. Go to the pub, instead of drinking at home alone and end up speaking to some other person at the bar about nothing or everything. Today I walked home, wondering what I'd do to fill my time and get this sad event of another day over.
I can feel the stress and anxiety inside me - I remember beer would just wash that away and replace it with a screw them attitude - they don't count. I just find myself fixated on the next day now, the ongoing problems at work, missing my kids and knowing their isn't a constant in my life at present from which I can build a solution upon.
I know drinking is a long term death sentence at the end of a gloomy road but I can't help but remember the 'good times', the 'something to do' and the feeling of relief it brought at the moment.
I question if I'll ever be a 'non drinker' in terms of stress, daily routine, work and socialising. I know I'll be an alcoholic for ever drinking or not but I wonder if a day will come when it isn't such a major aspect of my life. I stopped drinking on 1st Jan this year, drunk for 5 days in March and none since but everyday is a day in many ways defined by alcohol. I can't imagine what a life without alcohol being a major factor would feel like. I think in reality my greatest drive sometimes is my desire to 'win' by not drinking. Another false reality created by an alcoholic to try to convince himself that he is normal or not weak. I know I won't drink today, tomorrow or this week but I wonder if my motivation to prove myself to me - my fantasy that I hold that I can be a normal functioning person who isn't governed in some way by alcohol. I often remind myself that to be successful I must stop drinking for me, but then I wonder 'who am I'. Presently that's a number of roles plays - differing for work and different social situations and even again for AA meeting which I haven't attended in a few weeks. In all honesty I began to think about what I would say if I shared. I know people listened and as such I wondered if I would contradict myself and be seen as fake or 'pretending to be something or someone' - which is the norm for drinking alcoholics.
If only I could go back in time and grab myself by the throat and knock sense into me before alcohol robbed me of that - if I ever had it at all.
At present I'm run down. The answer when drinking was simple. Go to the pub, instead of drinking at home alone and end up speaking to some other person at the bar about nothing or everything. Today I walked home, wondering what I'd do to fill my time and get this sad event of another day over.
I can feel the stress and anxiety inside me - I remember beer would just wash that away and replace it with a screw them attitude - they don't count. I just find myself fixated on the next day now, the ongoing problems at work, missing my kids and knowing their isn't a constant in my life at present from which I can build a solution upon.
I know drinking is a long term death sentence at the end of a gloomy road but I can't help but remember the 'good times', the 'something to do' and the feeling of relief it brought at the moment.
I question if I'll ever be a 'non drinker' in terms of stress, daily routine, work and socialising. I know I'll be an alcoholic for ever drinking or not but I wonder if a day will come when it isn't such a major aspect of my life. I stopped drinking on 1st Jan this year, drunk for 5 days in March and none since but everyday is a day in many ways defined by alcohol. I can't imagine what a life without alcohol being a major factor would feel like. I think in reality my greatest drive sometimes is my desire to 'win' by not drinking. Another false reality created by an alcoholic to try to convince himself that he is normal or not weak. I know I won't drink today, tomorrow or this week but I wonder if my motivation to prove myself to me - my fantasy that I hold that I can be a normal functioning person who isn't governed in some way by alcohol. I often remind myself that to be successful I must stop drinking for me, but then I wonder 'who am I'. Presently that's a number of roles plays - differing for work and different social situations and even again for AA meeting which I haven't attended in a few weeks. In all honesty I began to think about what I would say if I shared. I know people listened and as such I wondered if I would contradict myself and be seen as fake or 'pretending to be something or someone' - which is the norm for drinking alcoholics.
If only I could go back in time and grab myself by the throat and knock sense into me before alcohol robbed me of that - if I ever had it at all.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Many times if I’m in a quandary I can’t do anything about I need to accept the things I can’t
Change.
Many of us alcoholics are “control freaks” and acceptance is very difficult until we truly change that characteristic.
BE WELL
Many times if I’m in a quandary I can’t do anything about I need to accept the things I can’t
Change.
