Day 8 - now what?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 74
and there you have it.. proof i'm human. day 1. curiosity killed the cat.
gonna have to agree about first 90 days being the hardest.. after day 30 you feel great, your mind seems clear, constantly working to find more clever ways to trick you. it worked. no excuse.
flipside however, thankfully i don't feel like a failure. i flat out chose to drink. i could have stopped myself, i didn't. why? because i chose not to stop myself. it's a shame in ways, other ways it was therapeutic. i needed to experience it. the curiosity was killing me. the what-if, the unknown, the dark side. it was weird, i felt like a sober man trapped in a drunk person's body. everything i hated about myself when i used to drink was front and center. i was sitting there drunk with my sober mind practically watching myself from a 3rd person point of view. i didn't like it. i wanted to go back in time. but now at least i know for a fact day 36 is too soon, day 66, 96, 1006 are too soon, ammunition for me to ignore it next time my mind tries to convince me otherwise. day 36 will become day 96 in no time.
so back at it again, no other choice, and bonus is i felt better sober than when i drank yesterday. so it's not like i've given up or became hopeless about quitting again. i'm a little annoyed i have to go 37 more days to catch up, but it's the situation i knew i'd face when i chose to drink so now i'm honoring my word to myself and facing the consequences.
pretty crazy though.. all these hooray amazing stories i posted, sounded like i was invincible and bam just like that, day 1. crazy. oh well. away we go again.
gonna have to agree about first 90 days being the hardest.. after day 30 you feel great, your mind seems clear, constantly working to find more clever ways to trick you. it worked. no excuse.
flipside however, thankfully i don't feel like a failure. i flat out chose to drink. i could have stopped myself, i didn't. why? because i chose not to stop myself. it's a shame in ways, other ways it was therapeutic. i needed to experience it. the curiosity was killing me. the what-if, the unknown, the dark side. it was weird, i felt like a sober man trapped in a drunk person's body. everything i hated about myself when i used to drink was front and center. i was sitting there drunk with my sober mind practically watching myself from a 3rd person point of view. i didn't like it. i wanted to go back in time. but now at least i know for a fact day 36 is too soon, day 66, 96, 1006 are too soon, ammunition for me to ignore it next time my mind tries to convince me otherwise. day 36 will become day 96 in no time.
so back at it again, no other choice, and bonus is i felt better sober than when i drank yesterday. so it's not like i've given up or became hopeless about quitting again. i'm a little annoyed i have to go 37 more days to catch up, but it's the situation i knew i'd face when i chose to drink so now i'm honoring my word to myself and facing the consequences.
pretty crazy though.. all these hooray amazing stories i posted, sounded like i was invincible and bam just like that, day 1. crazy. oh well. away we go again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: sydney nsw
Posts: 785
wow, read all the posts...Yes we are human. Same thing happened to me last time I was sober for 30 days..Xmas came, and was peer pressured to have a beer. I shouldn't have but from there it started until 20 days ago..
I wouldn't say that your hooray amazing stories that you posted are a waste. They are an inspiration to me and many others. Stories like yours have gotten me to day 20 and keep me pushing further.
Today my new normal has become normal. I don't miss the booze unless its just in front of my eyes like it was at the lounge in the hotel...I just kept on reminding myself how I would feel tomorrow. That has been my saviour so far reminding myself how I used to be and how I used to feel. I choose not to anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I also remember how disappointed I was after that Xmas drink and how it let to another binge lasting over several months. All lost because of a drinking and feeling "good" for a few hours. I thought I could moderate, well that was not to be. I am determined to give myself a chance and push with this. This Xmas we are staying home so no temptations this year, thank god. I am scheduled for my bloods end of November and I wish to have normal results.
PB you done so well, you know you can do it Day 1 is going to turn to 36 again, you know what made you crack, avoid it. Perhaps you thought you could moderate or 1 wouldn't hurt, well you now know the answer.
The December 1 blood test are still going to show normal results as you quit again today its almost 5 weeks away.
Yes we are very similar with same characteristics in our sobriety!!
Keep posting so I know how you going!!!
I wouldn't say that your hooray amazing stories that you posted are a waste. They are an inspiration to me and many others. Stories like yours have gotten me to day 20 and keep me pushing further.
Today my new normal has become normal. I don't miss the booze unless its just in front of my eyes like it was at the lounge in the hotel...I just kept on reminding myself how I would feel tomorrow. That has been my saviour so far reminding myself how I used to be and how I used to feel. I choose not to anymore. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
I also remember how disappointed I was after that Xmas drink and how it let to another binge lasting over several months. All lost because of a drinking and feeling "good" for a few hours. I thought I could moderate, well that was not to be. I am determined to give myself a chance and push with this. This Xmas we are staying home so no temptations this year, thank god. I am scheduled for my bloods end of November and I wish to have normal results.
PB you done so well, you know you can do it Day 1 is going to turn to 36 again, you know what made you crack, avoid it. Perhaps you thought you could moderate or 1 wouldn't hurt, well you now know the answer.
The December 1 blood test are still going to show normal results as you quit again today its almost 5 weeks away.
Yes we are very similar with same characteristics in our sobriety!!
Keep posting so I know how you going!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 74
I'm so mad!!! One stupid day of drinking after so much incredible success is now a week of it!! Why the heII am I still drinking! 36 days felt great and here I am putting it off, over and over again, again!! Why won't my brain do what I want?!
Definitely feeling the lonely failure syndrome. So ashamed. So disappointed. So annngryyy!! Drinking cause I'm mad at drinking. Exactly what my p.o.s brain wants. I hate this!!
Definitely feeling the lonely failure syndrome. So ashamed. So disappointed. So annngryyy!! Drinking cause I'm mad at drinking. Exactly what my p.o.s brain wants. I hate this!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Go to bed sober tomorrow. Stop beating yourself up. And definitely don't continue your experiment. The day count is not that important. Quitting is.
Don't stay out for months or years again. Each withdrawal gets worse, so please stop now while you can.
Don't stay out for months or years again. Each withdrawal gets worse, so please stop now while you can.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 113
Originally Posted by Nonsensical 
Congrats on 8 days!
The most difficult thing I have had to come to grips with is that part of my brain is lying to me. It is addicted to alcohol and it lies to me to get me to give it some.
It paints pretty pictures about relaxing, enjoying just a couple, being in control, etc. None of that matches the reality I experience when I drink, but part of my brain is actively working to convince me that next time will be different.
The most difficult thing I have had to come to grips with is that part of my brain is lying to me. It is addicted to alcohol and it lies to me to get me to give it some.
It paints pretty pictures about relaxing, enjoying just a couple, being in control, etc. None of that matches the reality I experience when I drink, but part of my brain is actively working to convince me that next time will be different.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
