Broken-hearted
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 4
Broken-hearted
Hi all, I'm new here. Hoping to get some support and advice. I'm sick and tired of my husband drinking 
( nothing new in here. We've been married for 4 years and have a 1 year old. He's been drinking before me and I'm his 3rd wife. I knew he was but foolishly hoped he would quit once we get married and it wasn't as bad as it's got lately. He functions and works sober but evening is usually tipsy or worse. He can go with just beer sometimes and I'm ok with that but it drives me crazy when he's having stronger staff, at least 3 times a week. Needless to say our marriage become dysfunctional and I'm at that point of deep desperation and stress. We tried couples therapy but it doesn't work well, he simply says he's fine and doesn't admit the problem exists. I started kicking him out when he's drunk, I just can't take him anymore when he's like that. So last Friday I told him to leave and he left saying won't be back for a week. So here I'm all alone with my baby wondering where he is and what is he doing. He hasn't called or texted not even to ask about baby. I'm really depressed and feel like our marriage is over, at the same time can't afford to move out at the moment. Very sad and don't know how to move on with my life staying sane and strong. Thank you.
( nothing new in here. We've been married for 4 years and have a 1 year old. He's been drinking before me and I'm his 3rd wife. I knew he was but foolishly hoped he would quit once we get married and it wasn't as bad as it's got lately. He functions and works sober but evening is usually tipsy or worse. He can go with just beer sometimes and I'm ok with that but it drives me crazy when he's having stronger staff, at least 3 times a week. Needless to say our marriage become dysfunctional and I'm at that point of deep desperation and stress. We tried couples therapy but it doesn't work well, he simply says he's fine and doesn't admit the problem exists. I started kicking him out when he's drunk, I just can't take him anymore when he's like that. So last Friday I told him to leave and he left saying won't be back for a week. So here I'm all alone with my baby wondering where he is and what is he doing. He hasn't called or texted not even to ask about baby. I'm really depressed and feel like our marriage is over, at the same time can't afford to move out at the moment. Very sad and don't know how to move on with my life staying sane and strong. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: California
Posts: 1,428
So sorry Diyana, you are in a tough situation. There is a Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum a little further down on this site, I am sure you will find lots of support there from people going through the same thing. Speaking for myself as the alcoholic, we are very selfish when active in our addiction, and denial can run very deep.
I wish you the best, you have found the right place for support.
I wish you the best, you have found the right place for support.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to SR, Diyana! I'm sorry about your husband's drinking. It's really hard if not impossible to force someone to change if they don't want to. But you should check out the friends and family section and look at Al-Anon if you haven't already.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: North Texas
Posts: 183
My girlfriend used to kick me out when I was drunk too. Shes now my ex - and I know why. I lost a good girl too. My drinking messed that up ... its true its up to him to stop. I dont have any kids but I can imagine its rough and not a good environment . You have support here so keep coming back . We got your back . Keep your head up !
Dru -
Dru -
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: London, England
Posts: 26
You cannot force him to change. That has to come from him.
Luckily for me I have realised I have a problem, and even after all I have put her through, my wife has still stayed with me.
I went for years not admitting I had a problem, and refusing to admit my addiction had any effect on anything or anyone else.
I now realise it has had deep and lasting effects on everybody around me.
My two beautiful daughters are now 11 and 13, the elder of the two is having therapy at school because of the effects of my drinking.
You have to put you and your baby first, making sure you can support your child with or without your partner. If he then does admit he has a problem, and takes steps to recover from his obvious addiction, then great.
But removing your child from such a harmful environment must be the priority.
It may all seem too much to think about in one go, but just concentrate on one thing at a time.
Try to be strong.��
Look after yourself and your child first.
Looking back now, l wish my wife had kicked me out when my daughters were young, but then that's me pushing responsibility back on to her again.
I drank heavily for about 25 years.
About a year ago I finally admitted I had a problem and managed to stop drinking.
I have had 4 or 5 relapses in that year, the last one a ten day bender ending with me on a drip in hospital. That was 5 days ago.
That's the kind of thing you are dealing with, and that's with an addict that has admitted his problem.
I wish you and your child all the best.��
Luckily for me I have realised I have a problem, and even after all I have put her through, my wife has still stayed with me.
I went for years not admitting I had a problem, and refusing to admit my addiction had any effect on anything or anyone else.
I now realise it has had deep and lasting effects on everybody around me.
My two beautiful daughters are now 11 and 13, the elder of the two is having therapy at school because of the effects of my drinking.
You have to put you and your baby first, making sure you can support your child with or without your partner. If he then does admit he has a problem, and takes steps to recover from his obvious addiction, then great.
But removing your child from such a harmful environment must be the priority.
It may all seem too much to think about in one go, but just concentrate on one thing at a time.
Try to be strong.��
Look after yourself and your child first.
Looking back now, l wish my wife had kicked me out when my daughters were young, but then that's me pushing responsibility back on to her again.
I drank heavily for about 25 years.
About a year ago I finally admitted I had a problem and managed to stop drinking.
I have had 4 or 5 relapses in that year, the last one a ten day bender ending with me on a drip in hospital. That was 5 days ago.
That's the kind of thing you are dealing with, and that's with an addict that has admitted his problem.
I wish you and your child all the best.��
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Diyana adn sorry about what you are going through. Like others have said, you can't change him. He is going to have to do that on his own. You can support him if / when he decides he wants to change. You can also set boundaries, but there need to be consequences if he crosses what you have agreed on.
Your first priority is you and your child. Everything else is a distant second.
Check out the Friends and Family Forum here at SR as well.
Your first priority is you and your child. Everything else is a distant second.
Check out the Friends and Family Forum here at SR as well.
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