Lance40

I didn't see this coming at 10.5 months sober when I haven't had a craving in months, but I feel like going home from work where I have the place to myself tonight and getting really drunk while laying on the couch with the music blasting.

I have been under a lot of pressure and stress at work. This morning I woke up with severe anxiety thinking about the work day ahead and for the first time in months the thought crossed my head that I could drink. It passed without much of a mental hook, and I thought I was fine. Still though...I called my sponsor on my walk to work and we are having breakfast early tomorrow for a sobriety check-in.

I had a chat with my manager this morning and we were able to clear up the causes of my anxiety - they were all unfounded fears. I don't know if it's relief or what is going on, but this afternoon I'm having cravings for the first time in months. I forgot how awful they are and how drinking seems like such a logical and natural thing to do.

I'm posting here as part of my plan to get back on track. My sobriety has been founded on a spiritual foundation, and lately I've let go of almost all of my spiritual practices, both personal and corporate. The way I am wired I need to lead a quiet, simple and values-centred life. Lately I have been reaching out for satisfaction and fulfillment in material and financial success, but that vibrant spark of feeling spiritually connected has been slowly going away until I don't feel much of a connection at all these days.

If I don't reconnect, I'm going to fill the void with alcohol or drugs. I can't go down that road again....it simply can't be an option.

Thanks for listening.

Mark1014

Glad you posted Lance!

I think that it's normal to become somewhat introspective as you near the end of your first sober year. I had someone tell me that the first year of sobriety is mostly focused on overcoming the physical addiction and that the second year involves working mentally through many of the things we hid from in alcohol. I need an anchor in my life too and this second year of sobriety will in large part be defining for myself the foundation on which my life is based.

Tracy999

Glad you posted! Sounds like you're recognizing your AV and taking steps to beat it back into submission.

Great job, hang in there!

Anna

I think you've figured out what to do, and I agree with you completely about the spiritual connection. It's essential for me, too.

Soberwolf

Try this Lance it works bud

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Saskia

Lance, that is a very lucid post. I had a rough time at around 7 or 8 months for a different reason. I'm now over a year and feeling really solid. I like your thinking about keeping things simple and having spiritual connections. I'm also glad you reached out to your sponsor and here at SR.

It sounds to me like you will get through this. Recognizing what is happening is at least half the battle or more!

ast1

Stay focused and keep pressing forward. Sometimes when our focus gets off the important thing our spiritual life suffers.

strategery

I'm glad you're posting before picking up Lance.

When I have cravings, I keep on remembering that if it is bad now, if I pick up that drink, the cravings are going to be even worse. Keep hanging in there.

RogerD

Something that really resonated with me was this guy at one of my meetings who was a few days shy of 40 years sober and he spoke briefly of his life - health problems, financial, death of his wife and friends. And then he said, I have learned you don't have to drink. It was the way he said it. Kind of like, I know this sounds crazy but really, no matter what you go through in life, you don't have to have a drink.

RogerD

Just to add, everyone seemed to be looking at him and nodding like, huh, you've got a good point, me included. I know only another alcoholic would say, wow, that makes pretty good sense

Dee74

You can still lie on the couch and turn the volume up to 11 Lance - wearing headphone might be better for the neighbours tho

In all seriousness we have to find new ways to deal with stress and relax.

There's a few in this link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...44-stress.html


D

sugarbear1

There is a meeting in the chat room at 9 EST (in about an hour from now)....come and join in!

Soberwolf

Yes il be at the meeting too Lance its awesome

On The Road

Lance

If you're searching for a spiritual connection, all you have to do is look at the support you've given us here at SR. I've read many of your posts and I find that you are wise and insightful. Once you get through this s*** you're dealing with, you will be more resolute in your sobriety and even better able to offer help to those of us in need.

But for now, I've got your back - Get to the basics - go to bed sober tonight and deal with this anew tomorrow. You can do it.

LBrain

Now that's what I'm talkin about! Posting before you drink.

Way to go Lance. Thanks for reaching out. You'll get through this.
Being aware and mentally prepared is what will see you through.

BUT, if you are still wobbly, call your sponsor again tonight.
You don't want have breakfast with a hangover.

Lance40

I walked home from work reading and re-reading the responses, and I can't begin to say what it's done for me in such a short time. The times I've needed support the most, SR always comes through and I get this feeling like I've been lifted off the ground and am being carried on the shoulders of friends and can just relax and let it all go for a bit because I know I'm safe. I experience it as a physical lightness in my being, and that's when I know that everything is going to be okay. My ego just about kept me from reaching out, but I'm so glad that I did.

Soberwolf

Great job reaching out Lance

teatreeoil007

Your post is helpful to read. I wish I could say I was 10,5 months sober, but I am only 1.5 months sober. I feel better already.

Arbor

Awesome work Lance. So many times we get fooled. Fooled to the point where we don't even care to reach out. You've shown us here what can be done. Your well on your way. Be happy!

debsam

We are all in good hands here Lance. You just proved it.

Ahhh, that damn ego