Many of us alcoholics are “control freaks” and acceptance is very difficult until we truly change that characteristic.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by getright15 
I'm fearful of my fate that awaits me when I have to attend court for my DUI charges.
Will I lose my job?
Will I be on house arrest?
How much in fines do I have to pay?
Is my life going to be turned upside down? etc.
Will I lose my job?
Will I be on house arrest?
How much in fines do I have to pay?
Is my life going to be turned upside down? etc.
I've done jail time due to my drinking -- 4 1/2 months twice
And let's not forget DUI driving school -- expensive and boring
After 8 years sober here still paying high risk insurance
2 thousand a year
The good news
most alcoholics that I know who stay sober
have these major types of problems no more in their life.
Mountainmanbob
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74
You will have fun again GIR. None of us here would stay sober if that wasn't true
Whats more - my life is awesome, now - still with it's ups and downs but I know that better days will always be ahead and I feel happy and at peace.
No reason why you can't feel the same way in time, man.
As for the court - I've heard good news from so many people who fronted up and showed the judge how they'd changed and what they were doing to stay sober.
Many have walked out way better off than they expected to be
I hope you'll have a similar happy outcome.
I wish you the best - good luck, man
D
Whats more - my life is awesome, now - still with it's ups and downs but I know that better days will always be ahead and I feel happy and at peace.
No reason why you can't feel the same way in time, man.
As for the court - I've heard good news from so many people who fronted up and showed the judge how they'd changed and what they were doing to stay sober.
Many have walked out way better off than they expected to be
I hope you'll have a similar happy outcome.
I wish you the best - good luck, man
D
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: NorCal
Posts: 42
I too find it hard to deal with "missing the socialness" of drinking at times, BUT it does pass and is totally worth it... I hope everything turns out okay with the legal system... once it's over you can move on... stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Have you got a court date yet?
I know what you mean about all those worried churning around - I remember it well (not that I often had any 'serious' worries, apart from the morning after fears; I was just expert at turning them serious through over thinking everything. Thanks goodness that I don't fall into that trap so much now - that step work has really made a difference for me). Anyway - it's a horrible place to be. Please, keep working at your sobriety. This would feel tonnes worse if you were still drinking as you'd probably be getting more angry and self-pitying as well as projecting about job; finances; licence; jail; etc. You're doing great. This is a tough time, but at least you know that you have made all the right choices since the day of your DUI, and that's all you can do. It will pass, and you're not adding new incidents to that one to have to deal with later.
Hope that date rolls round soon.
I know what you mean about all those worried churning around - I remember it well (not that I often had any 'serious' worries, apart from the morning after fears; I was just expert at turning them serious through over thinking everything. Thanks goodness that I don't fall into that trap so much now - that step work has really made a difference for me). Anyway - it's a horrible place to be. Please, keep working at your sobriety. This would feel tonnes worse if you were still drinking as you'd probably be getting more angry and self-pitying as well as projecting about job; finances; licence; jail; etc. You're doing great. This is a tough time, but at least you know that you have made all the right choices since the day of your DUI, and that's all you can do. It will pass, and you're not adding new incidents to that one to have to deal with later.
Hope that date rolls round soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
I have court on October 27th and again on December 7th.
Originally Posted by Beccybean
Have you got a court date yet?
I know what you mean about all those worried churning around - I remember it well (not that I often had any 'serious' worries, apart from the morning after fears; I was just expert at turning them serious through over thinking everything. Thanks goodness that I don't fall into that trap so much now - that step work has really made a difference for me). Anyway - it's a horrible place to be. Please, keep working at your sobriety. This would feel tonnes worse if you were still drinking as you'd probably be getting more angry and self-pitying as well as projecting about job; finances; licence; jail; etc. You're doing great. This is a tough time, but at least you know that you have made all the right choices since the day of your DUI, and that's all you can do. It will pass, and you're not adding new incidents to that one to have to deal with later.
