Bex76

I have finally come to terms with what I am. I am an alcoholic. How did this even happen to me? I never drank as a teen, or young adult. It all started about 7 years ago when I would take a few swigs of hard alcohol to settle my nerves/anxiety. Well, that lead to binge drinking, followed by black outs. I went out on New Years Eve with my husband, and Father in Law, drank too much, tripped and smashed my face on the curb when walking home. I switched to beer. That was 4 years ago. Day in, and day out, it's the same old thing. Go to work, come home, change clothes, drink beer, make dinner, go to bed. Every. Single. Day. I have a problem and need help. When I talk to my husband and kids (13 & 15) about it, I get the same response each time, "oh mom, you're fine. You go to work everyday", "oh, it's just a few beers", "nah, so and so is way worse than you". I may not be a fall down, staggering drunk, but I have a problem. I'm convinced that things/people will be "boring" if I stop drinking. I'm convinced that the thought of not drinking forever is unrealistic. I'm convinced that I'm too weak to quit. I'm also convinced that if I don't do something dramatically to change my lifestyle, I will not be around to see my boys graduate high school, have a career, or start families of their own. Tomorrow is the one year anniversary of the death of my best friend. She was 37. She died from complications due to alcoholism. She died on her daughters 16th birthday. I don't want that to be my fate. I've been to SR many, many times, but have been to scared to post thinking I'm not ready yet. I'm ready. I have a problem, and I need help.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to the posting side of SR, Bex; I am very glad that you are here.

I am so familiar with the cycle you described (except that wine was my poison).

You can absolutely break the cycle and truly enjoy a sober life.

Have you thought about a sober plan?

Soberwolf

Welcome Bex

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

Bex76

Thank you. And yes, I'm researching sober plans now.

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

More boring than this:

The negative thoughts about sobriety is your addiction trying to keep a stranglehold on you. Life opened up for me when I got sober. It can for you too.

biminiblue

My father was an alcoholic and died on my 16th birthday. He was 41.


Alcohol changed my brain. Everything was depressing, I had no self esteem left, I cried all the time, I couldn't even clean my house or manage to get in the shower every day. It didn't happen like that from day one of my drinking, I worked down to that. I was living in a small, dark, muddy world where everyone (in my mind) was against me.

Everything changed for the better when I quit. Everything: and 19 months later I just shudder at the thought of that sad, scared woman.

Welcome to the forums You can stop now, before you go any further down.

rinky

I know I felt that way too. I couldn't imagine enjoying anything unless I had a drink or two at least to loosen up. That was years ago now.. when My marriage of 17 years fell apart, I fell apart with it. My drinking took on a life of it's own


Eventually it nearly took mine last year. Even though I'm sober today. I have cirrhosis of the liver so who knows how much I've shortened my life span and I sure don't have the stamina and energy I once did. All because of alcohol and my inability to handle things.

I'm so happy you realize you have a problem and are taking the steps toward recovering. You truly will be recovering your life.

Good Luck and Keep posting.

rinky

I wanted to thank beminiblue for her post but it didn't give me the option .. so thanks for your post...

thomas11

Hi Bex, you ended your post with "I need help". There is good news....there is A LOT out there. You just have to get it. There are others here than can steer you in the right direction, but without questions there is something that will suit you. I applaud you honesty in knowing you have an issue, even if others think you don't. You are making a great decision. Drinking EVERY DAY, day after day is about as boring as it sounds, but when you are in the middle of it, you have nothing to compare it to, so I understand (been there). I wish you the best.

Bex76

Thank you, everyone. I'm crying through all of your comments. This is exactly what I need to hear. I need strength. I'm so exhausted from the cycle. I just want to be me again. Hearing your stories helps me to understand I'm not alone. I knew I wasn't the only one, but because of my addiction, I've isolated myself from everything thinking I'm not worthy of help. So, again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum Bex!!

biminiblue

Bex, that's what alcohol does to the brain. It turns everything black.

You can do this. Just make it your goal to go to bed sober tonight. Won't that feel great? Wait until you wake up sober.

Mind. Blowing.

There will be a few days of pretty uncomfortable feelings and emotions are going to be all over the place. You're going to have regrets, and it will be hard to sleep. We get it. We've been there. You can do it.

It is so worth the discomfort.

Sasha4

Drinking made me boring to be honest.
I never did anything.
I just went home and drank.

Now I have the freedom to drive where I want at whatever time.
I'm not scared to make a phone call after a certain time in case I sound drunk.
I want to do more things in general.

My life is maybe a bit quiet.
But I would rather have peace than all the drama drinking brings.

I think forever sounds a long time too.
So i just take it day by day.
Here I am nearly 4 years later.

I believe that you can do it too

Bird615

Welcome to SR, Bex.
Give sobriety a chance to find out that it doesn't have to be boring at all.

I first quit even though I was resigned to a dull and boring life, but with enough time, I began to see how wrong I was about that.