Not sure if I'm entirely ready...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 172
Originally Posted by SFBonvivant 
...but the forums on this site have resonated with me. I could really identify with posters on the cringeworthy yet hilarious tongue-in-cheek thread about "why I miss drinking" (paraphrasing - can't find the thread now for some reason).
I have been drinking excessively for about 10 years - wow, first time I have ever put that into words. It began when I started a relationship with a funny, charming, Irish guy who had just arrived in the country. He - and his delightful County Kerry accent - brought me into the local Irish J1 (summer student visa) scene and it was so much fun going to bars and post Gaelic football celebrations. I had never experienced such a hard drinking culture, but everyone was so friendly, boisterous, and welcoming that I soon embraced "craic" (fun). The first time I saw one of the lads passed out on the bar floor at 3pm on a Sunday, I was ready to call an ambulance. My new friends thought that was ridiculous and assured me that that was par for the course. Instead of reevaluating my level of involvement in the guzzle-fests, I dove in headfirst. Within a year I had gone from a two glasses of wine a week gal to a prolific drinker of Jameson. Then the first blackout - which is not technically accurate since I have the misfortune to remember my bizarre, half-naked-in-public behavior. Maybe I'll have the courage to confess that story to you all some day.
Well, here I am, after many years of overdoing it. Still friends with my ex, still love the Irish (I have visited the Emerald Isle 8 times and am currently in love with a Dubliner), and I know that I only have myself to blame for not taking a step back before I let the alcohol tighten its grip.
Wine is my weakness but I have been known to put away brutally embarrassing quantities of citron vodka on occasion. In fact, maybe I should thank vodka. A couple of weeks ago I woke up after a night of solo citron and soda swilling and felt vaguely achey but chalked it up to a routine hangover. Turned out I had caught a bad bug and I spent the next week fighting nausea and a fever that peaked at 104.9. I got sick more times than I can count, shivered night and day and ultimately sweat everything out. When I finally came the other side - thanks to antibiotics, I felt like I had been cleansed by fire. I couldn't drink during that week of illness and once I was better, I decided to stay off the sauce and continue the cleanse. Today is my 19th day of sobriety.
The fact that my blood work results showed elevated liver enzymes also scared me into this sober streak. Does anyone have info/experience with this?
Anywho, I would like to say I am done with alcohol, but I am not entirely sure. Would be great to drink in moderation, but the more I read on this board, the more I suspect that that vision might be a mirage. In the meantime, I am taking this opportunity to get as healthy as possible, learn from the wisdom of all of you and decide if I want to make abstinence permanent. Feels pretty good so far, so we'll see.
Thanks for "listening." Most of all, thanks for the inspiration
I have been drinking excessively for about 10 years - wow, first time I have ever put that into words. It began when I started a relationship with a funny, charming, Irish guy who had just arrived in the country. He - and his delightful County Kerry accent - brought me into the local Irish J1 (summer student visa) scene and it was so much fun going to bars and post Gaelic football celebrations. I had never experienced such a hard drinking culture, but everyone was so friendly, boisterous, and welcoming that I soon embraced "craic" (fun). The first time I saw one of the lads passed out on the bar floor at 3pm on a Sunday, I was ready to call an ambulance. My new friends thought that was ridiculous and assured me that that was par for the course. Instead of reevaluating my level of involvement in the guzzle-fests, I dove in headfirst. Within a year I had gone from a two glasses of wine a week gal to a prolific drinker of Jameson. Then the first blackout - which is not technically accurate since I have the misfortune to remember my bizarre, half-naked-in-public behavior. Maybe I'll have the courage to confess that story to you all some day.
Well, here I am, after many years of overdoing it. Still friends with my ex, still love the Irish (I have visited the Emerald Isle 8 times and am currently in love with a Dubliner), and I know that I only have myself to blame for not taking a step back before I let the alcohol tighten its grip.
Wine is my weakness but I have been known to put away brutally embarrassing quantities of citron vodka on occasion. In fact, maybe I should thank vodka. A couple of weeks ago I woke up after a night of solo citron and soda swilling and felt vaguely achey but chalked it up to a routine hangover. Turned out I had caught a bad bug and I spent the next week fighting nausea and a fever that peaked at 104.9. I got sick more times than I can count, shivered night and day and ultimately sweat everything out. When I finally came the other side - thanks to antibiotics, I felt like I had been cleansed by fire. I couldn't drink during that week of illness and once I was better, I decided to stay off the sauce and continue the cleanse. Today is my 19th day of sobriety.
The fact that my blood work results showed elevated liver enzymes also scared me into this sober streak. Does anyone have info/experience with this?
Anywho, I would like to say I am done with alcohol, but I am not entirely sure. Would be great to drink in moderation, but the more I read on this board, the more I suspect that that vision might be a mirage. In the meantime, I am taking this opportunity to get as healthy as possible, learn from the wisdom of all of you and decide if I want to make abstinence permanent. Feels pretty good so far, so we'll see.
Thanks for "listening." Most of all, thanks for the inspiration
Unfortunately, alcohol to alcoholics is medicine to treat alcoholism and we will keep turning back to it as long as we have the delusion we can still derive some ease and comfort from it without dire consequences.
I have tested that theory over and over again. My disease progressed to the point that once I take the first drink drink there is no turning back. I become a daily drinker and end up drinking almost 24 hours day. Never thought I would get there. I am incredibly lucky I did not hurt or kill myself or someone else in a car or damage my body beyond repair.
We alcoholics will test this theory again and again, sometimes until it is too late. That is simply the nature of the beast.
If you are an alcoholic, it will get worse . . . much, much worse. If you are just a heavy drinker, perhaps you can moderate. Only you and your higher power can make that decision.
People used to tell me over and over about all if the "yets." I would always think "not me" and I will just quit any time it gets too bad and go back to AA. That is the illusion of control, something I really do not have. Like any good alcoholic, I had to test it and nearly lost everything. God saw fit to open my eyes and give me another chance. Hope the same happens to you.
Once one concedes to their inner most self that they are an alcoholic, life begins to change drastically for the better when putting down the bottle and taking action to treat the underlying alcoholism that caused them to drink.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hi SFB, and congratulations on 20 days! That is a big accomplishment. I am of Irish ancestry and know well the culture of craic. I think you should just be done with alcohol for good. Nothing good ever came to me through drink, only ruin, guilt, shame, horror and madness. I will be sober for 4 months on Tuesday. I am beginning to feel at peace with myself, finally. SR has been a great help. Best wishes.
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