Hope that date rolls round soon.
I know what you mean about all those worried churning around - I remember it well (not that I often had any 'serious' worries, apart from the morning after fears; I was just expert at turning them serious through over thinking everything. Thanks goodness that I don't fall into that trap so much now - that step work has really made a difference for me). Anyway - it's a horrible place to be. Please, keep working at your sobriety. This would feel tonnes worse if you were still drinking as you'd probably be getting more angry and self-pitying as well as projecting about job; finances; licence; jail; etc. You're doing great. This is a tough time, but at least you know that you have made all the right choices since the day of your DUI, and that's all you can do. It will pass, and you're not adding new incidents to that one to have to deal with later.
Hope that date rolls round soon.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yes - that's still a while to wait isn't it. It's going to be tough, but you've shown a brilliant attitude to all this so far. Keep doing the work on your sobriety - have you been doing AA step work or am I thinking of someone else?
Mindful meditation, to bring you back to the moment when the noise in your head gets too much can be really useful for relief as well.
Mindful meditation, to bring you back to the moment when the noise in your head gets too much can be really useful for relief as well.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I wish you all the best with the court dates Getright!!
I heard someone say at work the other day "you can only beat what's in front of you" and it's true, worrying about a lot of things you don't need to deal with right now doesn't solve anything, focus on those dates and your Sobriety.
One step at a time and you'll get there!!
I heard someone say at work the other day "you can only beat what's in front of you" and it's true, worrying about a lot of things you don't need to deal with right now doesn't solve anything, focus on those dates and your Sobriety.
One step at a time and you'll get there!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
Yea, it's pretty much count down until the 27th is how I look at it. I've been trying to keep my head up and not focus on it so much. As far as the steps are concerned I don't have a sponsor yet, but I've just been focusing on my IOP for the time being.
Originally Posted by Beccybean
Yes - that's still a while to wait isn't it. It's going to be tough, but you've shown a brilliant attitude to all this so far. Keep doing the work on your sobriety - have you been doing AA step work or am I thinking of someone else?
Mindful meditation, to bring you back to the moment when the noise in your head gets too much can be really useful for relief as well.
Mindful meditation, to bring you back to the moment when the noise in your head gets too much can be really useful for relief as well.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by getright15
... As far as the steps are concerned I don't have a sponsor yet, but I've just been focusing on my IOP for the time being....
For me, much as I get a lot from meetings, and hearing other people's recovery; strength and hope, the real rewards: relief from anxiety; fears; resentments; peace and serenity; etc. came from doing my own step work with my (highly experienced and completely excellent) sponsor. And it was this that helped me build my sobriety tool-kit up.
It might be worth immersing yourself on a more personal level, and building those sobriety muscles, and getting some relief from the fear and anxiety that you are suffering, and could build up further as we get nearer to those court dates.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
I had to remind myself that drinking wasn't fun in the end. Quite the opposite. I felt like crap even when I had a night's worth of booze. I felt terrible before, during, and after drinking. And the before, during, and after phases filled the 24 hours in a day. Fun? Oh my god it was torture.
The fun times I used to think about stopped probably four years before I stopped drinking. For four years I was a nightly maintenance drinker drinking to get rid of the headache and trying to feel less terrible than I did all day, everyday.
The fun times were long gone before I stopped drinking.
The fun times I used to think about stopped probably four years before I stopped drinking. For four years I was a nightly maintenance drinker drinking to get rid of the headache and trying to feel less terrible than I did all day, everyday.
The fun times were long gone before I stopped drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Nevada
Posts: 523
IOP is Intensive Outpatient treatment. It's a 60 day treatment program that I attend 3 days a week for 3 hours a night.
Originally Posted by Beccybean
Sorry if I'm being dim here (not feeling so great at the moment, so may not be as sharp as I'd like just now), but what's IOP. (Now waiting and cringing as it'll probably be something completely obvious lol).
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